1 january

starting the month with a huge heartache - realising how much the harry potter series is important to me - trying to unterstand myself and accept my feelings more - some days are better and worse than others - sadness - ugh - i hate anxiety - really trying my best but sometimes is exhausting - i want to change and to be more fair with everyone and myself - everything is gonna be okay - i feel soooo dumb dumb sometimes lol - working out (trying to do every day) - anxiety strikes again - ok i'm fine lol i'm a bad bitch you can't kill me - feeling anxious but that's okay, it'll pass - i have to stop being such a weak ass bitch tho - ugh - can i be in peace for like one second i'm so tired - wow i love one direction - everything's good - trying to be positive and more outgoing - reading fanfics - going to travel with my family wednesday - i'm hating my body lately but i'm trying to not freak out about it - i was supposed to be happy but i'm really sad and stressed - idk what the hell to do i don't wanna hurt anyone anymore i need so much to be patient - i miss home i miss my dog even my annoying brother i'm just so sad wtf? - i hate myself so much - i don't wanna be bad anymore - why everything has to be so difficult - trying - going to the beach at 00:00 - i'm too scared for those things tbh, just not used to it i get a little anxious but it was alright - everyone in my family is just crazy - thinking a lot, realizing things lol - i know i'm a bitch sometimes and i think a lot about what people says about me and lol i can imagine all the shit tbh - everything is exhausting - hate those thoughts - just want to don't care keep trying and feel okay again - i know i overthink too much it makes me so sad - i souldn't care but some things don't vanish like this - just wanna learn with the pain lol - only one more day to come back home - wish i could stop imagining what he says about me - pain all over my body - some days i just really want to die - i miss home so much - there's up and downs and there's drops - ok so tomorrow i'll be home - hoping for more good days.

2 february

coming back home - feeling relieved - my classes starts monday already - focus on myself and learn to be patient can be very difficult but i'm trying very hard! - want to be happy for others and stop feeling guilty once for all for things i can't control - wow tired of feeling sick?? - coming back to college - i miss singing and playing piano - feeling insecure about a lot of things - music from my childhood - why there's so many shit happening what the fuck - sadness - sending you all the love - new glasses finally!! - ugh idk - dancing barefoot - i don't know if i'll ever stop feeling guilty - writing! - turns out i can be very good at poetry... - sweatshirt and panties is my new #aesthetic - necklaces too - trying to play guitar again - i'm so lazy kskdjskd - seeing things that i really really don't want to see - breaking news: i'm a human and i have feelings - crying bc of the good place - cutting my bangs! again! yee! - i'm fine! - my heart is a fucking crazy bitch - seeing a lot of butterflies while listening to butterfly - talking to a lot of people lol - parties are definitely not my thing - getting drunk with my friends - laughing a lot - now i feel very sick - doing some dumb shit - i just want to feel good and comfortable with myself - i hate hospitals - i'm gonna DIE - i hate eating disorders so fucking much - not feeling very well - i love the rain - well, knowing many things that i did not know - thinking a lot idk?? - everythings gonna be alright!!

3 march

hello march you little bitch - i'm sick - ok i'm feeling a little better now!! - i'm great - gotta take care of my body - rain - things take time and i got this - i'm such a dramatic bitch - i'm so bitter - it's okay so feel sad sometimes - music always makes me feel better - apparently it's gonna be a rainy month - that's good - i know i've changed but i want to change even more - for my own good - why is my health so shitty lately - i wish i could do anything less than think - so tired of being sick - finally doing the medical exams i needed to do - it's okay missing people that you care about - i've been depressed and noticed this yesterday but i'm trying my best to get out of this now - slept well last night - relieved and a little sad but it happens - i'm STRESSED OUT TODAY - feeling lazy and mad and sensitive - i turn into the devil on my period - i'm so so so anxious ksjdksj - just CHILL WTF - nothing happens and i'm kskdksdjskjaksk - shut the FUCK UP - ok good morning - ok i'm better hehe - annoyed - i need to wake the fuck up - tired of having anxiety attacks - feeling nervous bc COLLEGE - i need to study more - but i'm fine - i really want louis and his family to be happy :( - going out with sofia! - eating good food - cinema - captain marvel is amazing ugh god is indeed a woman - feeling fine but stressed out bc college - i need to read more - trying to improve my singing and take care of my throat - ok so i'm going to wake the fuck up stay tuned

4 april

i already have my endgame tickets! let's get it :p - i wanna cut my hair again... - i did it. i have short hair again - i love the rain - dancing!! learning the "solo" coreo - college is stressing me out so so much - tired of waiting for my period - i'm so mad - i fucking hate everyone in college - i'm so so so so tired - i'm very far away this month - i need to take care of myself more - i'm tired - TIRED AGAIN CAN I LIVE - bought some clothes at least... - ENDGAME TODAY DKJHFJDKFJD - i'm so nervous - i love marvel so much lol... - i'm shocked and sad but i love marvel - i cried so much wtf - tired again - college is really fucking me up - eating a lot of candy lol i'm the worst - at least i'm not hating myself so much like before

5 may

lol... starting the month with anxiety attacks and crying a lot - but i'm fine now - cleaning my room - trying to take care of myself more - good grades makes me happy lol - rereading "chamber of secrets" - i have to stop procrastinating - and understand that i have my limits - what am i doing honestly i don't fucking know - having a hard time to read - i'm trying to exercise every day - ughhh - waiting for the winter to come - i'm sick :( - and anxious - and like.. doing nothing - lol - a little anxious but fine! - still sick - tired - i want a job - feeling like shit - i hate feeling stupid - idk why i'm feeling so bad lately - i'm so anxious - sick of being sick but finally starting to feel better - finishing rereading "chamber of secrets" - i love the sky so much - the moon and the stars and the clouds - i love the sun too - can i be more gay than this - i need to study more... - i love love love knowing and learning things but i'm a lazy ass bitch - so fucking stressed - 2605 was for sure one of the most stressful days of my life = but i'm proud of myself - cleaning and organizing my room - i got so so so fucking sick lol

6 june

very much sick - i hate this so much - sad - feeling like i'm not good enough - still sick - i just wanna get better SO MUCH - tired - feeling better!!!!!!!! - SO HAPPY I WAS SO FUCKING SICK AND SCARED WTF - i want to sing moreeeee - watching 3%'s third season in one day - listening to old music always makes me feel funny and emotional - i want to die so muchkdkfjdk - tired of everything - tired of what my life has become - ok i'm fine - we're gonna be alright - music makes me so happy - i love movies so much - i like crying watching movies lol - honestly what the fuck - go out a bit - it was alright - i'm getting better - watched movies, ate a lot and had some drinks - reading call me by your name - went to swim!!! - i wanna take care of myself more - i think i'm getting better at this tho - everyday is a little test for me at the moment - but we'll be fine - finishing the book - bought stranger things and harry potter t-shirts

7 july

it's stranger things 3 month!! - painting my nails - menstrual cramps - watching shazam! - i fucking love stranger things - i looooooove eleven - made me so happy yet so sad - i'm losing my mind a bit - i'm so fucked up - i hate depression so much lol - starting to feel better (i hope) - ..i was wrong - movies and popcorn - feeling better - rewatching stranger things all over again - singing - i wanna starting writing songs - i need to love myself more, i know i don't deserve what i do with myself - settling down a bit - i hope it lats - yesterday (19/07) i had such a good conversation with my father - felt better and hopeful - i know i'm gonna have more up and downs but i can handle this - barbecue on my older brother's house - it was nice and cold - my dog went!! dkjfkdfj - UGH - my skin told me to fuck off and die - already had 6 mental breakdowns bc of this shit - i hate having depression, anxiety and eating disorder so much lol - i've been worse but it still sucks lol obviously - reading IT and watching movies - vacations is about to end - trying to eat more healthy

8 august

tired - college is ...going - i need to calm down as always lmao - watching movies and reading - trying to lose weight.. healthy lol - going crazy because of my eating disorder lol - same old shit - hmm so kdfjdk still kinda paranoic with food and my body - anxious when i think about college - and the future - and everything - i always freak the fuck out when my birthday is close - still reading "it" - i need to stop cutting my bangs myself - i love queer eye so much - i got sick again :( - depression

9 september

it's september! - started taking medicine for my depression and anxiety - 06/09!! i'm 19 and i'm on fire - feeling kinda funny ?? idk - I HAVE A KINDLE NOW!! - finally finished reading "it" - my self esteem is like... not very good - but yesterday i went out with fran, sofia and pedro and we basically just walked on the mall but i had fun!! - we ate ice cream, popcorn, talked and laughed a lot - read "ari and dante" in some hours, made me feel comfortable and loved - reading and lovind "carry on" - read more 2 books - "the inexplicable logic of my life" and "radio silence" - started singing classes! - been watching "skam" and "shameless" - been going a little bit crazy

10 october

what the fuck... - i need to stop taking so many drugs - i'm so tired of college ugh - i need to sing more - i love my friends - studying can be fun sometimes - sleepover at sofia's house - feeling fine - 14/10 may Sulli rest in peace. you did well. - i need to stop being so hard on myself - went to a cafe with my friend - i guess i don't really like japanese food... - i love pasta... - i feel weird and tired - still tired - can't control my mind - college is eating my ass - crying a lot on halloween lol

11 november

okay - tired - anxious - went out to take pictures with my friend - i'm kinda sad - idk why is so hard for me letting things go - i'm impatient - i fucked up! lol! - cutted my hair very sort - i'm so tired - finished reading "wayward son" - why am i so tired all the time seriously??? - fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck - my skin decided to go crazy go stupid - it's so hard to love myself sometimes - wrote a song - i'm losing my fucking mind - i almost don't sleep anymore lol - i'm so tired... literally - 28/11 mamas bday!! - tired tired tired - i need to do 1000000 medical exams - i'm sick lol - wow i kinda... missed bts

12 december

that time of the year...lol - i'm so tired of college - read a book! red, white and royal blue... it was good! made me get into the history -

jan 4 2019 ∞
dec 5 2019 +