• it's impossible for an adult not to know how to swim
  • golden doodles should be called golden roodles
  • most people are worse at driving than I am
  • the ball drop is the stupidest way to celebrate a holiday that anyone has ever invented
  • when you are dropping someone off, you must wait until they get in the door to drive away
  • the best way to recover from being sick is to avoid medicine for two days, dress up if you have to leave the house, and consume no alcohol except whiskey
  • salt and pepper should never live apart in a household
  • a kazoo is an utter delight
  • the microwave is no place for plastic
  • picky eaters are being difficult
  • every glass of water is my glass of water
feb 10 2011 ∞
aug 6 2015 +