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    • those are my 2021 monthly thoughts and will be written in english or portuguese
    • dont read it if you are easily triggered by negative thoughts tho

janeiro

  • overwhelmed but at the same time excited for this year?? (im only thinking about my art projects)
  • i even finished an illustration for my college 3 days before the deadline. kinda proud of myself
  • hope this year my thoughts are clean !! i want to be a friend to myself
  • feelings STOP blooming!!! im just a repressed girl who doesnt know how to deal with it and doesnt want to
  • preciso ver os cursos que tem no sebrae x
  • my painting professor praised my last illustration ♡ i didnt expected this to happen because i just nervously wanted to clear up some art doubts
  • pokemon lets go pikachu
  • memories dont feel real
  • i want to quit making traditional painting. SO QUE ISSO VAI ME DAR MUITO TRABALHO PQ VOU precisar FALAR com os professores cabeça dura
  • i quitted making tradicional painting
  • its just me and the realisation that no one will ever love me
  • feeling overwhelmed and anxious af
  • :(
  • meu labio ta todo machucado e os cantinhos das unhas tao em carne viva. Nice
  • o que ta atormentando minha cabeça eh quase inviável? eu nao quero prejudicar uma coisa que me faz bem e de quebra arrastar gente que nem tem nada a ver com isso etc
  • queria que tudo isso sumisse de vez daqui de dentro
  • the uncanny counter!!

fevereiro

  • sweet home!!
  • acho que eu melhorei Muito meu lance da timidez
  • meu prof de pintura gostou demais do meu primeiro trabalho da disciplina to Orgulhosa
  • i may be ugly but im free
  • its okay to not be okay!! ko moon young!!
  • stop lying. stop acting like someone that youre not.
  • kinda afraid about the bond i created between us. and everything else.
  • o jeito que eu nunca vou me permitir sentir diversao fora do meu quarto is killing me
  • ataque de panico 19/02 :(
  • primeira vez que assisti uma conversa da eba sobre ilustraçao e animaçao!! foi remoto tho mas bem legal
  • to me ocupando tanto com coisas que preciso fazer que nem to tendo tempo de pensar em mim mesma (graças a deus)
  • i need to learn that some things are not my responsibility
  • wonder egg priority
  • horimiya

março

  • restaurei meu pc
  • sk8!! renga!!..
  • """de ferias"""
  • i think i like my personality the way it is. and i will stop being into mbti shit because somehow i rely on it as how i see my true self
  • its just me and my gay thoughts
  • tirei 10 em todas as disciplinas que puxei no 2020.1 ♡
  • "she cried because shes so confused" intensified
  • botei piercing na sobrancelha 12/03
  • why am i feeling jealousy towards something that isnt even mine?

abril-julho

  • parei de escrever aqui nesse periodo
  • pelo visto nao percebi o tempo passar [im fine]
  • genshin impact gacha hell
  • hannibal s01 e s02
  • ataques de panico. e nada de procurar ajuda. que eu morra
  • fora me sentir a pessoa mais feia que existe nao lembro de mais nada

agosto

  • vacinada com primeira dose
  • uhh guess its time for my burnout debut
  • feelings cameback flourishing in my heart and this get me flustered every time
  • this situation is annoying. holding back is annoying.
  • my thoughts are getting mixed and this is making me sick. now even the usual things that i used to do seem hard. i want to put away all the people in my life and at the same time im craving comfort from anyone who's up to
  • wish i could apologize me for being like this
  • im feeling fragile af to be honest :-)
  • kinda obsessed with some things and i dont really care i will heal in hell
  • preciso puxar extensao mas se eu fizer isso agr eh capaz de eu virar po entao vou deixar p futuro e eu que me vire
  • hannibal season 3!!
  • feeling super tired lately and im not even close to my regular limit from the past. even my vision is making me overloaded

setembro

  • loneliness
  • stuck in a loop that i cry my eyes out before sleeping and literally feel physical pain because of the explosion of negative emotions and then i wake up pretending that nothing happened
  • cant help being the worst
  • tomoyo i got you when you said "some feelings are best left in the heart"
  • its embarrassing to reveal myself to others. fine arts school has been the worse challenge ive ever experienced
  • i cant deal w my thoughts so i started not dealing w anything else lol
  • so.. i had a nightmare that i found a person snooping my private drawings and documents~ like i know im afraid to be knowable but can my unconscious leave me alone for a sec i just want to have a peaceful sleep
  • why does my heart feel heavy
  • getting annoyed by any sound (again). i will fuckin kill you if you breathe near me
  • something between me and real life doesnt match
  • the reason for my silent jealousy is the possibility of being left alone. mostly because i know i cant interact with anyone besides the people i already know
  • nevertheless (and controversially) i want to be forgot and disliked so i can k*** myself and nobody will feel something deep or whatever when this finally happens
  • its been a moody september
  • im not brave enough to admit any feeling out loud

outubro

  • squid game!! hehe Dilfs
  • im running out of patience. i cant control the words that come out of my mouth
  • not sorry tho LOL
  • nao sinto amor por nada e ta cada vez mais dificil ver sentido em tudo
  • im just a funny jokester. a silly little guy. youre gonna have beef with a silly little guy? for shame. imagine having beef with me.
  • isnt easy being part of espectro autista
  • storm
  • living a lie hurts so much im being brave about this (not attempting suicide)
  • i cant talk even to the people i trust the most. i know i will be a poison sting to their lives
  • not being able to honestly hug someone is giving me spiritual damage i miss the comfort of this feeling
  • pensando na impossibilidade de alguem um dia gostar de mim e de eu me permitir sentir esse sentimento de volta
jan 1 2021 ∞
oct 19 2021 +