i started writing this in early december but then put it off because it felt too early. and now it is late december and time roundhouse kicked me down the stairs. anyways. year four zero views zero engagement zero people who care about this little corner of the internet and yet, i persist in screaming into the void: OVERSHARING IS NECESSARY AND NEEDS TO EXIST IN A SPACE IN BETWEEN PUBLIC AND PRIVATE WHERE THE SLIGHTEST SEMBLANCE OF EXTERNAL & INTERNAL VALIDATION CAN BE ACHIEVED.

1. FIC WRITTEN

technically if you add the wordcount across all three fics together it's more than last year. technically. but OH BABY i wrote! three prompt fills for there's only one you fest but it was a blast and i need to be writing more, actually, i need the worms in the brain to start decomposing the thoughts i've got going up there.

lowest of the lowest | nico hischier/luke hughes (hockey rpf) ok this one is fun because 1) i got to pioneer a new pairing! 2) this sent low by sza to the top of my spotify wrapped 2023 which. lmfao. anyways i liked the writing style and i think i've finally hit on something that i can expand more, which...

burning forever and ever | nico hischier/jack hughes (hockey rpf) at one point do i give up and get on the devils wagon. UHHHH anyways identity porn my beloved i love playing around with identity development and character building specifically what if you took away the one thing that defines blorbo. which. i also need to do more.

licking up tables | shane wright/matty beniers (hockey rpf) im re-reading this again wait why was it actually so good. motif i'm trying to stick into writing has been about. changing. for better and for worse but mostly for better and in ways you don't expect. speaking of shane wright it is KILLING me that he is not the league rn with matty i am being depraved!!!! of a good matty beniers ship!!!! that man needs to be WIFED DOWN!!!!

2. LITERATURE READ

the collected works of idday on ao3 there is something about it that makes me go back again and again. i don't know if it's the characters or the dynamic (wailing on my knees that they aren't more popular) but i think it's both. something incredibly human about two people unlike each other and still being in love and that somehow being translated perfectly in words.

what you don't know won't tempt you by steviethenarwhal RULE 63 BRAINROT! INFIDENLITY! oh i was screaming and kicking the floor reading this and it was so GOOD. gave me such a persistent case of r63 brainrot that also led to the development of the women in the nhl bingo board.

voyages by junos ok im cheating here by listing down a fic that was written way before but was republished this year and... gah... seventeen i still love you. kpop fic i still love you so much even when you are no longer the object of my affections and merely a man i have grown fondness for. but this vulcan fusion pon farr fic had me on my KNEES. my brother my lover my friend. lots to draw from a non-sequential timeline and also MY BROTHER. MY LOVER. MY FRIEND. nothing more deeply cutting than that line.

The Disappearing Act: The Impossible Case of MH370 by Florence de Changy really good deep dive onto the possible theories behind aviation's biggest mystery! watched the netflix doc and then sped red this in 3 days and i could not put it down. the whole thing feels like a story but in many ways the case itself in real life has felt like a story, so only fitting.

The Folk of the Air by Holly Black this has been my white whale for five years but i finally get it. the intrigue was DEEPLY compelling and the romance, even more so. have i liked anything else in this vein? absolutely not BUT.

2.5. HIDDEN BLADE ok not literature but also the most memorable film i've watched in ages next to everything everywhere all at once... oh my GOD... wang yibo... watched it with my dad and we spent another two hours after discussing the movie because it was that good. non linear, atmospheric cinematography and also i love not understanding anything until the very end and being able to put the pieces together. i feel so smart.

3. EVERYTHING IS HOCKEY RPF?

A) funniest realization this year was that bleak boyband bingo, THE BBB, the fundamental thesis of my peak kpop years fic characterization look i don't even know how to call it but it deeply influenced the way that i wanted to perceive and the ways that i did consume kpop content, was actually started by hockey rpf fans. YOU'RE KIDDING ME. i had a full on mental breakdown that apparently everything in life was hockey rpf. zero unique experiences actually i always meant to get into hockey etc etc but i really do love how this community has turned everything into a textually rich narrative. oh my god the narratives. i changed my tumblr username to something hockey-adjacent. we're here baby. i don't think we're going anywhere.

B) f1 is as still always in the background, i did manage to catch one race (mexico city) and it was fun and i need to watch more f1 with friends.

C) have i gotten into anything else. actually no. (???) (frontal lobe is developing???) it's been weird to not have multiple hyperfixations or consuming an ungodly amount of media as per previous wrapped posts but here we are. this is what happens when you make time for studying and you also have. an on campus job. and prioritize socializing. i think this is the least amount of time (at least in the past 5 months) that i haven't been on my laptop/phone. it's been busy but a good kind, which i never thought could exist or that i could have. sometimes i still want to sink myself into the comfort of being in a fandom and getting dopamine from consuming content, but apparently nothing really beats going to the gym, talking to people, and doing work that you love ? > reflections in almost 20 something adulthood.

4. UNZ UNZ

my top artist this year was polyphia which i think reflects the sort of intersection of rnb/hip hop with actual instrumentation, re: smino. this year's surprise was jpegmafia apparently i also like industrial hip hop which? good gym music tho. i'm REALLY getting into funk and folk and maybe a little bit too much of the latter the way that northern attitude by noah kahan ft hozier has me flat on my back forgetting that i come from a tropical country. lots of remi wolf and unknown mortal orchestra! really getting into that indie ish vibe too. predictions for next year is that i really get into house music and synth pop. spotify said that i'm a very nostalgic time traveler the way that 90% of my wrapped has appeared in previous years lol.

(spotify wrapped top and bottom 5) chimera - polyphia ft. lil west (WHAT. HOW. the answer is probably tim henson's playthru) low - sza (hockey rpf brainrot) them changes - thundercat (look time is a FLAT CIRCLE what am i supposed to do with the funkiest song off all time, not play it?) golden hour (cover) - magaziine (if im being honest. better than the original) matinee - smino ft. kal banx (BACK TO CHOREOGRAPHING THINGS IN MY HEAD!!!)

mystery lady - masego ft. don toliver (2020 throwback... because its been 4 years?) erop eraf - dopebwoy, jonna fraser (QLQ MAMI IK WIL MET JOU ZIJN), tu no metes cabra (remix) - bad bunny (time is a flat circle: reggaeton edition), let me in - exo (look i am a little bit nostalgic about them okay. i love them. im always going to love exo.) praise da lord - a$ap rocky ft. skepta (I BREAK DA LAW. THEN BREAK. SUM MORE).

5. LIFE

2023 was the year of FUCK IT WE BALL. what a great motto. i predict that is the attitude we will carry into this new year. i think it saved me though, if i'm being honest. there is a weird, paradigm shift in thinking that has felt like the culmination of the past three years. it's time and it's experiences and it's growing up and moving on but mostly it's about thinking that you'll never get there and then waking up one day to find that you're already there. sort of. knock on wood, you know? it's also the medication. that's been sick. it's also been God. that's also been really cool. highlight of this year was elle and i running to church to pray and accidentally leaving everyone else behind and just feeling drawn by the church near south end in boston. i've been growing up i think, especially in the past four months. college is really crazy and also really cool and i'm excited to cry a little bit more now. i hope i find romantic love tho. i CANNOT be single any longer dawg the romance in hockey rpf is really getting to me. ok thanks see you this time around next year!