07.2020 ✧ the sky was really blue. i was wearing jeans n my old black zip hoodie. i was at the back office of my old elementary school having an anxiety attack. “don’t worry, they’re here for you, you know that. don’t be afraid, they won’t leave you,” and god’s voice lingers, way too clear, way too loud, way too real.

08.2020 ✧ when i asked my girlfriend out n i heard a spirit saying, “you’ve just changed your entire timeline.”

12.2020 ✧ we’re in my childhood room n there’s a monstrous thunderstorm outside. inside there’s a ruddy ground dove flying n knocking itself against my room’s walls. my mother says i won’t ever catch it, but i do. the bird is enormous on my 7-year-old hands. i try to release it outside, but the gale is too strong n the sky is very dark n heavy. lightning and thunder mix with a thick fog. still, i throw the bird out of the window. it falls down; its wings are chipped n clipped at the edges. i wonder—coldly, without guilt—if it will be able to fly. it does. sluggishly n messy, until a burst of wind carries it far up into the sky.

01.2021 ✧ we were all investigating a gigantic manor while wearing the chainsaw man uniforms. after the investigation is over, i sit on a soccer field n watch the kids play. a blonde boy runs past me. “I should’ve been like this huh,” i think. after that, some ppl give us black gelatin that tastes like ink to drink n we start a fight with some cabaret girls.

02.2021 ✧ the day i met my anima. she was bruised, weak, severely hurt, n vomiting maggots on a dirty hospital gurney. “she asked me to choke her, not to drown her, oh my god” i tell them, but the scientists were much more worried about the maggots. “it’s a new type,” they said.

05.2024 ✧ while having a conversation w my future self from another timeline, who has seen other parallel futures n universes of mine, he tells me, “you here, you there... it doesn’t make any difference to your family. you’re not this nuclear fallout you think you are. the other you is now screaming and crying, because he destroyed himself just to make them happy, and it did not make any difference. completely, utterly, worthless.”

05.2024 ✧ i find my shadow in a tiny room made of reflective glass. its insides are dark, cold, and moist; there are no windows nor light, and there’s mould growing on the ceiling n corners. the room is cramped with cardboard boxes, filled w food, gadgets, books, toys, etc. my shadow sleeps on the biggest box—it’s hidden by the hoard of other boxes. inside, there’s a fluffy quilt and comfy blankets and pillows; it’s like a bird’s nest.