personal stuff wahahah look away if you're uncomfortable learning about this stuff / don't want to know .. just putting it here as a reminder for myself and how i'm doing so far

• yearly check:
  • 2018: tough half a year but it was alright
  • 2019: first time going to a psychiatrist and getting diagnosed with audhd, severe depression, and social anxiety. was hopeful that i'd go through multiple sessions and heal but my parents hate me lol
  • 2020: terrible year overall and was suicidal with multiple attempts to take my own life
  • 2021: absolute dogshit terrible year
  • 2022: very bad half a year that was quickly turned around by madelainne and yan my beloved
  • 2023: very. very. terrible year. lost the most important person in my life alongside yan. very lost and miserable, suicidal but resorted to just hurting myself instead of making an attempt at my own life
  • 2024: still not recovered from everything that happened last year, so far slowly getting better with regulating my emotions and talking to people once more without clinging on my fear of losing them
• what i have:
  • clinical depression / major depressive disorder
  • general anxiety (used to have severe social anxiety ; got better over time)
  • personality disorders
    • borderline
    • dependent
    • passive-aggressive / negativistic
    • schizotypal
  • autism spectrum disorder
  • attention deficit hyperactivity disorder
  • fuck you !!!

as of aug 2024 : debating whether or not i should go to a psychiatrist or therapist once more 🤔 still not on meds as well but i've been doing quite okay despite some lapses here and there. for now i might just schedule a single session next month and see how things will be and if i'll make this long term once more

as of oct 2024 : worst start to the month and its been like this ever since !!!!! thinking about killing myself again if only i dont owe stuff to others hehe

as of jan 2025 : the rest of 2024 wasnt that bad - now that i think about it, college was the only thing that truly fucked me over and made me feel like absolutes shit about everything else. glad thats over though and i passed !! didnt really feel as terrible when i spent xmas and new years again without mads and yan, i still mourned and i felt like crap but it was much better than how i handled it last year. hopefully itll be like this during following occasions.