dates & events

• 12| valentine's day

projects

• put anonymous valentines days cards on people's mailboxes
• don't eat while doing anything else

to do

• read 2 books (1/2)
• keep study on track

read (books/fanfictions/mangas/etc)

• twilight (stephenie meyer)
• new moon (stephanie meyer) (reading)
• a insustentável leveza do ser (milan kundera) (reading)

watched (movies/series/animes)

• 2 & 3| ricky & morty episodes 5-9
• 4 & 5| ricky & morty episodes 10 & 1-3 (second season)
• 6| skins episode 2
• 15-17|
  • finished ricky & morty
  • westworld episode 1
  • secret garden episode 1
• 18-20|
  • beating again (1-5)
  • click your heart (1-4)
• 21-25|
  • secret garden (1-7)
  • goblin (1-4)
  • golden boy (1-3)

writing

• poems

soundtrack

• maquiladora - radiohead
• no surprises - radiohead
• karma police - radiohead
• fake plastic trees - radiohead
• sleepwalking past hope - him
• i'll be the end of you - him
• creep - radiohead
• tears don't fall - bullet for my valentine
• not enough for truth in cliche - falling in reverse

about those days

• 1| i bet we already broke the fever. finally. // didn't finish twilight yesterday, was too tired
• 2| slept all day with jonathan, then watched rick and morty stuff.
• 3| was lazy all day. and very sad. wanted to die and eat a lot. // read more twilight, i guess there's more 50 pages to go.
• 4| woke up before everyone and went to cry listening to radiohead outside (cold, but at least sunny) // pain on my stomach that i can't distiguish from hunger. but hurts too much. // being such a rude bitch and crying for not being good enough // loops and disconected content inside my head // i feel like i'm going to pass out all the fucking time
• 5| i noticed for the first time i have dark circles around my eyes // reasons i couldn't sleep: i was afraid of the dark; my stomach was hurting so much from hunger, then i ate and the paranoia of having food inside of it made me want to shot myself in the head; i'm worried i'm about to kill myself really soon (we're accidents waiting to happen); i hate my body; i'm a fucking burden, so fucking disgusting, i'll always disappoint everyone just because of being who i am; i wanted to cry because of all of it, but i couldn't.
• 6| took the kids to school // kinda binged in the end of the day // didn't weight myself again, i'm so anxious for it aaa
• 7| i dreamt about her, i hate it. i hate it, i hate it, i hATE IT, I HATE IT! // jonathan said someone should erase her from my mind // almost passing out to change a lamp // NEED TO FUCKING STOP EATING FROM NOW ON // talking to nya <3
• 8| i dont quite remember
• 9| went to supernova yay
• 10| sleepover at jonathan's for the first time ever! it was really good. EXCEPT THE PART HE FORGOT ABOUT ME AND TOOK ONE HOUR MORE THAN HE SHOULD TO ARRIVE HOME AFTER WORK CAUSE HE WAS DRIKING WITH HIS FRIENDS. but we watched r&m, ate microwave burguers and slept close together cause it was too cold.
• 11| left jonathan's house earlier to go home and shower properly, and change clothes. and met rob. we went to jb and talked, and walked, and layed on wet grass all day long and then he paid us french fries with bacon at a place next to my house. and he took me home cause it was already dark. it was one of the best days of my life. almost felt like 2013/2014 again
• 12| i think my hand is possessed by an alien // fight with mom. // decided to get a job and move out
• 13| the scale arrived // the call for a job interview tomorrow
• 14| job interview got me really nervous, but it was waste of time
• 15| supernova and most of the day i erased from my memory // my hand is an alien, but we can still trust it --> i think im going insane
• 16| watching lots of stuff with jow
• 17-19| watching lots of stuff on my own and binge eating like crazy
• 20| SORATA IS BACK
• 21-25 wathing lots of stuff with jonathan // he keeps saying my boobs are bigger, am i pregnant?
• 26| sleeping a lot // watching a lot of videos // felt really bad for not taking jonathan home, and i miss him so much
• 27| my mom is angry at me and treating me like garbage for stupid reasons
• 28-30 i don't remember at all, so it's irrelevant // dra renata told me i shouldn't had stop taking the medicine and be missing so many appointments