• augustus waters, the fault in our stars
• mushu, mulan
• lucas scott, one tree hill
• charlie, the perks of being a wallflower
• quasimodo, the hunchback of notre dame
• peyton sawyer, one tree hill
• gale hawthorne, the hunger games
• vardaman bundren, as i lay dying
• tyler hawkins, remember me
• eeyore, winnie the pooh
• julian baker, one tree hill
• alaska young, looking for alaska

• go to bed earlier
• exercise at least once a day
• pray
• take nighttime walks
• find a hobby that makes being alone something to look forward to
• spend more time with zorro
• learn a new word every day
• eat less & eat healthier
• spend more time with my parents
• learn to let go
• take time to revisit the places that made you who you are: the house you grew up in, your old middle school, your hometown. these places may or may not be here forever; you definitely won’t be
• dream bigger
• study more
• identify your fears and refuse to let them dictate your every move
• learn new recipes

• walking to lake anne to feed the ducks and buy blue raspberry lollipops
• our mutual obsession with parakeets
• sleeping next to her all the time, even now that i'm eighteen
• spilling ketchup all over the carpet (first & last time she ever yelled at me)
• teaching me my prayers
• the crazy number of plants she has in her apartment
• never saying no when i ask for a back massage
• going to thrift stores
• the amazing homemade yogurt she makes
• sleepovers at her house almost every week when i was younger
• her delicious pasta that many have tried to make and miserably failed
• spending monday afternoons at her house in elementary school
• teaching me how to sew

• I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
• I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
• I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
• I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
• I wish that I had let myself be happier.

spring -

• california weather (when it's not raining)
• cherry blossom festival in dc
• sunny
• blooming flowers
• unique smell of spring
• colorful clothes
• spring cleaning
• school's almost out

summer -

• no school
• avocado season
• driving with the music up and the windows down
• greener grass
• hookah
• pineapple & mango smoothies
• late sunsets
• storms

• plane tickets are much cheaper
• everybody dresses up everyday
• target sells their mens moccasins all year round
• i'm married to andrew garfield
• cancer doesn't exist
• there are no exceptions to love
• clothes you see & like on tumblr magically appear in your closet
• food doesn't make you fat
• everybody knows every language
• there is no sadness
• people choose to die whenever they wanted to (not suicide, just merely choosing to die when your role in the world is accomplished)
• there's no such thing as poverty
• you never get sick of a song, no matter how many times you listen to it
• concerts don't sell out
• everybody has a british accent

• marc by marc jacobs watch
• more pins for my u.s. map
• mason jars
• yankee candle's pink sands car freshener
• "the freewheelin'" bob dylan & suze rotolo print
• more sleeveless button-down collared shirts
• new iphone case (preferably floral or a solid color)
• prints/posters for my room
• new macbook before mine crashes
• simple tea cups
• steve mccurry: in the shadow of mountains
• steve mccurry: looking east
• "afghan girl" print
• pretty mugs
• new jeans
• red pillow cases for my bed
• twenty boxes of kinder chocolates from ge...

• logastellus:

a person whose love of words is greater than their knowledge of words.

• tristifical:

causing to be sad or mournful

• ya'aburnee:

the hope that you will die before you love because you cannot live without them.

• kenopsia:

the eerie, forlorn atmosphere of a place that’s usually bustling with people but is now abandoned and quiet—a school hallway in the evening, an unlit office on a weekend, vacant fairgrounds—an emotional afterimage that makes it seem not just empty but hyper-empty, with a total population in the negative, who are so conspicuously absent they glow like neon signs...

• my grandmother's cousin is married to jermaine jackson
• i've been to france four times
• both of my grandfathers died several years before i was born
• i'm related to the author of the kite runner
• i've attended over fifty concerts in the past five years
• i have family scattered around the globe
• onions are my favorite vegetable
• i have around 50-60 cousins and second-cousins
• i have a famous uncle
• i've seen president obama three times in person
• i was almost kidnapped in my grandmother's apartment

• rain pouring outside, especially late at night
• crashing waves
• justin vernon's heavenly voice
• keys on a typewriter
• camera shutters
• birds chirping in the morning
• train whistles
• frighteningly loud thunder
• static
• turning a page in a book
• gusts of wind
• my grandmother's voice
• the crackling sound of burning wood
• sleepy voices
• a plane flying closely above you
• wind through trees
• bells during the holiday season
• morgan freeman's voice
• crickets chirping at night
• streams & rivers

• fifty shades of grey by e.l. james
• sold by patricia mccormick
• the bluest eye by toni morrison
• an abundance of katherines by john green (finish reading)
• 1Q84 by haruki murakami
• the sun also rises by ernest hemingway
• a farewell to arms by ernest hemingway
• lucy in the sky by anonymous
• the fuck-up by arthur nersesian
• boy meets boy by david levithan
• wake, fade, and gone by lisa mcmann
• the unabridged journals of sylvia plath
• slaughterhouse five by kurt vonnegut
• the hunger games by suzanne collins
• catching fire by suzanne collins
• mockingjay by suzanne collins
• north of beautiful by justina chen headly
• before i die by jenny downham
• things fall apart by chinua achebe

• spirit days
• awkward eye contact between the same people in the hallways
• football and basketball games
• homecoming week
• that "last week of school" feeling
• holding onto that bit of hope that maybe next year will be better

• laying in bed listening to music in the morning
• when my room is clean
• knowing you're the reason behind someone's smile
• the first step you take on another country's land
• maps
• sharing comfortable silences
• the idea of heaven
• when days get shorter and colder
• foreign accents
• discovering new music
• people who know the difference between "your" and "you're"
• adventure walks
• catching up with someone you haven't talked to in a while
• my grandma's hugs
• spending an entire day reading
• lists

boys:

• eli
• jones
• alec
• julian
• noah
• david
• jude
• sufjan
• elias
• adam
• elijah
• jules
• alexander
• ezra
• lucas
• liam
• jameson
• dean
• ali
• jacob

• "I'm still writing about you and you haven't read a word."
• “But I like you.” He cleared his throat. “I like you first and second and third.”
• “There are a million ways to bleed. But you are by far my favorite.”
• "When the world pushes you to your knees, you are in the perfect position to pray."
• "There is nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shore line, no matter how many times it is sent away."
• "I felt I was on fire with the things I could’ve told you. I just assumed you eventually would ask."
• “The heart will rest and feel relief if it is settled with Allah and it will worry and be anxious if it is settled with people.”

• attend american university / virginia tech / northwestern university / ucla
• go to grad school in california
• live in san francisco / irvine
• work for a news station / work as an editor
• get married (preferably to a man who wears cardigans and has a beard)
• travel for a year
• take a road trip without a map, gps, or any intention of knowing where to go
• publish a book / poem
• have children

• go on a walk
• read your favorite book again
• bake / cook
• get out of the house
• watch a movie
• call a friend to hang out
• clean your room
• watch a ridiculous reality show that will make you feel better about your life
• write
• go on a car ride
• DON'T go on tumblr / facebook / twitter
• drink tea
• go to the neighborhood playground
• play with the dog
• go get some frozen yogurt
• wait a year from now where you say "holy shit, i can't believe i was going to kill myself"

paris, france (jun 17-jun 22)

• eiffel tour (of course)
• notre dame
• museé du louvre
• montmartre hill
• sacre coeur
• champs elysees
• arc de triomphe
• la defense
• concord
• île de la cité

düsseldorf, germany (jun 22-27)

• königsallee
• düsseldorf-hafen

munich, germany (jun 27-jul 1)

• some lake by the alps
• viktualienmarkt
• max-joseph platz
• marienplatz

• australia
• paris (again)
• alaska
• machu picchu, peru
• england
• colorado
• afghanistan
• turkey
• chicago, il
• grand canyon, az
• antelope canyon, az
• egypt
• capilano bridge in canada
• dubai
• thailand
• provence, france (again)
• ireland
• germany
• boston, ma
• italy
• greece

• exercise everyday, if possible
• do well in my first year of college
• be on good terms with everyone
• lose enough weight to regain my confidence
• be less awkward
• learn how to dance
• read more books
• don’t talk back to mom & dad and strengthen my relationship with them
• appreciate the little things
• get a job
• spend at least 20 minutes a day with zorro
• eat out less
• make the best out of everything
• learn to let go
• don’t stress over the little things
• make the biggest regret of my life
• speak up
• think less about the past and more about ...

• my last week of high school already looks like a shitty week
• i'm losing everyone again
• the lakers just lost their biggest game of the playoffs
• my sister went back to blacksburg yesterday
• it's raining all fucking week
• i do so much for you and never get anything in return
• my parents expect too much out of me
• i ask you to do the simplest things for me and you can't do any of them
• i'm carrying more weight on my shoulders than i'm built to carry
• i have strep throat
• no one has the patience to deal with someone who is just sad
• my life is crumbling apart again
• i have no one to talk to about what's currently bothering me so i'm writing a fuck...

• Turning down invites to places whether it’s because you have responsibilities or you simply don’t want to.
• Hitting a (possibly suicidal) bird while driving.
• Being late for work. They likely keep you after your scheduled shift from time to time; so don’t feel guilty for clocking in a few minutes late.
• When you miscalculate and have to leave a lower tip than you typically would.
• Being afraid of the dark. (With all of the paranormal movies and television shows coming out in recent years, our imaginations are being fed terrifying material)
• Falling asleep during Oscar nominated films.
• Rejecting advances from a person you’re not interested in. (It’s better than leading them on, though it may not feel like it at the time)

• january: the realization of how fast time flies
• february: another wasted year
• march: persistent blur of all things
• april: depression
• may: the west coast
• june: holocene
• july: virginia's dreadful humidity
• august: more depression
• september: transitions
• october: black & white striped sweater
• november: you and you and sometimes you
• december: the time of year that kills us all

• "Your depression shows when you talk about home. You said, 'I can't wait to leave this town and go away on my own'."
• "I'm not afraid to watch you change me."
• "I don't need another friend when most of them, I can barely keep up with them. Perfectly able to hold my own hand, but I still can't kiss my own neck."
• "Even if things end up a bit too heavy, we'll all float on."
• "I thought I heard a plane crashing, but now I think it was your passion snapping."
• "It’s hard trying to hold on with all that I have lost. It all seems so wrong, but I trust you, oh God."
• "The greatest cruelty is our casual blindness to the despair of others."
• "Somebody said that life isn't fair when somebody else was saying a prayer."
• "Take me to a place where I don't know an...

• where every book ended without its last page
• where war was a casual event (i guess it kind of is already)
• without tea or coffee
• where people constantly lied about everything without reason
• where music was banned
• where slavery still existed
• with rainy, hot, and humid weather every day
• without love and compassion
• where humans were the pets and dogs were the owners
• where everyone was a republican
• with no internet
• where schools taught math all day, every day

• one tree hill
• vampire diaries
• south park
• american horror story
• breaking bad
• make it or break it
• 90210
• pretty little liars
• teen wolf
• how i met your mother
• workaholics
• the walking dead

• travel to see the northern lights
• backpack through a country with a blanket, cash, and a book
• wish on a shooting star
• visit every continent
  • africa
  • antarctica
  • asia
  • australia
  • europe
  • north america
  • south america
• walk across abbey road
• visit a banksy mural
• leave the country under the premise of “finding yourself"
• study abroad
• go back to paris for the fifth time
• be on good terms with everyone at one tim...

• worrying about things i have no control over
• lights
• things that happened in the past
• things that will happen the next day
• thinking about the future
• thirst
• other people snoring
• television
• fear of not waking up in the morning
• schoolwork i didn't finish but probably should have
• neighbor's loud music
• loneliness
• eating way too much food before i go to bed
• daydreaming
• a scary movie i watched that day
• you

in-state (including dc):

• *virginia tech: 3.4+, $10,000
• *american university: 3.5+, $39,500
• george washington university
• james madison university

out-of-state:

• *northwestern university: 3.7+, $43,780
• ucla: 3.2+,
• uc berkeley (grad school only)
• *university of southern california: 3.7+, $35,200
• uc san diego: 3.5+, $13,230 or $22,880

• your creativity takes you to great heights
• there is never any harm in asking an honest question
• your love for music will be an important part of your life
• you should have a talk with a friend today
• everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it
• great acts of kindness will befall you in the coming months
• many new friends will soon be attracted to your friendly and charming ways
• your co-workers take pleasure in your great sense of creativity
• you'll never know what you can do until you try
• your ambitious nature will help you make a name for yourself
• you are talented in many ways

• this too shall pass
• good things come to those who wait
• don't let your dreams be dreams
• make them wonder why you're smiling
• accept what you can't change, change what you can't accept
• good things will come your way
• you can't expect other people to make you happy
• when words fail, music speaks
• if you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never have enough. if you are thankful for what you do have, you will end up having even more
• everyone eventually leaves
• life begins at the end of your comfort zone
• carpe that diem
• what doesn't kill you fucks you up mentally (sadly)
• it'll all be worth it in the end

• the sound of your voice
• picnics with the whole family
• talking to you everyday
• fall/winter
• knowing what it's like to not have any weights on my shoulders
• my cousins on my dad's half-side
• visits to chuck e. cheese with mom and onai when we were kids
• my parakeet that died six years ago (yeah idk)
• you, even though i know i shouldn't
• when everything was simpler
• thanksgiving 2010
• not worrying about every little thing
• you

• stay in one place your whole life
• eat at one restaurant and order the same exact thing everytime
• save up your money for a plasma tv instead of a plane ticket
• talk a lot about things that hurt you in the past
• try to relive those moments that hurt you
• have an affair with someone you don’t even find attractive
• refuse to forget someone who meant everything to you
• make it impossible for yourself to do anything without remembering that you used to do it with them
• miss out on everything
• remind yourself daily of how empty you feel
• find new ways to make yourself sad
• get drunk all the time

• singing
• managing & using my time wisely
• drawing
• finding the right words to say
• dealing with physical pain
• making friends
• talking in front of people
• whistling
• running for more than two minutes without feeling like i'm going to pass out
• decision making
• not stuttering
• thinking before i speak
• parking
• story telling
• managing my anger
• talking on the phone
• math
• not sucking at life

• laundry detergent
• garlic
• daisy by marc jacobs
• cupcakes
• the ocean
• cucumber melon lotion from b&bw
• basil
• cherry blossoms
• gasoline (sometimes)
• honey suckles
• cigars
• the fresh scent after rain
• bbqs from a distance
• coffee
• fresh mint from my grandmother's garden
• springtime
• sweet pea lotion
• cucumbers
• old books
• coconut
• men's axe

• accepts my crazy mood swings
• builds forts with me
• deep, husky, low, and sleepy voice
• puts the toilet seat down
• hygienic
• tells me if i look fat in that dress
• cooks (or at least helps me cook)
• willing to watch chick flicks / rom-coms with me
• dresses well
• makes it easy for me to trust him
• has prank wars with me
• over 6'0 tall
• takes showers with me
• nervously rubs his hands on his neck
• has dark eyebrows
• doesn't buy me expensive things (like diamonds) for my birthday just because that's what society expects from him (plus, i hate diamonds)
• lets me wear his clothes

• when people constantly lie to you
• ripped toms
• when you don't see your best friend all day
• cancelled plans
• waking up to bad news
• deadlines
• seeing old people alone
• plane delays
• having to say "fine" when someone asks you how you are
• falling for the wrong people
• humidity
• not being able to afford something
• losing hope
• rainy days on weekdays
• writer's block
• feeling bloated after a delicious meal
• when your favorite jeans rip
• waking up early on weekends and not being able to fall back asleep

• raspberry tart - http://tigerinajar.blogspot.ca/2012/08/r...
• roasted strawberry, brie, and chocolate grilled cheese - http://www.howsweeteats.com/2012/04/roas...
• kori coffee - http://www.pepper.ph/here-is-what-coffee...
• homesick toast - http://simpleprovisions.com.au/2012/06/2...
• german pflaumenkuchen - http://www.mowielicious.com/home/2010/08...
• apple pie pockets - http://purplefoodie.com/apple-pie-pocket...
• rainbow cake in a jar - http://blogs.babble.com/family-kitchen/2...
• spring chicken salad w/ noodles - http://zoomyummy.com/2011/03/18/spring-c...
• salad roll-ups - http://www.veggie-wedgie.com/?p=1975
• manhattan chicken - http://simplygluten-free.com/blog/2011/0...
• sweet & spicy beef w/ noodles - http://www.howsweeteats.com/2011/03/swee...
• stir-fried noodles w/ tofu & peppers - http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/01/health...
• pasta w/ creamy arugula pesto cream sauce - http://www.howsweeteats.com/2011/03/cris...
• cupcake fondue - http://www.pintsizesocial.com/diy-with-v...
• peach cobblers - http://une-deuxsenses.blogspot.com/2010/...
• samosas - http://rasamalaysia.com/samosa-recipe/?p...
• mango coconut striped popsicles - http://www.pastryaffair.com/blog/mango-c...
• chile lime deviled eggs - http://blogs.babble.com/family-kitchen/2...
• piped deviled eggs - http://www.cookingforseven.com/2009/05/p...

• chicken alfredo from vapiano
• chick-fil-a
• hummingbird from robeks (w/ salt & vinegar chips)
• onions...
• pizza
• thai food
• hummus & pita chips (middle eastern problem)
• frozen yogurt
• tomato basil soup from la madeleine
• chipotle
• ramen (w/ lemon juice & plain yogurt)
• nutella
• freshly baked chocolate chip cookies
• cinnamon swirl coffeecake from starbucks
• pesto (sandwich, pasta, pizza, ANYTHING with pesto)
• in-n-out :(
• sharp chedder cheese w/ sour dough bread
• apple pie

• why does this bitch stare at me every class?
• the hemingway poster next to my desk entertains me more than this class ever will
• these goldfish are spectacular
• this documentary has nothing to do with anything
• i like that kid's beard
• fuck these in-class essays
• STOP STARING AT ME
• mr. walker needs a haircut
• fuck, i'm almost out of goldfish
• you wear that sweater everyday
• would i actually pay attention in this class if i didn't have an iphone?

• "this too shall pass" in arabic on inner arm
• "patient, fine, balanced, kind" on wrist
• "i am, i am, i am" on lower neck / wrist
• mountain on wrist

• death of others
• being alone for the rest of my life
• snakes
• drowning or burning to death
• public speaking
• not being able to have kids in the future
• gas masks
• extremely high stairs
• rape
• being the last one left on earth
• falling
• things that limit/cease movement (coffins, straightjackets, etc.)
• making a fool out of myself in front of people
• being a bad mom

• remember me
• mulan
• the proposal
• sixteen candles
• bridesmaids
• the hunchback of notre dame
• a hard day's night
• aladdin
• the social network
• 27 dresses
• never let me go
• the other women
• it's kind of a funny story
• 127 hours
• blue valentine