- Upon hearing that Senator Barbara Mikulski was in the restaurant, "Tell her she should order the Cubano, in honor of what she's trying to do to our health care system."
- When we started bombing Libya, "What's your favorite part of our new war?"
- "Somebody clean this plate up. I wouldn't serve that dish to Barack Hussein Obama."
- "You know what you can tell those debt collectors? Tell them to S your fucking D."
- Amy, watching Ian pour himself a kids cup of Franzia cooking wine, "I can't believe you drink that shit." Ian, "Trust me Amy, if I took a shit on a spoon, and put it in my mouth, it would NOT taste like this."
- "I don't care what Al Gore says, the earth can't be getting warmer AND colder at the same time. That's just a scientific fact."
- On seeing Phil at the bar with his friend Vi, "Where does Phil FIND these Asian girls?! I've NEVER had any luck finding an Asian girl."
- "Why, no! I wasn't just looking up Ayn Rand quotes on my phone while I was supposed to be cooking."
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- Ian, "How much do you get paid to nanny?"
- Maura, "10 bucks an hour for one kid, 12 for two, and 15 on the weekends, but it's all under the table so no tax."
- Ian, "Untaxed?! Is it just me, or did Maura get a little bit sexier when she said that? Imagine that, untaxed..."
- Admitted to Dave Wann, "You know man, I've been doing some soul searching, and I realized something: If I want other people to take me seriously, I gotta take MYSELF seriously first."
may 31 2011 ∞
aug 29 2012 +
aug 29 2012 +