• "Avatar: The Leyend of Korra"
• Jane Austen's "Emma"
• seasonal changes

- it's being a hard, ugly month. I'm so upset and angry with myself. I hate knowing what to do to find what's missed inside of me,and still not doing it. I hate myself for that. My mind is just fooling me with nonsensical "fears", and I am believeing it. I can't go on like this anymore, I don't see myself trying to change things for the better. I am uncapable and an idiot. life is shit and I wish I had never been born. (October 9th, 2016)

• Kate Morton's "The forgotten garden"
• "Fairy Tail"

- (update from Nov. 2nd.): I can't stand myself and what I'm becoming (bitter, angry, hopeless, useless). I can't control myself and my thoughts, and I'm angry at myself, and therefore people around me. I just wish I had money to get out of here and disappear, OR the guts and the strength to go and get a fucking miserable job and save money to LEAVE AND NOT COME BACK EVER. I JUST CAN'T STAND MYSELF AND THIS SITUATION ISN'T GREAT EITHER. I've been really nervous lately, but at least this nervousness has come when I am not feeling as if my heart was being wrung out, so at least... it sucks still. I'm such a weak cry-baby.

anyway, what should I do?