✧CONTEMPLATING THE PAST AS YOU MAKE YOUR WAY OUT OF THE IRON CAGE:

• after a month filled with tons of drama with relationships and sola-powered cars, you make your way through the new school year as a college student. not only that, but you are kind of a celebirty around these parts cause everyone knows you are valedictorian. you just know that after a lot of shit and a lot of sleep miss, this gonna be a long year with a lot of things you gotta wrap up. on the bright side, at least you've been watching mcu movies every weekend.

✧ THE END OF ADOLESCENCE:

• 10/01/2024 ➣ you go to school after being low on sleep to prepare for your meeting with the principal. you checked to make sure grades were good and went in the system. you ended up having to clean up after an event last night all by yourself. you almost fought a cockroach, but you popped like 80 balloons and gave some to the kids and walked around with the rest tied around you. you played some rocket league with the gaming club and they lost like 9 - 2. you did your chemistry and art work to make some time. you almost messed up your sociology grade because you were so tired but it ended up working out.
• 10/02/2024 ➣ you go to school looking nice with the suit and tie because you're outstanding senior of the month. after clearing things up about solar car, fixing bulletin boards, you attend a lunch in for outstanding senior of the month. you met an old friend from middle school and you gave a speech about inspiring others. it was crappy but the message got across. you then made fun of people while finishing stuff up. solar car is filled with a bunch of dedicated people as well as a lot of blood in the water, but we gotta get stuff done. as you walk in the hot sun with shades and a nice plaque as a new reward, you start to feel kendrick's song "feel". "i ain't feelin' your presence. feel like i'ma learn you a lesson. feel like only me and the music though. i feel like your feelin' ain't mutual. i feel like the enemy you should know. feel like the feelin' of no hope. the feelin' of bad dope. a quarter ounce manipulated from soap. the feelin', the feelin' of false freedom. i'll force-feed 'em the poison that fill 'em up in the prison. i feel like it's just me. look, i feel like i can't breathe. look, i feel like i can't sleep. look, i feel heartless, often off this. feelin' of fallin', of fallin' apart with. darkest hours, lost it. fillin' the void of bein' employed with ballin'. streets is talkin', fill in the blanks with coffins. fill up the banks with dollars. fill up the graves with fathers. fill up the babies with bullshit. internet blogs and pulpit, fill 'em with gossip. i feel like this gotta be the feelin' where 'pac was. the feelin' of an apocalypse happenin'. but nothin' is awkward, the feelin' won't prosper. the feelin' is toxic, i feel like i'm boxin' demons. monsters, false prophets schemin'. sponsors, industry promises. niggas, bitches, honkies, crackers, compton. church, religion, token blacks in bondage. lawsuit visits, subpoena served in concert. fuck your feelings, i mean this for imposters. i can feel it, the phoenix sure to watch us. i can feel it, the dream is more than process. i can put a regime that forms a loch ness. i can feel it, the scream that haunts all logic. i feel like sayin' somethin', i feel like takin' somethin'. i feel like skatin' off, i feel like waitin' for 'em. maybe it's too late for 'em. i feel like the whole world want me to pray for 'em. but who the fuck prayin' for me?" you spent the night learning about someone trying to be very toxic while also being called gay and nerdy but i'm not surprised.
• 10/03/2024 ➣ after doing math homework til 4am, you go to sleep, wake up, and start getting stuff done immediately.
• 10/04/2024 ➣ you come back with your amazing senior crown and get more people to sign your shirt. you go through a lot of emotional learning stuff, learn more about calculus, and go through the day trying to get stuff done. you did frustrate administration but that's hardly your fault. you gotta apologize to some other teachers and talk to others. go to a mid pep rally and head home to get some work done and some final prep for sat. you watch some of guardians of the galaxy with friends and head to sleep.
• 10/05/2024 ➣ you wake up early, get prepped and head into academic war with another encounter with the sat. after you were done, you feel pretty confident in your performance. perhaps you got at least a 50 to 100 point increase. you got back home and watched some videos and make a deal to do a 2000 word essay for $40. after playing some genshin, you head over to the homecoming game where you are mentally exhausted by the amount of people that are there. you saw some old faces and some friends and headed out. when you got home, you found out someone's mother got a gun pulled on her and her car got hit and that there was shooting that left people grazed, someone shot in the leg, and a cheerleader shot in the head. just some gun violence in america.
• 10/06/2024 ➣ after going to sleep, you wake up and spend the entire day on chemistry, a stupid paper for some money, and more calculus. at least you spent a decent portion talking to one of your ogs from elementary school whose birthday is today. also you were playing with play doh for lewis structure diagrams and your hands starting hurting, maybe you're getting old. so this led to an entire exhausting day of nonstop calculus assignments and a research paper that took you the entire day only for a chem exam. once you finished the chem exam, you had to listen to a few words before midnight. "one of these lives, i'ma make things right. with the wrongs i've done, that's one of you now. with the father, son, 'til then, i fight. rain on me, put the blame on me. got guilt, got hurt, got shame on me. got six magazines that's aimed at me. done every magazine, what's fame to me? (and i'm trippin' and fallin'). it's a game to me, where the bedroom at? sleep, i ain't had affairs with that. what's fair when the hearts and the words don't reach? what's fair when the money don't take things back? it's rare when somebody take your dreams back? (and i'm trippin' and fallin'). i care too much, wanna share too much. in my head too much, i shut down too. i ain't there too much, i'm a complex soul. they layered me up, then broke me down. and moralities dust, i lack in trust (and i'm trippin' and fallin'). this time around, i trust myself. please everybody else but myself. all else fails, i was myself. out done fear, out done myself. this year, you better one yourself (and i'm trippin' and fallin'). masks on the babies, mask on an opp. wear masks in the neighborhood stores you shot but a mask won't hide who you are inside. look around, the realities carved in the lies. wipe my ego, dodge my pride (and i'm trippin' and fallin'). look myself in the mirror. amityville, i ain't seen nothin' scarier. i fought like a pit bull terrier, blood i shed could fill up aquariums. tell my angels, "carry 'em" (and i'm trippin' and fallin'). every emotion been deprived. even my strong points couldn't survive. if i didn't learn to love myself, forgive myself a hundred times, dawg....." keep it going now. "you said i'd feel better if i just work hard without liftin' my head up. that left me fed up. you made me worry, i wanted my best version but you ignored me. then changed the story then changed the story. good energy in the room, drop the location, please. antibiotic for the womb, when i'm frustrated, please (antibiotic for the womb, when i'm frustrated). tryna keep my good conscious in rotation. thoughts in my head, they livin' there with no- (tryna keep my good). i made a decision, never give you my feelings. fuck with you from, fuck with you from a distance. some put it on the devil when they fall short. i put it on my ego, lord of all lords. sometimes i fall for her, dawg. i love when you count me out. i love when you count me out (sheesh). i love when you count me out (sheesh). i love when you count me out. my name is in your mouth. fuck it up, fuck it up (true, true). fuck it up, fuck it up, fuckin' it up. miss regrets, i believe that you done me wrong (miss regrets). miss regrets, can you please exit out my home? (miss regrets). miss regret, i think i'm better off alone (miss regrets). (miss regret). miss regret, i got these deep regrets (and i'm trippin' and fallin'). some things i can't forget. lord knows, i've tried my best. you said it's not my best. i came up out my flesh. some things i must confess (ayy, ayy) (and i'm trippin' and fallin') spoke my truth, paid my debt (ayy, ayy). can't you see i'ma wreck? (ayy, ayy). let me loose, i digress (ayy, ayy). this is me and i'm blessed (ayy, ayy). this is me and i'm blessed (ayy, ayy). this is me and i'm blessed (ayy, ayy). this is me and i'm blessed (ayy, ayy). anybody fightin' through the stress? (ayy, ayy). anybody fightin' through the?"
• 10/07/2024 ➣ it's your 18th birthday. the people are texting and your mother was calling. your dad must be getting old cause he kinda forgot but it's fine cause you got all of that love and this you and you are blessed. "all my life, been hustling. and tonight is my appraisal. 'cause i'm a hooker sellin' songs. and my pimp's a record label. this world is full off demons. stocks and bonds and bible traders. so i do the deed, get up and leave. a climber and a sadist, yeah. are you ready for the sequel? ain't you ready for the latest? in the garden of evil. i'm gonna be the greatest in a golden cathedral. i'll be praying for the faithless. and if you lose, boo-hoo. hey look ma, i made it. hey look ma, i made it. everything's comin' up aces, aces. if it's a dream, don't wake me, don't wake me. i said hey look ma, i made it. friends are happy for me. or they're honey-suckle phonies. then they celebrate my medals. or they wanna take my trophies. some are loyal soldiers. while these other thorns are rosy. and if you never know who you can trust. then trust me you'll be lonely, oh. are you ready for the sequel? ain't you ready for the latest? in the garden of evil. i'm gonna be the greatest. in a golden cathedral. i'll be praying for the faithless. and if you lose, boo-hoo. hey look ma, i made it. hey look ma, i made it. everything's comin' up aces, aces. if it's a dream, don't wake me, don't wake me. i said hey look ma, i made it, i made it. i said hey look ma, i made it, i made it. i see it, i want it, i take it, take it. if it's a dream, don't wake me, don't wake me. i said hey look ma, i made it. (mama best believe it, mama best believe it) (hey look ma, i made it). (think i must be dreamin', wide awake and dreamin') (hey look ma, i made it). (mama best believe it, mama best believe it) (hey look ma, i made it). (think i must be dreamin'). hey look ma, i made it." you woke up to be rushed to school. you get tons of bday messages, some from the elementary og's, some from the middle school squad, some from your high school gang, some from family and others from colleges. it was a bunch of running up and down and a bunch of teasing since people wanna make pdf file jokes but it was all cool in the end. what wasn't cool was the big storm coming. however, you chilled at home getting more messages, fanart, posts, and some nice tacos and mac and cheese. you talked with friends until the day ended.
• 10/08/2024 ➣ one friend you did talk with past midnight was dtb girl. what's poetic about the talk was that she was a friend you made on your birthday. you told her your situation with brownie and how annoying it was while she told you the situation with your ex. while it is comforting to know her true feelings about it, it breaks you to know that what you feared did happened. of course, it could've been worse but people live and people learn. then you head to bed. you played some fortnite and headed over to walmart to buy some stuff for the experiment that you had. after you got home, your mother used this blender bullet she just bought and accidentally filled her solution of vinegar and eggshells passed the maximum. it led to practically an explosion of eggshells and vinegar right to your face that dirtied the entire room, everyone was safe but wow was that an event. you played fortnite for the rest of the day.
• 10/09/2024 ➣ you played some fortnite and got real lucky in your gacha pulls, you got two xilonens in one ten pull by winning a 50/50. you also got preparing for battle atsushi, so even though you wasted your entire stock of currency. you talked about yonathan having a girlfriend and played more fortnite. you did worry about your essay and other stuff going on. but the best part is that you will be getting a new iphone 16 pro for your birthday which is just pretty cool. you just have fun but still worry about all the tasks that are to come. you've been directly admitted into your first school with a scholarship fo 25k-30k, pretty good stuff kelan. only issue is that you're probably not gonna go.
• 10/10/2024 ➣ you woke up to play more fortnite and get a haircut. however, now it is time to lock back in and stop taking a break. you finish up a math midterm while also getting some other work in as well.
• 10/11/2024 ➣ you wake up to your friend feeling guilty about not doing much for solar car. you go to school after some hurricane days, spent the entire day cutting out gears and getting wet in the pooring rain. your friends made fun of you for eating up a banana and unfortunately your eyes accidentally did roll back trying to eat it. you caught up with a friend and asked her about homecoming. you also talk about some devious activity within the school. half your solar car team got in their research.
• 10/12/2024 ➣ your day starts with a trip to crockett where you talk about your future career and plans with other students. then you got home and did some work and play a bunch of fortnite. you see some students and their homecoming fits and
• 10/13/2024 ➣ you went to church and dealt with some annoying people. you came back home and worked on chemistry and calculus without trying to get overwhelmed. afterwards you played some fortnite talked with a friend about whatever dudes talk about it. thick of it by ksi is stupid catchy and stupid.
• 10/14/2024 ➣ you woke up to start writing some college essays and do some calculus. you fix up your essays and finished a lot of calculus. you also got your physics teacher back on board with solar car challenge so everything is going quite well. got a lot of work done and just prepared for the upcoming week, you got lucky that ucf pushed back some essays.
• 10/15/2024 ➣ you did some more decorations while also preparing harvest drive and got a new group chat going. you got some more calculus and other work done while working on some essays and running around. you luckily got to go home and sleep only for some stupid problems in the house, arguments are very stupid. you bought some set it off merch and finished your smore project.
• 10/16/2024 ➣ you spent practically the entire day in the engineering room getting ready to decorate the hallway with pink gears. you talked with friends about colleges and worked and just some more. you also realized that high school relationships are pretty stupid but go on kids do your thing. you then did an ap calculus test as well as a meeting to prepare for the atlanta trip. played some fortnite and found out that liam payne died and tyler the creator dropped a banger. "chromakopia, chromakopia, chromakopia, chromakopia (ooh). chromako–. calm down, sit still, that's one mill' for each wheel. top ten, big deal, how the fuck he do that? what the fuck i look like? get the fuck up out him way. hawthorne is where i'm from, 'nother planet where him stay. fifteen, cash for that new ford, i had guap since nineteen. i popped out like a cha-ching, i think i'm a goddamn fiend. really ballin' in this bitch, i'm the hottest in this bitch. give a fuck about no bark, i'm chasing dogs up in this bitch. el segundo felt like colosseum. p said i could do it too and, boy, did i believe him. i built a path to freedom 'cause them words that he said. "give a fuck about traditions, stop impressin' the dead," ah. i'm gon' make it out, promise, i'm gon' make it out. mama, i'm gon' make it out, pussy, i'm gon' make it out. i ain't never had a doubt inside me. and if i ever told you that i did, i'm fuckin' lyin', can you feel the light? can you feel the light inside? (that fire). can you feel that fire? (can you feel it?) fire (fire), fire, fire (oh). woo, yeah, it's chromakopia, chromakopia."
• 10/17/2024 ➣ you spend a lot of time decorating two hallways, one for engineering and another one for paint ely pink. you talked to your ap english teacher about your personal statement and he shared some critcisms you agreed with and others you found quite insightful. afterwords, you finally got things situated with your missing credits. you then had to deal with a lot of annoying stuff with lack of participation and more hallway decorating but it felt better when you got noticed by a stranger at the nhs meeting. tyler dropping at album on oct 28th, things going crazy. now you got a ton of assignments to finish by 11:59, let's see if you can make it.
• 10/18/2024 ➣ you go to school again and get jumped by the freshman trio of dtb girl and curls girl in the middle of the morning. you got a new sat score which gets you a scholarship but is nowhere near the top scores needed for the top schools, maybe you should just give up on it at this point. you talk to friends about scores while decorating hallways pink and talking about college and future visits with others. you walk around during a tailgate and got hit in the head with a ball but ate some really good food thanks to your friend stacy for giving you leftovers. you played pokerogue since you were kinda disappointed with your sat score until it was time to call with friends.
• 10/19/2024 ➣ you talked with friends about random stuff and watched avengers age of ultron with them. you spent a lot of time working on college applications and debating on if you should continue doing sat prep. you woke up to do some career search and some resume fixing, you should start doing a lil job/internship hunting after college admissions. you got really tired after reviewing someone's college essay and woke up to play some fortnite and watch antman.
• 10/20/2024 ➣ after some denpa men and bungo tales farming, you went to a lot of calculus and chemistry work for the day. you were listening to music on the jbl speaker all day, from set it off, kendrick lamar, tyler the creator, ariana grande, and ajr. it seems like fortnite is not gonna be a fun experience anymore. "look, they be bringin' us up. (you started with a mere hello). yeah, like now and again. give a fuck what they talkin' 'bout, i see you as a 10. i'ma leave it at that, i'ma leave us as friends. 'cause the irony is i don't wanna see you again. stay the fuck away from me. stay the fuck away from me. stay the fuck away from me. i ain't gon' repeat myself, but stay the fuck away from me." time for a chemistry exam. you finished it, now go to sleep loser.
• 10/21/2024 ➣ after being so exhausted over a chem exam you go to school and get a lot of stuff done. you then realize you gotta go to an afterschool nova event to represent for your school. however it was very frustrating after working all day carrying boxes and then doing more and more and more without any help. even your mom said "__all they do is cost you more and more and more and you need to tell them no."__ you finished the event and kinda got lost at nsu. you went home tired and couldn't finish your ucf application.
• 10/22/2024 ➣ you got to school and now you try to finish up your first college application. you work on some assignments and some essays, then have a harvest drive meeting. afterwards you spent two hours carrying cardboard boxes around the school until all of them were placed down. then you proceeded to get more work done and go to a scholarship afterschool meeting. you helped some friends out get accepted to ucf and submitted your own first college application. now you got 24 more to go.
• 10/23/2024 ➣ you got to school and watched many kids go on their field trip. time for you to stay put and do what you gotta do. the substitute teacher first tried to convince you to go to morehouse, which maybe, you don't like the idea of going to a sasaugefest. then afterwards you met up with your old boss as they gave a presentation to more students for the program and laughed. you even talked about the old group of friends and the changes to one of your friends. you then cleaned up a dusty musty room, dealt with a fire drill, and waited for your friends to come back from their trip. you go home and sleep and sleep. then more family arguments and talk about divorce. you can't stand this shit. should you go back to the halloween festival, you know what happened the last time you were there.
• 10/24/2024 ➣ stayed up late to talk to friends. then woke up to play denpa men, genshin, and fortnite. now rushing to complete a calculus test, chemistry experiment, and chem midterm. it was fun messing with different pH colors using red cabbage as the indicator. the test was alright and you just went to sleep for a pink filled adventure tommorrow.
• 10/25/2024 ➣ you put your breast cancer shirt with light blue jeans and a pink construction hat and head off to represent breast cancer. you guys took some more pictures and decorated some more. afterwards you talked with a friend about technology, super smart kids at other schools, and other things that make you feel like shit while playing pokerogue. then you got some dunkin donuts giftcards and lemonade while talking to the same girl that kinda haunted you for months in the romantic rendezvous. she was quite nice, and you should let some malice go away. after that you talked to freshmen about how you are a hard working student who is top of the class. then you went home, did some work, and went to go watch avengers civil war with friends while playing a farming merge game.
• 10/26/2024 ➣ tyler just had to drop another one before the album dropped. "you ain't like that shit? i's do it again (mm, uh). five in the morning, i be hatin' on shit (mm, uh). ten in the evening, i be hatin' on shit (mm, uh). ten years later, mighta changed my mind (mm, uh). i'm a fake-ass bitch, don't kill me (mm, uh). i'm a hypocrite, ain't real, ain't really. i'm a big troll, haha, i'm silly (i'm silly). fuck you know about being better than them n*ggas that you hate? you ain't good at shit, you can't feel me. talk your one-trick goat, i'm billy (mm, uh). shoutout papa, he for real (mm, yeah, uh). don't test v, he pop for real (mm, uh). had to call him like, "stop and chill" (mm, uh, ah), look. i tries to be out the way (yeah). i like the farm with the lake (yeah), i like some truth in my space (yeah). y'all n*ggas friendly and fake (yeah). "that's big bro," how? when y'all met yesterday? (yeah). this feel planet of the apes (yeah)why am i filled with this hate? got freedom in every way y'all wanna take what i got, but y'all do not got what it take. i don't wanna be found, ya' ho (yeah, yeah). i don't wanna be down, ya ho (yeah, yeah). i don't like comin' around, ya ho (yeah, yeah). i will not "knock-knock" at your door (yeah). just me, that's what i said (ayy, ayy). trav', these n*ggas is fed' (ayy, ayy). me, i'm overhead (ayy, ayy). these n*ggas thought i was dead." you worked on sociology throughout the entire day and kept it pushing with art appreciation. you then got on a call, submitted applications to four of your schools, making it 5 out of 25. let's keep it pushing.

✧ PRELUDE TO A WEEK OF ACADEMIC HELL AND THE TRIP OUT OF STATE:

• 10/27/2024 ➣ you stayed up with friends watching black widow and mocking your friend for having to deal with an upcoming baby. after doing some chemistry, calculus, sociology, and art appreciation classes, you apply to two more colleges, making the total count 8 out of 25. you work on a scholarship while playing the stupid animal farm merge game on discord. you finished a test and a scholarship.
• 10/28/2024 ➣ time to listen to the banger that is known as chromokopia!!!!!! tyler knows what he is talking about being the commute to school. some bangers that should be mentioned are st. chroma, rah tah tah, darling i, noid, thought i was dead, take your mask off, sticky, balloon, i hope you find your way home. the others are good they just are not hitting right now. but as you do some work for assignments and scholarships, you get some college applications in as well. then you prepare the green shirts for the interview on thursday. you get some more work done while you laugh with friends. one tells you that they don't ever see you getting married, kind of crazy. you finished you ap calc dba and got some supplies for wednesday. "it's gettin' sticky, sticky, sticky (ooh). bitch, it's gettin' sticky, sticky, sticky. bro, it's gettin' sticky, sticky, sticky. bitch, it's gettin' sticky, sticky, sticky."
• 10/29/2024 ➣ you got barely any sleep but you had to keep on working on assignments. you had harvest drive meetings, more assignments, and more essays to write but you were extremely tired after your engineering club meeting. however, you do not like that people just become really stupid when they get into relationships, just, so stupid. "twenty thousand on it (vroom), hunnid thousand on it (uh). fifty thousand on it (mm-hmm), a couple thousand on it (yeah). you're movin' sloppy if you get that sloppy where you sleep at. never tell them niggas or those women where you breathe at. if my exes spillin' tea about me, don't you drink that. and don't you call me brother, i just met you, you can keep that. with these type of views, it ain't no service on my two-way. so you don't have to call, i'm usher raymond on the tuesday. with twenty thousand on it (mm), hunnid thousand on it (uh). fifty thousand on it (mm-hmm), a couple thousand on it. brodie set a job, if you performin', he the camera man. they hoes went to leuzinger, i skated to hamilton. i had that s domes gettin' pressed and almost packed out (where you from?). me and lionel boyce in drama class, my boy can act now (mm). was really odd future, all them other niggas whacked out. the biggest out the city after kenny, that's a fact now."
• 10/30/2024 ➣ "aw, you look malnourished (malnourished). let's get some bread, fry it in egg yolk and drown it in syrup (drown it in syrup). you pick a spot, i pick a tail number and we could be tourists (ooh, yeah). let's go to cannes and watch a couple indie movies that you never heard of (baby). listen to bands, groove and we dance." you work til 4am to get essays done for purdue and other scholarships. then you wake up knowing you have precalc, chemistry, sociology, art appreciation, and more stuff to finish in time.
• 10/31/2024 ➣ you wake up tired and exhausted but what's new. you got a lot of test to finish up but you also got an interview to complete. you carry some cans for harvest drive, go over the suspension of the vehicle, and you continue to prepare for the interview. only to find out that it got cancelled. you go to a meeting to look at class rings and go to another meeting to talk about harvest drive to a bunch of 11th graders. you and your friend, both dressed in green polos with black slacks and black jackets (he has a trench coat) talk about people that don't like you guys and more about college. you stop by your gifted advisor to update her about college and she believes you're incredibly tired and discouraged about college admissions. she says you and him are now in a movie to see what happens in college admissions and what happens in your futures. you walk away with some talk about ai, stocks, crypto, and more random stuff. only to be encountered by dtb girl talking about how you swallowed a banana whole. you then went home, and did some essays, some assignments, and a lot of math studying only to take a math test without a whiteboard, what bullshit. but that's all over, and let's celebrate ten years of set it off's duality.

✧ MONTH CLOSURE:

• even though you're 18, this feels like endless doubt. you’re constantly pushing forward despite exhaustion and uncertainty. music, friendships, and fleeting moments of joy give you brief reprieves, but you’re largely propelled by sheer determination to keep up with your ambitious goals. at least you're a celebirty in your county, but the expectations are high—whether they’re from you, your school, or your family—and while it takes a toll, you’re committed to persevering. this intense balance between hope, frustration, and determination reflects a person who’s deeply driven but also grappling with the pressure of everything they’re striving toward. chromokopia is going crazy as always and you'll use it to get you through the next month. there’s a need for reprieve, but there’s also strength in the fact that you keep moving, even when the journey feels overwhelming.