• The primary rule of business success is loyalty to your employer. That's all right - as a theory. What is the matter with loyalty to yourself?
• Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
• God, so atrocious in the Old Testament, so attractive in the New - the Jekyll and Hyde of sacred romance.
• If the man doesn't believe as we do, we say he is a crank, and that settles it. I mean, it does nowadays, because now we can't burn him.

Irreverence is the champion of liberty and its one sure defense.

• Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.
• Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink - under any circumstances.
• Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.
• Yes, even I am dishonest. Not in many ways, but in some. Forty-one, I think it is.
• Total abstinence is so excellent a thing that it cannot be carried to too great an extent. In my passion for it I even carry it so far as to totally abstain from total abstinence itself.