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: 09. 02. 20 // a handwriting analysis

today i sent in a picture of my handwriting for an analysis. this was the results .

the results make me uncomfortable with how real they are.

: 18.01.20 // flirting

flirting with girls to forget you. that's what i'm doing. flirting with girls that i have no interest in. to forget you. why is always the girls who don't like me the ones i like?

you have a boyfriend, you have a guy. i want to forget you to badly. i want you out of my life. i wrapped my arms around a girl who i don't like, to forget you. it's not good, i can't keep playing with these girls feelings to forget you.

: 09.01.20 // more stress

racism + homophobia at school, homophobia at home. i hate this combination, i feel like i have no one there for me, like there's no one willing to support me.

i have friends, but all we do is get high and ignore reality. i don't even feel that close to them, most things i wouldn't tell them (just like they wouldn't tell me). we keep everything so light, everything's a joke. i don't know how to explain it, i'm not 'physically' alone, but i still feel alone.

: 08.01.20 // non-violence and Malcom x

isn't it weird for me to hate violent conflict but love malcom x? but i believe that him doing what he did, while martin luther king doing what he did helped out greatly.

malcom x showed that 'if you hit me, i'll hit you back. he will not allow you to do this, we are not weak'. and martin luther king showed that 'we are african americans, we are black. we are human, we are not 'apes', we are not animals. we know how to be civilized, we will not use violence. the one who doesn't know how to be civilized is you (the white man)'

: 07.01.20 // stress

i'm so tired of all the people, racist, homophobic, just hateful people in general. i don't want to be alone, but these aren't the type of people i want to surround myself with. i got high in the bathroom stall and almost cried. today wasn't the best day, but things do get better.

no matter how i am feeling, hope is always important, because anything is possible. i just need to keep putting in the effort to become something great. at the moment, my grades are fine (86 and above) and i have enough time to bring them up by the end of the marking period so that's cool

my parents are also mad at me, but what can i do? they don't want to communicate, they don't want to hear me. so all i could do is accept it and move on.

jan 7 2020 ∞
feb 10 2020 +
user picture Venus: I'm seriously so glad I found your Listography! Your lists are really amazing and insightful in a way that most aren't. jan 18 2020
user picture francine: Woah, thanks. & your lists are amazing + insightful too ! they're a real inspiration. jan 19 2020