She is confusing to me. Venomous and demanding in one instance, fake and plastic the next. Her energy clashes hard with my own, being near her feels the equivalent of petting a cat the wrong direction.

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But then there are times like these, where I feel for her. I feel guilty for how I've treated her before, and I wish to treat her with more kindness. I think, "maybe I've been wrong all along. Maybe she's a lost little girl, just as I am."

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So I reach out to her. And my control slips again. I don't do this with other people without reason.

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I am lacking reason.