• 7/30/21 - I had no one to share this with in depth so I'll be putting it here. I had a feeling that this was going to happen, that things are going to go back to just being me alone with my hobbies. Well, it's not so bad after all. I guess it made me realize a lot of things. First is that I suck when it comes to communicating, I'm used to being alone so much that I fine not talking to anyone unless they reach out to me. Usually I'm occupied playing games, that I'd just play without sharing things. Sometimes I hesitate sharing things because I find them irrelevant or I would forget them, but when I do share when it's a bit hard for me since I can't find the right words. Sometimes I think a certain word doesn't mean that much, but to others it does, so I have to walk around eggshells to find the right words.
  • 8/25/2021 - I sold my Switch that has been sitting in my room for around 4 months now. I'm getting my own PC soon. I'm finally establishing my ground. Everything is going well, I have a decent job but something is missing. The fact that I don't know what's missing drains me and stings. I've been having a hard time sleeping and I've been chewing on my cheeks again. I can sense my Mom getting worried about me because I rarely go out of my room, but there's no reason to go outside. I just want to exist quietly.
  • 9/13/2021 - I'm slowly coming to terms with the recent changes that I've been going through since I came back to Cavite. It was hard at first but it no longer stings anymore. Just deep sighs I guess. It's not because I've become numb to everything, but it's just that I've come to terms that some things are meant to be that way and that I have my shortcomings too. The problem I currently face is being in in limbo when it comes to my life. I feel like I've been stagnant and I need to try something new. I guess I've been doing better and I want to move on from what I've been doing before.
  • 10/20/2021 - I've resigned from my job. I just felt like I needed a reset to wipe the slate clean from what has been happening June. I think I was letting go of the great opportunity I had with my previous company, but I was just having a hard time focusing. I always had this though that I desperately need a reset. I also couldn't connect properly with the clients since my lifestyle is different from theirs. Hence, the decision to leave the company. Now that I've got the reset I've wanted, time to work on myself again. Back to square one.
  • 11/20/2021 - It's been a month since I've resigned. I've been unemployed for 1 month now. Finding a new job that is better or on par with my previous job is hard but expected. It's better rather than staying with something I'm not happy with. I was offered to be a financial adviser, and the recruiter turned out to be my mom's friend. The situation made me recognize how meticulous my life is right now. I only reach out to people when I want or need to, and if I don't talk to them anymore or weren't really my friend in the first place, I cut them off. Sometimes I think about not being how I am, and just letting it all be. Yet I figured that wouldn't really be me and I'd revert to this version of me eventually. Not having a job made me more observant about myself, sometimes to a fault. Lastly, not having anyone to talk to at the dead of night can really drive one crazy.
jul 30 2021 ∞
nov 19 2021 +