Last month I went to the hospital to my regular doctor's appointment. I sat and shivered as they told my blood sugar levels were higher than ever, and my kidneys were already troubling to function well. I thought I'd be able to make my lies believable, but I guess it was not the case. They found out I was hiding something, but they didn't know what or how bad was it. Truth is I've been going to the hospital since I was nine and it was the natural transition for me to go alone this time but I strongly believe I was not ready. I'm not ready and I guess I'll never be. I can't fight this alone. I can't deal with the fact that because of the whole situation they gave me several blood tests for next month (five months earlier than the usual)and I've been trying to change my habits and put my life together but I just can't. How can I do it whenever I look and see such a giant disgusting muscle hanging from each one of my legs? How can I like my body whenever I'm ten thousand pounds bigger than the average human? Funny how you would do anything to make your outside pretty while what is inside you is getting rotten.