• the right thoughts are always showing up at the wrong times
• let me sleep and i will paint your face underneath my eyelids
• for a few minutes, i thought tomorrow i’d try to do pretty make up again. i’d listen and nod at my teachers, count the stars in their eyes
• but i just want to hide in my hands, slide my whole body in between your lithe, interested fingers
• braid our bodies together
  • feeding off of one another and the gravity keeping us together
• fitting you into my geometry notes
  • we are congruent
  • we are coplanar

my friend fucked you and said it took you a while

i need you now

i want to sit in the center of your empty room

just a part of the room

just tell me i'll never belong to you

• academics
• make a list of great boys

i can assure you by doing so i'm erasing more

of what was never our's before

-----------------------------------------

the strangest of strangers

in company of characters

that only know

what will never happen

------------------------------------------

you'd remember a name like jules verne

green and raw

on the tongue

weighing a mallet

swallowed in silence

fair enough

------------------------------------------

you fucking suck or i can't do anything right

-----------------------------------------...

i don't want to feel love unless i've made someone feel loved

“you will hear thunder and remember me, and think: she wanted storms;” - anna akhmatova

"here is a girl who is pretty in a quiet way," i told myself. "i bet she's had a very sad life." - dolores price

"hail Mary, full of grace..." i whispered, then stopped. her nose was chipped and her sky-blue eyes stared out at nothing. she was unaware of the serpent curling at her feet." - dolores price

"it's strange that words are so inadequate. yet, like the asthmatic struggling for breath, so the lover must struggle for words." t.s. eliot

“i am a forest, and a night of dark trees: but he who is not afraid of my darkness, will find banks full of roses under my cypresses.” nietzsche

“weeping too, perhaps when you remember how he loved and yet wished to leave you, always both, at once.” excerpt from a...

• nothing to do with myself
• a voice you simply can't ignore
• i'd like to think at least things can't get any worse
• a good idea
• if this happens, it is what i want
• a voice you simply can't ignore pt. 2
• a hand
• a pair of hands
• LuUuve

• strangers
• the motion you still feel after a day of swimming or rollercoasters
• picking off the scab on my scalp every time it grows back

le rubans et la fleur - france gall

• so wet
• so tight
• brain so good
• could've sworn you went to college
• you ain't
• never
• ever
• gotta go in your wallet, as long as i got rubber band banks
  • in my pocket
• my chick can have whatever she want
• and go in any store and buy any bag she wants
• want yo body
• need yo body
• long as you got me
• you won't need nobody

i can restart now that i understand

everything's imaginary, especially what you love

i don't want you to know i'm lying

but these days it's all i've fed you

longer talks

longer walks

we're just walking home where we're so far away

don't fucking love me

what if i told you i felt nothing at all? i could break your fucking body in half because i've been destroyed once

what if i said i felt the same? i could be yours, you could be mine and i could have all the secrets in the world

i'm so unwilling to belong to anyone but myself and even i'm not all there

when i dream of expressionless faces full of light and no direction the reality isn't mundane - it just doesn't exist anymore

power is addicting, but i'll be upset when you're away i should want to feel love but i feel sickness i am the dreams of ni...

"you think because you don't love us, or desire us, or even like us, you think you've won." closer

"you don't move like no virgin." great balls of fire

once upon a time, a woman was picking up firewood. she came upon a poisonous snake frozen in the snow. she took the snake home and nursed it back to health. one day the snake bit her on the cheek. as she lay dying, she asked the snake, "why have you done this to me?" and the snake answered, "look, bitch, you knew I was a snake." natural born killers

"killing you and what you represent is a statement." natural born killers

"i understand, all right. the hopeless dream of being - not seeming, but being. at every waking moment, alert. the gulf between what you are with others and what you are alone. the vertigo and the constant hunger to be exposed, to be seen through...

nothing

• The Night of the Hunter
• A Woman Under the Influence
• Les Carabiniers
• El Topo
• Inland Empire
• Breathless
• Brazil
• The Dreamers
• Valerie and Her Week of Wonders
• 2001: A Space Odyssey
• Dead Poet's Society
• Phantasm
• The Holy Mountain
• The Cement Garden
• Les quatre cents coups
• Blame
• Psycho
• Baise Moi
• La Jetée
• Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer
• Antichrist

• gently brush fallen eyelashes off of your cheek
• tell you bedtime stories
• draw pictures on your back
• tie your shoes
• whisper bad things to you in church
• name all of your body parts
• let you know about my legs
• spit down a balcony with you
• change your clothes
• lick your tears
• suck on your earlobes
• eat vegetables for you
• cut your fingernails
• let you hear me sing
• name a cactus after you
• only say your name under the ocean's breath
• eat your leftovers
• fill all your pores and orifices with my being

it takes an average person seven minutes to fall asleep at night. i couldn't sleep. i couldn't explain it. how was i supposed to feel? not even my shadows could catch up with me at this point. the small flares in his eyes were so extraneous and threatening. they were so different this evening from when i first saw him cycling. a trail of stars spilled from his eyes that day. what i meant was, it was never in chronological order. it was a cosmic uproar of feelings and motives, all challenged by disbelief--the fear and desire for the strange. the clouds were typically morbid shapes: coffins, jars of blood and tears. i saw rosemary's baby one winter evening. but now, they were all chenille coated things, covered in a fragile child's saliva. some cotton candy, perhaps a bunny rabbit. shapes lingered in the sky that weren't accurate, they weren't enigmatic for once. i spent most of fifteen year...

• the 24th of october

i never knowed you could love someone that didn't love you. guess growing up is all bout that sort of work. thinks i, i ain't care much now that i did well. my old man took me down to the stables where i rode but i ain't even learn - been too damn scared. i reckon i passed the time stared down yonder at the cherry blossoms, i did not live down south and was not used to it. when the moon came out to shine, i ain't waste no time to meet my sister down to ice skate. aspinning and wound up i could not do it graceful. when i was most abreast about to do it right, someone who ain't have to rent skates (i reckon each had their own from home) laughed at me. the winter loves me, but me and my sister hurt and were embarrassed to be around they educated and knowed better. folk at the stables made us comfortable. i warn'...

• the 13th of september

nothing has changed but i really still need to prioritise my time better, really. i really do. i can't be doing all the terrible things i want to do, it's just a horrid way to live. i just can't be arsed, ya know? all this mindless work. rather be reading some crap about astrology and talking with friends, a sweet and fun thing. a glass of milk with sugar. i've become a poet, a singer, a writer, i couldn't do this hard work, i just can't. what do i want and what do i need to get there??? everyone in second hour geometry is probably embarrassed to pick their noses and don't know what audacious means. where was i, oh, what do i want in life and what do i need to do to get there??? you need hard work to get where you want to, say, but i just can't get there and tenth year is the worst time for things to start fe...