Since the Divorce:

  • I can buy things that are paisley. I love paisley patterns, but the X hated them. Now if I want, I can buy paisley shirts and bed linens. Today at Any Mountain I bought a turquoise and brown paisley purse. X would've puked at it.
  • I can change the channel. I am pretty sure this is a common one for the ladies. I used to relish when the X would go to school, or the store, or sleep.... because I could watch whatever I wanted. I'm not saying I didn't ever want to watch what he was watching, but sometimes.... welll I missed a lot of "I Love the 80's" and that's just sad.
  • I can stop supporting the Tobacco industry. Not buying Copenhagen every other day has freed up my schedule for much else. Like working out! And now when I go to a convenience store, it's for a nacho run!
  • I can breathe. No offense to my hairier, testosterone-filled friends, but I don't miss farts. Or stepping on wet towels. Or watching socks walk off on their own due to being given life by way of foul devil-made stench.
  • I can pay myself. All the money that used to go straight to Gamecrazy Videogame store now goes into a saving account. That means my gaming callouses have all healed... but so have my stomach ulcers!
  • Speaking of money... I can answer the phone when it's my landlord. We used to operate on a no-pay unless it's a final notice budget system. I don't know if that a system so much as desperation and bad/no planning. One thing I can't tell you is what a 24-hour cut-off notice looks like from the power company. I forgot, and with the healing my credit has done, and the sound financial management of my super-hot money analyst... I don't plan to know.
  • I can go bra-less. No fear of the annoying and ubiquitous boob honk.
  • I can watch BET and listen to KMEL without hearing the "Reverse Racism" lecture.
  • I can haz bangs! Which according to some of you may be a bad thing. However, I think bangs are cute.
  • When Andre 3000 says, "Alright now fellas... what's cooler than being cool?" I can answer "Ice cold!!" without being admonished that I am not a "fella."
  • I can inform a gentleman in a bar precisely where the bathrooms are, without fearing for his safety.
  • I can nap on the couch. I was previosuly informed that one can only sleeep in a proper bed. This is sad, because couch napping is one of my favorite pastimes!
  • I can wear clothes that might be considered offbeat or funky and not worry about being called "fashion-tarded."
  • Oh and I can end this by finally announcing that YES, I AM a muthafuggin P-I-M-P. So there. :P
jun 25 2010 ∞
jul 11 2010 +
user picture Amsyy: May I say that your ex was an asshole? jun 25 2010