• lost my virginity
• run away from home
• made a web mini-series
• been a model
• gone to cotillion
• become valedictorian

sum·mer: (verb) to spend or pass the summer. sum·mered, sum·mer·ing

• ✖ get my braces off
• ✖ get some schooling
• ✔ get a pottermore account
• ✔ travel to London and Paris
• ✔ enjoy my vacation
• ✔ meet some strangers
• ✔ get some culture
• ✔ develop a new personality
• ✖ speak softly with dramatic gestures
• ✔ rediscover a love of reading in crowded places
• ✔ fall in lust
• ✖ go to the beach

• the ability to make myself sick
• my mind
• every grandfather I've ever had
• my strawberry blonde locks
• my self-esteem (sixth grade)
• my phone for several hours (at a rave in eight grade)
• the ability to lie (ninth grade)
• my once beautiful, green eyes (thanksgiving)
• cameo pendant (at Cumberland Island)
• the most perfect heart shaped glasses (at Cumberland Island)
• my panda bathing suit (twelfth grade)
• meteorite necklace (the hot tub at Panama City Beach)
• my dinner and several hours of memory (at SCAD on 09 apr 2011)
• my tiger's eye scrying pendulum (in Paris)

• accepting complements
• being free of panic attacks
• eating sparingly and regularly
• no longer craving things with my entire body
• living in reality
• no longer fighting to get up in the morning
• seeing beauty in everything
• being less angry and vindictive
• doing things vivaciously
• wanting to grow and develop past my personalities

• trying foolishly to blame his sister instead of standing up for myself when I wrote "I love you" on Nick C.'s computer
• asking my sister not to get my in trouble when I bruised her butt with compressed air
• that I've never had to try to make friends and that I don't care enough to try to keep them
• not listening better to the people I care about
• always one-uping everyone's stories. though is was cool in elementary school, I regret the last time I ever did so (in seventh grade). I still haven't lived it down.
• anorexia
• not saying yes to the handful of boys that asked me out in high school
• going to SCAD as opposed to going out with the too-cool-for-me ginger who wanted t...

• hyperventilating
• cradling my head in my hands
• holding my stomach like I'm falling to pieces
• half smiles framing words like 'I'm fine' and 'maybe we could do this later'
• screaming, bawling, and other degrading public displays
• drinking two-liters of mountain dew
• not eating
• not sleeping
• not talking
• not paying attention to you, class, or even living
• not wanting to get out of bed
• using the word never repeatedly in conjunction to the future
• singing myself to sleep through my sobs
• lying in a ball on the floor for hours
• seeming generally distressed and inconsolable for days
• a perpetual migraine (which is rather red...

• Bill and Ted
• Doc Brown and Marty McFly
• James Cole
• Donnie Darko
• Henry DeTamble
• the Doctor
• Hermione Granger
• Captain Kirk
• Frank Parker
• Jenna Rink
• Ebeneezer Scrooge
• George Taylor
• the Terminator
• Evan Treborn

• my mouth is being cut by loose wires from my braces
• my hand is still hurting from my I.V.
• my lower back is aching from the new, too firm bed
• my feet are far too cold
• my muscles are creaking and groaning
• my head is throbbing
• my posture is horrendous
• my ears are soar from so much pressure

• Azad, the Persian pirate
• Jack Heart, prince of wonderland
• John Cusack, defending an alternate world from aliens
• Marcus Kingsly, whom I found through a glass igloo in the attic

• good booze
• great friendships
• love affairs
• expeditions overseas
• childhood memories
• sean connery

sooner:

• chocolate
• notebooks
• water

later:

• a futon
• a keyboard
• an iPhone 5
• wireless mouse
• wireless printer

• asks for permission to do things
• even when he never intends to follow through
• stares at me from across the room
• gives me space but clings to me when I'm in his arms
• never stands for anyone putting me down
• talks about our make-believe life in present tense
• always has his own opinion
• but listens to mine regardless
• loves that I don't understand girly things and yet still want to clean my room in heels and pearls
• genuinely believes that he loves me
• tells me when he's made a mistake
• and doesn't force me to forgive him
• is gonna be the one who saves me

things I use to repeat incessantly, despite the fact that they gave me the heebie jeebies.

• "one fine day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight." from the poem two dead boys
• "one, two, freddy's coming for you. three, four, better lock the door. five, six, grab a crucifix. seven, eight, gonna stay up late. nine, ten, never sleep again." from a nightmare on elm street (1984)
• "now he's coming through the woods, now he's coming through the yard, now he's coming in the house, now he's coming up the stairs." from night visions (1.07)
• "a-tisket a-tasket, a victim in a casket."
• "ladybird, o fly now up into the sky now, hark to the drumming, now the turks are coming; hurry, hurry will you 'for they catch and kill you, pickle you in brine, t...

• going to bed alone
• dying slowly
• facing the elements
• moving to a foreign country
• becoming famous or beautiful
• losing my wanderlust or sense of wonder
• someone loving me unconditionally
• developing food allergies
• finding my life unlived

• go to work (at my job)
• do my homework before the deadline
• call my friends and family just to say hello
• say yes to boys that fancy me
• enjoy the day
• read a book in one sitting
• turn off the telly
• turn down sugary confections when I'm not hungry
• think long and hard about whether or not I actually need something before I buy it
• spend time with the people I car about
• think about other people's well being above my own
• just be happy for my friends when they do better than me; don't think less of myself because of it
• drink water instead
• exercise a little

• turn every telly in your house to your favorite show
• sing along to every stupid song on the radio
• play dress up
• run around naked
• bake in your heels and pearls
• read a book with the sunlight on your face
• light candles in the dark
• stay in bed all day
• write bad poetry
• pretend you're in love

• into my lover's arms
• a bay window by the sea
• to the end of the world
• my childhood
• whichever book I happen to be reading
• the lake on a chilly night that's far too bright
• an empty, poorly lit room in which my conscience and I often converse
• the world as it would appear in a video game (like in dothack or caprica)
• a house of one way mirrors looking in on hundreds of simple lives

• do everything you do with passion
• never be bored
• never stay in one place
• say what you mean and mean what you say
• don't complain unless you can change something
• things that are not can become when you pretend
• talk softly; people will try harder to hear
• saying, "No," feels good
• scream when you need to
• do what you want, when you want, how you want
• never let people dictate you unless you know they know better
• exaggerate your emotions immensely
• never close your eyes; you might miss something
• love everything you can

these may not be my favorite songs, but they make me yearn and ache and long for more. and I think that's the most poetic feeling in the world.

• almost lover by a fine frenzy
• boy with a coin by iron and wine
• bruises by chairlift
• build god, then we'll talk by panic at the disco
• calendar girl by stars
• complement each other like colors by playradioplay
• creep by radiohead
• every me and every you by placebo
• honeythief by halou
• it's not a fashion statement by my chemical romance
• love rhymes with hideous car accident by the blood brothers
• lover i don't have to love by bright eyes
• lua by bright eyes
• modern swinger by the pink spiders
• my beautiful rescue by this providence
• my only friend by ronnie day
• now that we're done by metro station

• family: i love you because*
• food: heart warmers*
• observations: how to live magically*
• observations: i don't like being constantly socail*
• observations: lost things*
• observations: sources of melancholy*
• observations: wonderful sensations*
• people: i have always missed*
• people: noms de plume*
• things: that suck about breaking up*
• wishlist: impossible*
• words: lovely french terms with no sufficient translation*

• i'm insecure
• thus i instinctively say "no" when i'm asked out
• because i assume it's a joke
• because i know no one would ever actually want to be with me
• and nobody has ever liked me enough to ask twice
• all i'm good for is a vagina
• all i'm good for is cleaning your house
• all i'm good for is making babies
• all i'm good for is watching you play video-games, hanging out with your friends, and watching action movies since i don't like chick-flicks in the first place
• and feminists have even taken those cards out of my deck
• since now i'm going against my own sex when i use any of these strengths as my selling points
• and since i've yet to be notified of any ...

• atlantis
• cupid and psyche's
• hogwarts
• the looking glass in my dreams
• neverland
• the pirate ship in my head
• sepulchres by the sea
• the tardis
• u.s.s. enterprise
• wonderland

• facebook, is for stalkers
• formspring.me, ask me something beautiful
• gaiaonline, makes me judgmental
• goodreads, books always love you back
• listography, en français, s'il vous plaît
• tumblr, is my homepage
• twitter, 140 letters of my life
• xanga, love letters

• the game telephone
• math
• getting boys to agree to be her boyfriend
• confrontation
• expressing her feelings to anyone other than Kathy and Christina
• voicing her needs and desires
• normal social interactions
• getting things done in a timely manner

• clean out my closet at home
• go through my stuff in storage
• inventory my books
• inventory my dvds
• inventory my vhs'
• ✔ figure out how I want my room to look
• ✔ budget for my big-ticket items (school)
• ✔ finalize my school schedule
• ✔ figure out how I'm paying for school

• I am as good at following instructions as I am at giving them.
• I work well under odd hours.
• I can read lips.
• I know multiple languages to moderate fluency.
• I'm pretty but not very memorable.
• I blend in well.
• I do well in isolation.
• I am a good team player, but I do just as well on my own.
• I am a good improviser.
• I'm very observant to the point of being a little paranoid - if something can go wrong, it will, so I make sure I'm prepared for it.
• I don't have any tattoos or bodily marks.
• I do well with lose and don't let it effect me.
• Hunger isn't debilitating for me.

• a futon
• a keyboard piano
• a tv stand (like my window bench)
• sheer curtains
• a framed tron poster
• a star projector

as long as you'll let me grab just these few simple things, I'll go anywhere you'd take me.

• luxuries
  • my phone, wallet, and keys
  • netbook
  • camera
  • a deck of cards
  • a book
• hygiene
  • rose salve, rejuvalash, solid shampoo and conditioner, soap, lotion, razors, toothbrush, toothpaste, hairbrush, hair-ties, nail clippers, and tweezers
• clothes for my back
  • three long sleeve shirts
  • three short sleeve shirts
  • one pair of jeans

• a changeling
• cinderella
• a ghost
• sleeping beauty
• wendy darling
• a witch

• b - t - dubs
• indubitably
• you're awesome
• asshole spider
• what the frell?
• why is it so cold?
• billy (my belly) is so hungry
• it's too bad he's/she's dead

astrophysics major:

• astronomy 120, 121, 121L, 300, 301, 400: 3/6
• physics 110, 111, 210, 211: 1/7
• three additional 300-level physics courses
• mathematics 118, 119, 220: 2/3

classics minor:

• six courses of 2 or more credits in Greek, Latin or classics: 3/4
• at least two courses of 2 or more credits at the 300 level: 0/2

classics major:

• one language course above Latin 202
• classical history and culture 121 and 122
• classical literature 232, 322 or 331
• at least five other courses selected from Greek, Latin and Classics, including Art 201, Philosophy 206 and Philosophy 321

• my weight
• my grades
• losing my all teeth
• not being good enough
• locking myself out of my room
• how my asceticism has scared me
• the way I don't eat
• the way I don't sleep
• the way I hate myself
• the way I jones for alcohol no matter how long I go without
• my genetics and if my kids will hate me for them
• only being able to determine my self-worth through being better than everyone around me and how broken up I will get when I realize (as I always eventually do) that I'm not
• that eventually everyone will realize how empty I am
• that I will never find happiness or conte...

• the magical train ride I took with my papa
• painting Samantha C. as blue as a smurf, head to toe
• horseback riding with my mother up in north GA
• watching Stephan lick his cellphone battery for fun
• the late-afternoon that I met Cody M.
• my lunchtime adventures at the Drewtopian table
• staying up with Cody M. all night on the phone
• the week I spent with Cara L. at PCB

• am I doing this right?
• to whom should I be speaking?
• do I really have all the information they'll ask for?
• why are they talking to me like I'm stupid?
• did I actually hear that correctly?
• please, don't think that I sound distracted.
• will I be able to reach them if I need to make a change?
• why the hell is my computer suddenly making all this fucking noise while I'm making this uber fucking important phone call?
• I can't find a pen to write this shit down.
• where can I keep this info now so that I don't lose it?
• what if I miss my appointment?
• will you think I'm a douche?

• counselors consistently say my issues are above their pay-grade and recommend me to someone else
• they seem to want to go on tangents whenever I am trying to make a point
• I always have to watch my words -
• lest I get the "but that's not what you said" speech
• lest I get the "we may need to notify someone" speech
• I always leave feeling like I was abused in my childhood
• I don't understand therapy; when I have a cold, I take medicine; when I have a panic attack or depression, I'm to relive it all over again
• I know when it started, what triggered it, the symptoms, the warning signs, and have come to terms with it, I just want to get healthy
• I wonder if I might as well have been tal...