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dec 9 2012 + oaky so for my high school yearbook, alex johnson wrote to me: 'hope you find something you love to do". those words always kill me. not really because its from alex but more because i dont think i will ever find what i love to do. mar 6 2013 ∞
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apr 25 2015 ∞
apr 25 2015 + -Next year is my last year of college. I can already feel my stress levels rising. I do not think I will be doing grad school. The idea of another year of school makes me sick. I feel sick right now just thinking about it. Lets give this a shot. Lets see how well I can work in the finance world and maybe then I will be able to decide if grad school is something I would like to do. In the upcoming two weeks, I have so much shit to do I could cry: -shakepeare final paper -critical issues final paper -business calc test 3 -aed quizzes -macro quiz along with 4 finals... apr 14 2015 ∞
apr 21 2015 + I feel like I'm always going through slumps and at the last minute I get to enjoy everything but much too late. Sure college is a nice fun thing but I mean I'm missing so much. Yeah I could make a ton of new friends but I'm afraid my grades would suffer and would my relationship with Avi. I would not care to do either of those things. It's funny how I usually end up hanging out with my friends friends and never have any real ones of my own. Who knows what this is all about. I still miss high school and I wonder how long this will last compared to how long I missed middle school. These slumps that I seem to go through not only hold me back but they also remind me that it's impossible to enjoy anything when you miss something (or someone too I guess). There's always that thing in the back of your head reminding you things could be better. Or are they already? Am I just living in the past bec... mar 20 2013 ∞
apr 21 2015 + Really need to start seeing myself in a better light. I tend to ruin myself over stupid shit that I know I shouldn't. For whatever reason I feel the way I feel, I also feel like I could just stop when I want. But I don't. Obviously I control my own actions but I can't help how I feel. Sometimes it really hurts but then I realize its been awhile. Its nothing I can't change, its nothing that won't change. However I don't want it to be something that I get used to. I don't want to be that way. apr 21 2015 ∞
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aug 17 2014 ∞
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apr 21 2015 ∞
apr 21 2015 + First and foremost, I am the biggest idiot in the world at the moment. I have absolutely no regard for myself to be making the dumb mistakes and decisions that I have been making. Next, I need to be a lot stronger. I know I can do it because I've spent so long doing it. I cannot and I will not give up now. I love Avi. I know I do. We were in a little bit of a rut before and I feel like had none of that happened, I would not be in the shitty situation that I am in right now. I will say that this whole rut has made it very hard for me to deal with my own personal problems properly. Now this whole Sam business. I definitely do not like him like that. Yes I find him attractive but that is really it. I don't like him. This odd feeling that I get is really just something that I am lacking internally and has nothing to do with him. But he thinks otherwise. I need to se... oct 20 2014 ∞
oct 20 2014 + So I've been back only a couple of days but so far things have been amazing. Unfortunately though I have made a complete fool of myself in front of Chris because I told him about my small crush on a certain someone. I look like an idiot because I am not in any position to have any crushes. I mean it's nothing really. I just need to be exposed more often in order to not feel like a little school girl about this anymore. After I've gotten drunk a couple of times or even just soberly hangout with him I think I will be okay. I do think Chris thinks I am a complete mess now though which I will only have to counter by showing and proving to him that I am not a complete mess. There's nothing I hate more than having to wait a whole week or at least almost a whole week before actually seeing and being with people that I need to show that I am not a crazy bitch. Or maybe I am? But even if I am I sho... aug 25 2014 ∞
apr 14 2015 + You're overthinking things way too much. Don't be stupid. nov 1 2014 ∞
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