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Also, this is my last ditch effort to get organized. Of course, on this website I sound organized. I sound like I have goals. I can assure you, for every part of order in my life, there is an equal amount of chaos.

elizabeth follows:
Det books (i've read in 2014)
movies (watched in 2014)
winglessdreamer movies (seen)
lindsay food (snacks)
raph wishlist (Wishlist)
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Yes, I fully realize this is probably asking too much. I also don't have a single friend who fits into all of these categories. And really, I'm not sad about it. I love my pirate friends. The bastards. They all have their perks, and strong suits. Sure they aren't perfect, who is? But they are mine. And I can't lie, I'm not always proud. I'm not always excited about them. Nor can I say I'm even excited to even hang out with them sometimes. (A shame on everyone's part.) But I still love them. I mean expecting these things out of dirty pirates is just expecting too much. Pirates are a different breed. And I am one of them. We take what we want, when we want. Rape, pillage, and plunder. As much as I differentiate myself from them, I am still one of them. Even if it is only by association. I don't know if I could even retain a relationship with someone who had every single quality I dream of. But anyway. That's more of an introduction than I planned on. It's a pirates life for me, motherfucker. And I don't want to change it. Well, I don't want to more than I do. I dream big, but I live bigger.

  • Someone that I can seriously talk with about my doubts.
    • Seems like everyone just tells me it will pass, or what I have going is perfect. But is it? How do you know? How do I know? So many circles to run around here. And no one to run around them with.
  • Someone who can keep a fucking secret.
    • No one I know. I mean, I love my friends, but I can't tell them shit. So I don't. And now who do I talk to about EVERYTHING? My cat. Probably unhealthy.
  • Someone who won't judge me for my mistakes.
    • I feel like I can't even tell my friends about my fuck ups. It will only get held over my head at a later instance, or told to the world at a very inappropriate time.
  • Someone who I can say no to, without feeling like a jackass.
    • I have a huge problem saying no, I feel strangely obligated to do things. No one seems to have this problem toward me.
  • Someone who knows the very discreet, very exact language of eyelids. The thoughts I express through my blinking.
    • Family members have this down. I people knew this langauge, they would know me, you know?
  • Someone who has SUPERB taste in music
    • Most of my friends have this down. Who's a friend that hasn't introduced you to at least three good bands? Not a friend at all. Not a friend AT ALL.
  • Someone who I can take on family trips, without it being weird.
    • Respect is a big deal. If you can respect my family more than you can respect me, well, I'll respect you even more.
  • Someone I can learn something from.
    • I teach more than I learn. I don't like this. It's unbalanced.
  • Someone I can be 100% honest around.
    • Impossible, I know.
  • Someone who asks me the serious questions, about what's really going on in my life, my sanity, etc.
    • No one really does this. If they ask me how I am, it's just to half listen and use it as a reason I should listen to their sob-story. The most annoying thing ever, I swear.
  • SOMEONE WHO CAN GET HANDLE THEIR SHIT.
    • Take some responsibility, for goodness' sake! For the shit that is happening in your life, down to how fucked up you've made yourself.
    • If I manage to go a night where NONE of my friends cry, it's a fucking miracle.

I don't know if this is it, but I'm drunk; so.

nov 19 2011 ∞
dec 3 2011 +