it's been called "an international emporium of the panoply of gustatory sensation..."

To Make

• Spanish rice, chicken, beans
• These kinds of sandwiches

Soups (bowl or cup)

• Garden Tomato
  • "A refreshing blend of tomato puree, freshly plucked basil and coal-roasted red pepper"
• Belle of Paris French Onion Soup (vegan-style, if requested)
  • "She made all the boys cry at her debutante ball, but if you're crying, it'll be tears of joy."
• Little Tokyo Miso Soup
  • "A little taste of Tokyo in every bite" / "tastes like biting a Shinto priest in the ankle - which means 'savory'"
• Heart-Warming Chili Cauldron
  • Meatless chili. "Heartwarming, but not heartburning."
• Bounty of the Seas Creme de Conche
  • "Dine like Poseidon on the flesh of his criminal offenders with this saline seafood sensation."
• Slow-Roasted Tender Mutton Stew
  • "with golden organic potatoes, elfish shallots, and stolen carrots"
• Moist Angus Stew
  • "with mushy potatoes, simmered shallots, soft carrots"
• Vegan Blood of the Potato God
  • "Our chef stabbed the potato god; turns out that He bleeds soy-creamy deliciousness...and spicy garlic plasma..."

Fruits & Salads

• Organic Apples w/ Organic Peanut Butter
  • (No Partially-Hydrogenated Oils!)
• Exotic Fruit Platter
  • Durian, Taro, Lotus,
• Beer-Battered Gourde plate.
  • with yellow squash and zucchini, acquired daily at the local farmer's market.
• Ambrosia Salad
  • "Fall in love again...with your food...then gobble it all up, and wonder what went wrong."
• Cranberry Walnut Salad
  • "Feeling nutty? Savor that sensation with sweet-tart cranberries, organic baby spinach and our very own Silver Farms Goat Cheese from a loving goat farm in Santa Rosa."
• California Cobb
  • "Sick of GMO corn? Don't worry - this calligustory cobb has nothing to do with that fat cat jazz! It's all crisp garden greens mingled with bold chunks of free-range hormone-free turkey, succulent avocado, crumbles of well-aged bleu cheese, ripe tomatoes and Calmatta olives."
• Julius Caesar's Salad
  • "Hand-tossed greens with homemade, gluten-free Asiago cheese croutons, freshly grated Romano and generous portions of locally-raised chicken, then dressed to die for in our creamy Caesar. In a Colosseum-sized bowl, this feast fit for an Emperor."
• Grandma's Potato Salad
  • "Just like Grandma used to make!"
• Kingly Curry Chicken Salad
  • A healthy, spicy twist on an old standby, this salad features hearty chunks of skinless, boneless chicken breast, zesty onion, a chopped blend of golden raisins, turmeric, black pepper, powered-up curry powder."

Sides & Appetizers

• Sotuknang's Blazing Frybread
  • with pinto beans, organic lettuce, organic tomatoes & mutton
• Orleans' Sweet Potato Fries
• Rough & Tumble Hashbrowns
• Aunt Evelyn's Killer Coleslaw
• Oven-Baked Garlic Fries
  • smattered with cordophiliac (that means "heart-friendly") chili
  • smattered with chili and oodles of vegan cheese
• Breakfast Couscous
  • with cranberries and almonds, warmed with steamed almond cream
• Ring of Fire Battered Onion Basket
• Silvery Herring in Rich Cabernet
• Mindless Herring in Jersey Cream
  • "it doesn't mind if you eat it"
• Alaskan Lox Plate
  • "eat like a ravenous grizzly, carving out the slippery stomach of a critter with sticky sharp claws"
• Vegetable Samosas
  • fried filo dough pockets filled with carrots, green peas & potatoes in yellow curry.
• Roasted Red Pepper Hummus
  • garbanzo bean dip with garlic, lemon tahini & a dash of olive oil (garnished with Kalmata olives)
• Ganesha's Babagannouge: eggplant dripping with garlic, lemon tahini & a dash of lemon-zest in virgin oil
• Dromedary Dolmathes: grape leaves stuffed with seasoned rice & herbs
  • "Especially engineered to offset the unfortunate biological consequences of consumption. You're welcome."
• Fa-la-la-afel
  • fried patties of garbanzo beans & seasonings
• Soft Lips Labneh
  • organic yogurt dip, Tibetan sea salt, olive oil & fresh mint
  • add walnut & chili for $0.50
• combination plate: hommos, babagannouge, falafel, labneh & tabbouleh (garnished with 1 greek olive per person...)
• Athena's Spanikopita
• Farmer Franz's Fried Zucchini
• Autumnal Harvest Butternut Squash Mash
  • roasted sumptuous butternut squash creamed with butter
• Tortilla Chips & Garden Fresh Salsa
  • mango salsa
• Baby Carrots
  • "omg, how could you eat them? they were babies"
• Baked Apple Dream
• Fresh Baked Bagels
  • w/ butter, jam or cream cheese

Sammiches Served (with choice of side/salad/soup) on sourdough, pita, bagel, garlic italian roll, whole wheat, rye or croissant; substitute vegan cheese for any cheese (trust me, it's delicious!)

• Philadelphia Cheese Steak
  • roast beef, mozzarella cheese, mayo, grilled mushrooms & onions on baguette, served with aux jeus.
• Anne of Green Gables
  • beef, sprouts, horseradish, lettuce, tomato
• Miss Bingley
  • lox, onion, cream cheese, lettuce, tomato
• Queqeg
  • egg, ham, cheese
• Jack's Giant
  • eggs, potatoes, ham, bean sprouts
• Ostrich Boy
  • tomatoes, onions, ostrich egg
• Lawrence of Arabia
  • hummus, cucumber, sprouts, tomato, red onion w/ or w/out turkey
• Lawrence Supreme
  • hummus, artichoke hearts, roasted red peppers, cucumber, tomato, red onion, vinaigrette dressing, mixed greens
• Mister Darcy's Contemporary Luncheon
  • beef, horseradish sauce, brie, tomato, mayo
• My Dear Watson
  • Pastrami: pastrami, marinara sauce, mushrooms, onions, provolone cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, pepperoncini, spices & oil
• Watson in Hogtie
  • Antipastrami: marinara sauce, mushrooms, onions, provolone cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, pepperoncini, spices & oil
• Marilla Cuthbert
  • chicken, cucumber, tomato, red onion, blue cheese dressing, mixed greens
• Sita's Sup
  • eggplant marinated in smooth cabernet and olive oil, simmered in vodka roast tomato puree, on fresh baked toothy sourdough with organic garden spinach leaves and crumbled feta
• King Leonides
  • feta, artichoke hearts, greek olives, cucumber, tomato, red onion
• Rigoletto
  • pepperoni, pastrami, lettuce, tomato, black olives, oil, vinegar, (cheese?)
• Shahriyar's Feast
  • grilled mutton, onion, lettuce, tomato and tzatziki sauce rolled in pita bread
• Shahriyar's Eunuch
  • grilled eggplant with potato & cauliflower, rolled in pita bread with tomato & tahini sauce
• Shahriyar's Steed
  • Marinated chunks of chicken (or mutton) sauteed with zucchini, mushroom, green pepper, tomato & onion, rolled in a pita
• Aladdin's Acquisition
  • Falafel sandwich: fried patties of garbanzo beans & seasoning rolled in pita bread with tomato, cucumber, onion, green pepper & tahini sauce
• Princess Parizade
  • Babagannouge sandwich: eggplant dip with garlic, lemon & tahini, rolled in pita bread with tomato & onion
• Mary Lennox
  • Olive paste, cucumber, tomato, artichoke hearts, red onion, vinaigrette, feta
• Iago
  • chicken, avocado, salsa, cucumber, tomato, red onion, roasted jalapeno dressing on mixed greens
• Royal Gardens
  • slow-roasted chicken, shaved Parmesan, lettuce, Caesar dressing
• The Gobbler
  • turkey, roasted red peppers, sprouts, Russian dressing
• Hobgoblin
  • turkey, lettuce, tomato, black olives, guacamole, green peppers.
• Chicky Sallie's Breaded Prison
  • chicken salad, sprouts, lettuce, tomato
• The Rontu
  • pastrami, grilled onions & sauteed mushrooms, tomatoes, finely chopped lettuce
• Missus Medlock
  • chicken, provolone, green chiles, sprouts, mayo
• Icabod Craven
  • havarti, basil pesto, artichoke hearts, roasted red peppers, tomato, red onion
• Samwise Gamgee
  • Ham and melted swiss cheese on french toast
• World's Best French Dip
  • french dip w/ aux jeus
• Comfort of the Fridge Egg Sandwich
  • egg sandwich w/ mayo
• Dante's Inferno Grilled Cheese
  • w/ cup of tomato-red pepper soup
• Reuben
  • corn beef, swiss, saurkraut, mayo
• Lord of the Seas Tuna Melt
  • tuna salad (with toasted bread), lettuce, spinach, tomato, green peppers, onions, black olives and vegan provolone.
• Sea Lord At the Puerto Rican Dance Club
  • tuna salad, mayo, dijon mustard, fresh parsley, havarti, tomato
• Captain Ahab
  • chicken, provolone, basil pesto, artichoke hearts, tomato, italian dressing
• Pippin's BLT
  • BLT: bacon, lettuce, mayo...toasted
• The Phoenix's Ill-Fated (Less Wiley) Phylogenetic Cousin
  • boneless spicy buffalo wings, chipotle sauce, lettuce, tomato, onions, black olives, green peppers
• The Favorite Meatball Hoagie
  • meatball hoagie, red peppers, marinara sauce, Parmesan cheese
• Shane's Style Cheese Steak Divinity
  • steak hoagie w/ grilled onions, cheese & mushrooms
• Zorro's Villa Brunch with an Elderly Lady
  • turkey or ham sandwich w/ cream cheese (or non-dairy cream cheese), lettuce, tomato, avocado with green chili.

Burritos

• The Best
  • Pinto or black beans, grilled veggies, green chilies, guacamole, lettuce and rice.
• Early Bird
  • egg, ham, cheese. "the bird got away. the pig did not."
• Peasant's Feast
  • eggs, potatoes, ham
• Mom's
  • tomatoes, onions, eggs

Wood-Fired Pizza

• Lite Veggie
  • choice of Sauce, Stewed Tomatoes, Fresh Garlic, Yellow Squash, Zucchini, Green Bell Peppers, Onions, and Fresh Mushrooms. No mozzarella, no worries!
• Hawaiian Banjo
  • tomato sauce, fresh garlic, Canadian bacon, pineapple, mushrooms, green bell peppers...optional mozzarella & feta cheeses
• The Jungle
  • tomato sauce, mushrooms, zucchini, onions, bell peppers...optional cheese
• Mediterranean
  • tomato sauce, mozzarella & feta cheeses, spinach, basil, garlic, sun-dried tomatoes
• Daisy Mae's
  • olive oil, garlic sauce, ricotta, mozzarella & Romano cheeses, fresh tomatoes, scallions
• TexMex BBQ
  • BBQ sauce, roasted chicken, red onions, mozzarella, Romano & cilantro
• The Idaho
  • garlic ranch sauce, mozzarella, diced tomatoes, oven roasted chicken, red onions, cheddar
• The Extreme
  • fresh garlic ranch sauce, mozzarella, diced tomatoes, oven roasted chicken, mushrooms, zucchini, red onions, artichokes, shredded Parmesan
• The Gypsy
  • tomato-pesto sauce, mozzarella & feta cheeses, oven roasted chicken, cilantro, fresh tomatoes
• The Tinkerer
  • chicken, spinach, Alfredo sauce, mozzarella & Parmesan cheeses, tomatoes, mushrooms (can be made vegan)

Cafe Beverages

• lavender lemonade
• exotic teas: passion fruit; jasmine; yerba matte; oolong; black teas (gunpowder); apricot; passion fruit; hibiscus
• green tea
• herbal chai
• sweet chai
• sun-brewed jamaica w/ local honey
• traditional southwestern herbal teas
• Anderson family iced tea
• lemon raspados w/ green tea
• coffee: "whatever" cup o' joe; Peruvian; Guatemalan; etc. exotic coffees--all fair trade & organic, naturally.
  • w/ syrups, if needed.
• red eye
• espresso
• toddy
• cappuccino
• latte
• chocolate milk
• hot cocoa (organic!)
• mango lassi: mango blended with yogurt
• ayran: iced yogurt mint drink
• Arabic/Turkish coffee
• Arabic mint tea

Cocktails (none original, nor their names, I'm afraid)

• Monsoon Season Mojito
• Nimbus Strike
  • 30ml banana liqueur, 30ml Bailey's Irish cream, 30ml Malibu, 15ml cream
• Dark Matter
  • 15ml Blue Curacao, 15ml Chambord
• Cannon Barrage
  • 25ml Gold Wasser, 25ml Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum, 50ml OJ
• Lulu's Whimsy
  • 30ml Malibu, 15ml Cointreau, 15ml Midori, 30ml Fresh Cream, Dash of Creme de Menthe
• Solar Flare
  • 45ml Gold Tequila, 90ml Fresh OJ, 30ml Peach Schnapps, Dash of Grenadine
• Witch's Cave Coffee/Alistar's Headbutt
  • 30ml Cream, 90ml Milk, 30ml Frangelico, 30ml Kahlua, 30ml Vodka, 15ml Bailey's Irish Cream, Lash Dash of Chocolate Syrup, Dash of Vanilla
• Frostbite
  • 15ml Blue Curacao, 15ml Vodka, Dash of Pure Maple Syrup
• Toxic Shot
  • 15ml Frangelico, 15ml Godiva Chocolate Liqueur
• Powerball
  • 30ml Brandy, 25ml White Creme de Cacao, 15ml Amaretto, 30ml Cream, 15ml Frangelico
• Starcall
  • 30ml Banana Liqueur, 30ml Drambuie, 30ml White Creme de Cacao, 30ml Cream
• Electrical Surge
  • 30ml Sake, 15ml Brandy, 15ml Creme de Menthe
• Blade Waltz
  • 30ml Cognac, 30ml Grand Marnier, 30ml Champagne
• Death Ray
  • 30ml Vodka, 30ml Gin, 30ml White Creme de Cacao
• Malice & Spite
  • 10ml Strawberry Liqueur, 10ml Black Sambuca, 10ml Coconut Cream

Note to self: Restaurants With Awesome Menus

• Samurai, Tucson
• Yoshimatsu, Tucson
• Beyond Bread, Tucson
• Arizona Inn, Tucson
• Shane's, Baltimore
• Wedding cakes

(arch 5.10.19 || Corvidius PC)