July 2018

• 22. | Had an awesome pre-birthday lunch at Maggiano's with my friends, hung out & laughed til nighttime, went for a nice long drive after, slept with a beautiful bouquet of red roses near my bed
• 23. | My brother surprised me by coming home today! We got the best queso in the world from Torchy's, drove to Denton, had ice cream, stargazed at the cemetery (Mars was especially bright), visited Goatman's Bridge, wandered through the woods & found the most exquisitely symmetrical spiderweb I've ever seen
• 24. | Went for a long drive at night to clear my head, felt really peaceful & relaxed after
• 25. | Discovered some cool new science & spirituality podcasts; went to IILM & had amazing biryani
• 26. | My mom & I made some bomb fajitas for dinner; had a beautiful meditation in the evening, felt peace and clarity and the arrival of good things
• 27. | Watched a hilarious episode of Supernatural with my mom and bro, watched some interesting manifestation videos
• 28. | Watched the most beautiful sunset I've seen in a while
• 29. | Had some really valuable epiphanies
• 30. | Had a really productive workout; arms got so sore it hurt to wash my hands after
• 31. | A gorgeous monarch butterfly flew across my windshield on Fox Ave

August

• 1. | Good meditations at night & my mom made !amazing! dum ka qeema
• 2. | Did an olive oil/honey hair mask in the evening; my hair was super silky, soft, & shiny after I washed it
• 3. | Woke up feeling amazing, had a great workout & noticed more definition in my core
• 4. | Visited Esmeralda at the hospital, hopefully they caught the issue in time & she'll be okay
• 5. | Went to the dastakhan at Malahat Aunty's house, had some good conversations, drove by Grapevine Lake as the sun was setting with my windows rolled down; the wind was perfect. At night, I went through some of Ammar's clothes and let myself cry a bit. I felt weirdly peaceful after, like he's with me and wants me to know that everything's going to be okay. Nemo seemed to understand exactly how I felt and cuddled with me after
• 6. | Went grocery shopping w/ my mom and stocked up on fresh fruits and veggies
• 7. | Getting closer to ideal muscle tone in my abs & back... Spent a few hours at the library in the evening and brought home some exciting books on self-development & spirituality
• 8. | Came down with a horrible cold and I'm in all kinds of pain but I have a comfortable bed, medicine, food, and shelter. I can't imagine being sick and not having a safe place to rest
• 9. | Had trouble sleeping last night bc chills & body pain, but woke up feeling a lot better aH; managed to get all my laundry done!
• 10-12 | Went to camp, had a blast, met some awesome people, came home w/ a mild existential crisis but the willpower to resolve it
• 13-15 | Forgot about writing here because life has been so busy! Alhamdulillah things are good, I'm working on chipping away at the questions that have been bothering me lately
• 16 | Today was my mom's birthday! In the morning, I brought her favorite coffee & donuts for breakfast, roses in her favorite shade of pink, & gave her her presents. She cried a bit bc she missed Ammar, so I was worried but she cheered up later. After a bit of work, I gave her a massage and facial, then we went grocery shopping. When we got back home, the sky had turned a gorgeous shade of pink and it bathed everything in the most beautiful rosy glow. For dinner, I made baja shrimp tacos which my parents went crazy over. Later that night, we watched Princess Diaries 2 and my mom seemed genuinely happy aH
• 17 | I asked a brilliant maulana some questions and he was patient and responsive... I think I might've pestered him too much, but he gave me some incredible food for thought
• 18 | Today is my brother's birthday but he's all the way in Phoenix :/ alhamdulillah for his existence, I wish I could celebrate with him but I'm so grateful that he's healthy & happy aH
• 19 | Experienced a gorgeous thunderstorm last night... Stayed up late thinking through some internal spiritual conflicts and woke up feeling better & braver
• 20-23 | The past few days have been such a blur... I've been undergoing an immense spiritual transformation and so many things I've been conflicted about are finally coming together and making sense. The evening of Arafah & Arafah itself were incredibly powerful and shook me to my core. I felt reborn in a sense, but equally afraid of the possibility of falling into the same complacency that always overtakes me when I'm trying to get to a higher spiritual level. This time, I'm determined to continue elevating, no matter how many steps back I might fall again. I'm ready to learn, evolve, and grow, God willing. I think what I've been missing is courage, but I know now that if I sincerely seek courage from God and remember Him in everything I do, I'll become braver than I've ever been before because I'm rooted in the Most Powerful, which is a completely different feeling from being rooted in ego. I need to start from the beginning and engage in dedicated self-building from the ground up. If I'm going to get where I need to go, I need to cleanse myself of the unhealthy or ego-driven remnants of my past first; this in itself is going to be an incredibly daunting task. I'm really hoping to have the help of a spiritual teacher as I embark on this journey.