personal stuff wahahah look away if you're uncomfortable learning about this stuff / don't want to know .. just putting it here as a reminder for myself and how i'm doing so far

• yearly check:
  • 2018: tough half a year but it was alright
  • 2019: first time going to a psychiatrist and getting diagnosed with audhd, severe depression, and social anxiety. was hopeful that i'd go through multiple sessions and heal but my parents hate me lol
  • 2020: terrible year overall and was suicidal with multiple attempts to take my own life
  • 2021: absolute dogshit terrible year
  • 2022: very bad half a year that was quickly turned around by madelainne and yan my beloved
  • 2023: very. very. terrible year. lost the most important person in my life alongside yan. very lost and miserable, suicidal but resorted to just hurting myself instead of making an attempt at my own life
  • 2024: still not recovered from everything that happened last year, so far slowly getting better with regulating my emotions and talking to people once more without clinging on my fear of losing them
• what i have:
  • clinical depression / major depressive disorder
  • general anxiety (used to have severe social anxiety ; got better over time)
  • personality disorders
    • borderline
    • dependent
    • passive-aggressive / negativistic
    • schizotypal
  • autism spectrum disorder
  • attention deficit hyperactivity disorder
  • fuck you !!!

as of jan 2025 : the rest of 2024 wasnt that bad - now that i think about it, college was the only thing that truly fucked me over and made me feel like absolutes shit about everything else. glad thats over though and i passed !! didnt really feel as terrible when i spent xmas and new years again without mads and yan, i still mourned and i felt like crap but it was much better than how i handled it last year. hopefully itll be like this during following occasions.

as of feb 2025 : worst month ever aagaghaha kept crashing out and disassociating and its only worse as march started genuinely fuck k for ruining my mental health and belittling my grief

as of march 2025 : this month went by SOOO quick its so hard to epe track of everything .. things were kind of mid until mid-late that everything went downhill ; from my money being stolen to my worst crashout ever and crying for the first time in like. half a year or so. sad