• Finally moved to Illinois. Screw that shithole I came from.
• Put blonde in my hair.
• I've gotten a nice lovely tan.
• I met a new attractive male, Bobby.
• However, I don't think said attractive male is all that into me because I'm just a stupid little shiksa.
• I grew some balls to ride Superman: The Ultimate Flight AND Vertical Velocity at Six Flags.
• Oh yeah, I have a season pass to Six Flags. :)
• I've lost a little weight.
• I'm slowly, but surely, getting over Chris. FINALLY.
• I've developed an obsession; Christofer Drew. AKA nevershoutnever.
• I have quit smoking; cigarettes, Mary Jane, etc.
• I've stopped writing 'emotastic' poetry.

+ = favorites! Girl Names:

• Aubrey.
• Audrey/Audrie. +
• Emmaleigh.
• Hannah.
• Hayley. +
• Matilda.
• Sadee. +
• Skye. +
• Zoey. +

Boy Names:

• Aiden +
• Christopher
• Landon +
• Noah
• Spencer

More to come I am sure.

• Sarah, what a dear!
• She always marched to the beat of her own drum.
• Sarah would do anything for someone she loved.
• Sarah would not have wanted you to mourn her death today, but to celebrate her life instead.
• Her kindness was admirable.
• Hey, you, pass a jello shot over here! (not really about me, but I'd love for this to be said at my funeral)
• Sarah who?
• Sarah always looked fabulous.
• What a douchebag
• In high school, she turned into a bitch I could no longer recognize.

• Razors.
• Beach tote.
• Bikini.
• Some Old Navy flip-flops.
• T-shirts. From Kohls (the cutest Jimi Hendrix shirt EVER is here!), PacSun, Delia's, etc...
• Soffe shorts. (Super comfy, a summer staple for me)
• Denim shorts. (probably from PacSun)
• Jeans.
• Tanks/Camis (PacSun)
• Hemp string and beads to make friendship bracelets for my friends before I leave for Illinois.
• Train pass (unlimited ride card) so that I can come back home to Indiana to visit mom, cousin, friends, etc.
• Tanning lotion.
• Large beach towel.
• New bedding for new home. (preferably tha...

• I have amazing friends!
• B.Walk makes me feel amazing again.
• I'm moving to Round Lake, Illinois very soon (less than a month, actually). GOODBYE, NW INDIANA! :)
• I can do awesomely fabulous eye makeup :)
• I have nice hair.
• I have a lot going for me.
• I don't need a guy to make me happy!
• I have great music on my iPod that cheers me up instantly :)
• Every little thing is gonna be alright!
• I have a lot of people who love me that are willing to cheer me up, no matter what.
• Life goes on. :)

• Brick by Boring Brick, Paramore
• Free Bird, Lynyrd Skynyrd
• Hurricane, The Hush Sound
• Ode to Divorce, Regina Spektor
• Bulletproof, La Roux
• Monday x3, Tegan and Sara
• The Conversation, Motion City Soundtrack
• Brown Eyes, Lady Gaga
• Run Run Girl, See You Soon
• Pursuit of Happiness, Kid Cudi
• Thinking of You, Katy Perry
• Make Me Wanna Die, The Pretty Reckless
• Leave the Pieces, The Wreckers

• (500) Days of Summer
• A Nightmare on Elm Street series
• A Walk to Remember
• Across the Universe
• Alice in Wonderland (original)
• Borat
• Bruno
• Candyman
• Elizabethtown
• Knocked Up
• Lion King
• Marie Antoinette
• Rocky Horror Picture Show
• Sex Drive
• South Park movie
• Superbad
• The Little Mermaid
• The Notebook
• Tuck Everlasting
• Valentine's Day
• Yellow Submarine

• I would kind of like him to realize I'm the best thing that ever happened to him.
• I wish I could get some self-confidence.
• I wish I was not constantly down in the dumps.
• I wish I didn't go back to my old booze-y ways.
• Start drinking less, and smoke more instead. lol
• Stop wearing so many pairs of sweats.
• Stop obsessing over my appearance.
• Love myself, no more self-loathing, missy!

• Abbey Road- the Beatles
• Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band- The Beatles
• One of the Boys- Katy Perry
• Soviet Kitsch- Regina Spektor

• Kat Von D eyeshadow palette
• new OPI nail polish
• more Redken and Paul Mitchell hair products
• another tube of Urban Decay Pocket Rocket lip gloss
• a GOOD black eyeliner
• liquid eyeliner
• a new Kathy Van Zeeland handbag
• a functional sundress
• Glee Season 1.
• 16 & Pregnant DVDs
• Teen Mom DVDs
• Secret Life of the American Teenager DVDs
• hair shit for beauty school
• tank tops
• new iPod
• three-barrel curling iron
• laptop
• gradual tan lotion

• When his cologne rubs off on me when we hug and I still smell him later in the day.
• The way he smiles.
• The way he laughs.
• His kisses.
• The way he can always get me out of my angry or sad moods.
• He carries my books and lunch trays for me.
• He doesn't care that I have a hoop in my nostril and gauged ears.
• He loves The Beatles. I've been waiting all my life for a boyfriend that enjoys listening to The Beatles!
• I can go to him crying and within ten seconds he can have me calmed down and smiling.
• He took me in for two weeks after family drama went down.
• His hugs still get me all giddy!

• Loose Girl
  • About a girl's decent into promiscuity.
• Smashed
  • A girl becomes an alcoholic, and needs her stomach pumped as early as 16.
• I Married Dee Dee Ramone: A Punk Love Story
  • OMG DEE DEE WAS MY FAVE RAMONE; 'nough said :)

• When Christopher sees me, he hugs me. And he kissed me yesterday... but now he's acting all strange and distant.
• I should never, ever take hits off a bong again...that was NOT good last night. 3 hits + 1 margarita later= 'ohhhh shit, I gotta lay down.' And also, I threw up...and I cried in Autumn's lap while Sabrina was holding my hand because I kept thinking about Chris.
• I have some really nice, amazing friends that pin back my hair while I'm puking and hold my hand or let me cry in their laps while I'm crying.
• When I wake up the morning after smoking/drinking for school, I feel too tired to want to do anything.

• A- apples, acronyms
• B- bananas, best friends, beer, The Beatles, brouhaha
• C- cats, computers, cigarettes, C.C. :(
• D- dancing, dinosaurs (used to wanna be a paleontologist), Doritos
• E- elephants
• F- fun, flip flops
• G- giraffes, George Harrison
• H- hair, Hollister hoodies
• I- Italians
• J- Jamba Juice, John Lennon
• K- Katy Perry, Kat Von D, Kathy Van Zeeland
• L- Lady Gaga, lip gloss, Lil Wayne
• M- money, makeup, Mary Jane, Marc Jacobs
• N- nail polish, nevershoutnever!, Nicholas Sparks novels
• O- oranges, opinions, options
• P- Paramore, Paul McCartney, (screaming)penis in public places, PINK body lotion i...

• "Life is short, so love the one you got; cuz you might get run over or you might get shot." - Love is What I Got, Sublime.
• "She's got this journal filled with all her black ink guilt and love is the only thing keeping her alive." - Breathe Again, Jimmy Robbins.
• "I won't let you turn around and tell me now I'm much too proud to walk away from something when it's dead." - Bulletproof, La Roux.
• "I'll start this broken heart; I'll fix it up so it will work again, better than before." - Broken Heart, Motion City Soundtrack.
• "Everything was everything, but baby it's the last show. Everything could be everything but it's time to say goodbye, so, get your last fix and your last hit, grab your old girl with her new tricks. Honey, yeah, it's no surprise that I got lost i...

• Camel Menthol cigarettes.
  • BAD. BAD. BAD.
• Victoria's Secret Drenched In PINK Supersoft Body Lotion in Fruity & Bright. (I AM fruity and bright.. lol)
• Having dark hair.
• Bronzer...because it makes me look sunny.(:
• Eyeliner.
• Kabuki blush brushes.
• Nicholas Sparks novels (even if they do give me false hope).
• Going to the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
• Jamaican Me Happy wine coolers.
• Beeeeeeeeer. :)
• Margaritas.
• Ulta eyeshadow.
• Tarina Tarantino jewelry.
• My iPod.
• Lying in my bed; satin bedding, three pil...

Why do I miss him so much still, when it seems like he is already completely over me? But how in the hell am I to get over the only guy I've ever loved???

• Stop thinking about him before bed, because maybe I wouldn't dream about him every goddamn night...and I'll actually SLEEP instead of wake up crying.
• Steal my heart back. I swear, the motherfucker still has every little crushed fragment of it.
• Take the gauges out of my ears?? (probably soo not happening though)
• Dye my hair!!
• Start tanning again, so that I feel simply gawgeous.
• Monroe piercing, anyone? (another way to try to feel smexy)
• Listen to Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles on my iPod on loop until I stop my damn crying and start smiling!

• In some ways they are totally worth it, and in some ways they are totally not.
• I don't want to be in a new relationship for a long, long, long time.
• They bring nothing but heartbreak to big dreamers like myself.
• It seems like the more perfect you expect a relationship to be, the more likely it is for the relationship to fail.

• she's beautiful
• she's funny
• greatest smile in the world
• she's an amazing friend
• i love her
• she's there for me always
• i love hearing her laugh because it makes me happy
• she's totally retarded like me
• she may not be a straight up b*tch like me but opposites attract and she's one of my best friends
• people think we are dating. hahha.
• the rest of her is just indescribable.
• I love you Sarah Beth Marcotte

• Where The Wild Things Are
• Where The Sidewalk Ends
• Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
• The Hobbit (Dad read me this)
• Pippy Longstocking books
• The Phantom Tollbooth
• Bridge to Terabithia
• Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
• Dr. Seuss books
• Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret
• As Long As We're Together
• Deenie
• Tuck Everlasting

• Pursuit of Happiness- Kid Cudi
• Within You Without You- The Beatles
• Real Love- John Lennon
• Maybe I'm Amazed- Paul McCartney
• The Only Exception- Paramore
• Homesick at Space Camp- Fall Out Boy
• Samson- Regina Spektor
• Brown Eyes- Lady Gaga
• Simple- Katy Perry
• Fall in Love- See You Soon
• Dreams- The Cranberries
• In My Life- The Beatles

• Los Angeles, California
• Paris, France
• Normandy, France (ancestors came from here)
• Versailles
• London, England
• Poland
• Ireland
• Canada
• New York City
• Arkansas
• New Jersey (Jersey Shore, baby! lol)
• Jamaica
• Aruba
• Bahamas
• Mexico
• Brazil
• Belgium
• Germany
• India
• Japan

• Hair color.
• Hair cuts.
• Makeup.
• The Beatles.
• The feeling I get when I see him.
• McDonald's.
• Burger King.
• Wendy's.
• Yogurt with granola.
• Flip flops.
• Music.
• Smiling my creepy smile.
• Reading stories about 'haunted' Indiana.
• Chicago!
• Indiana Beach.
• The mall.
• Hollister hoodies.
• Sweatpants.
• Jeans.
• Soffe shorts.
• Tattoos.

• Listen to the new iPod fully loaded with good tunes.
• Read, read, read.
• Probably bitch and moan about how bored I am.
• Write some fabulous poetry.
• Maybe start writing a novel.
• OBVIOUSLY text people.
• Daydream. <3
• Think.
• Talk. A lot.
• HOPEFULLY sleep. A LOT.
• Be pissed off that I won't be able to go online the whole train ride :(
• Think about my lack of love life.
• Play games with my baby sister.
• ................

• I had sex with my ex Christopher on Monday because he claimed he wanted me back.
• Said ex doesn't really want me back.
• My sadness over said ex causes a lot of people to be pissed at me.
• My depression causes me to seem self-centered, and most of my friends have been pushed away because of this.
• I'm ugly as fuck; who would ever want me?
• I'm kind of a bitch.
• My emotions run wild.
• I'm pretty sure there is something wrong with me mentally.

• After those douchebags spread around that forward with a picture of me drunk, with that soundclip singing "I've got the clap and I'm giving it to you...she's fucked everyone at school" or whatever, I don't want to even show my face. That picture of me was god-awful. :(
• I don't really wanna walk with my new boyfriend (Brian) while staring at my ex boyfriend again. Because it's just wrong.
• I'm ditching tomorrow, anyway, because it's senior ditch day. Why not ditch both days?!!?
• I feel emotionally drained.
• I hate all the drama that going to PHS brings to my life.
• I just don't give a fuck anymore.
• I hate all of those drama-loving, shit-talking snooty bitches that roam the halls of Portage High School. Fuck them, fuck them, fuck them.

• STOP FUCKING SMOKING; I just got over bronchitis for the fourth time since November. And I have asthma...so this shit's gotta stop.
• Get a smexy tan.
• Move out of Portage, Indiana (June 12 is my last day here).
• Convince someone, anyone, to go to Warped Tour with me.
• Visit my friends often.
• Go swimming everyday.
• Lose more weight.
• G.E.D.
• Finally get over him.

• Here Comes the Sun, The Beatles <333
• Pursuit of Happiness, Kid Cudi
• Plays Pretty For Baby, Zolof the Rock and Roll Destroyer
• You're Not Alone, Saosin
• Time To Pretend, MGMT
• Breathe Again, Jimmy Robbins

• Lizzy Morey.
• Autumn Birkmeyer.
• Ashley Antle.
• Brian Walker.

fuck the rest.....

• The Beatles! (if only that were possible! :|)
• Led Zeppelin
• Def Leppard
• Kid Cudi
• Regina Spektor
• Motion City Soundtrack (they are so amazing live!)
• The Hush Sound (also wonderful live)
• Frank Zappa (R.I.P.)
• Paramore
• The Used
• Tegan and Sara
• Nevershoutnever!
• Lady Gaga
• The Cranberries
• See You Soon
• Wilco

• Free Bird, Lynyrd Skynyrd
• The Only Exception, Paramore
• Sometimes I Just Go For It, Bert McCracken
• Time Warp, Rocky Horror Picture Show :)
• With Me, Sum 41
• Baby Come On, Plus44
• Fidelity, Regina Spektor
• Blackbird, The Beatles
• Samson, Regina Spektor
• In My Life, The Beatles
• Let It Be, The Beatles
• If I Fell, The Beatles
• Ode to Divorce, Regina Spektor
• Hero, Regina Spektor
• Hurricane, The Hush Sound
• The Conversation, Motion City Soundtrack
• It Had to Be You, Motion City Soundtrack
• Look What You've Done, Jet

• He's very racist. Not cool.
• He has anger issues.
• He has treated my friends like shit.
• Apparently he likes to get drunk and kiss other girls at parties; obviously he didn't care enough to think of me.
• He jumps from girl to girl.
• His friends are freaking retarded, uneducated, idiotic, ignorant neanderthals.
• He acts very differently when we're around those neanderthals.
• He's kind of immature.
• He is an ANGRY drunk.
• He fills my head with lies.
• He is a heartbreaker.

• Eat excessive amounts of food
• Consuming full bags of Doritos by myself
• Read
• Listen to a lot of music
• Smoke a ton of cigarettes
• Hang out with the besties
• Change my appearance a little bit
• Go shopping
• Draw/doodle
• Write poetry to get my feelings out

• Urban Decay Pocket Rocket lipgloss
• Kat Von D eyeshadow duo in King Cobra
• CoverGirl Exact Eyelights Mascara for brown eyes
• Daisy by Marc Jacobs perfume
• Victoria's Secret PINK lotions and body sprays
• Chap Stick
• Bath & Body Works Sweet Pea body lotion
• CoverGirl Lash Blast Length mascara
• Paul Mitchell Super Skinny Serum
• Victoria's Secret Beauty Rush body products (Appletini and Coconut scents)
• CoverGirl foundation
• Maybelline bronzer
• Tigi Bed Head flat iron
• Tigi Bed Head hair products

• Katy Perry
• Lily Allen
• Hanna Beth Merjos
• Hayley Williams
• Kat Von D
• Audrey Hepburn
• Audrey Kitching
• Emily Browning
• Greta Salpeter
• Ashlee Simpson
• Juliet Simms
• Regina Spektor
• Zooey Deschanel
• Ke$ha