Very faintly, I can feel it.

I feel proud of him.

And I want to express that, then fear of being seen arises- fear of being found that I feel endearment for him fear of thoughts that may arise in other people's minds if they see me becoming more endearing towards someone...

so would we rather stay quiet and unexpress our love, Aien?

"what if (my love) is too much?"

"then it will ripple over and go to ther places it may go to...or it will be returned to you"

I feel like I can't express my love... when I am not feeling my best

I feel like I cannot express my love, when I am feeling doubtful of my own intentions

I feel like I cannot express my love, when I fear what other's think or worry about how others will perceive me

I feel like I'm being dismissive of my thoughts if I go past the doubt and just flow through with it...

There, that's the ego trap. It wants to keep you in a place of doubting, so you don't grow beyond it or past it; so that it always keeps one step ahead of you

Because it knows you can overcome it, He's seen your potential, your light, what you could become

• ..and he himself if afraid

afraid of getting lost, of dying

• ..a river trembling at becoming part of the ocean
• ..yet the ocean is what it desparately seeks

Look beyond the trap, my dearest love Aien Look beyond the Ego...the rest of your Life is waiting.

~~~

So scared of being misunderstood/misinterpreted equating being misunderstood with being unloved

so you tried to figure out everything the best possible way to express what you mean (feel) that its expression got distorted words twisted words that never seem to have rung real doubt expanded and blooomed like a balloon glooming over you and Your Love until one day it popped, and you forget inside it was confetti waiting to be showered upon you

you'd rather run than face the discomfort of possibly being disliked of not even being given a chance 'to prove yourself' so sunk you did to the bottom of your womb a mountain that plateaued into shame

~~~

I worried that oh, i may have been caught up with my own things that I haven't been listening to what he has been sharing. He's been busy organzing and conducting his own plans and carrying them out I feel I may have overlooked celebrating him in his joy, or responding to what brings him fulfillment. (Making a mental note to send him a voice memo).

A question that arises...do I feel like I want to express this out of obligation?

• ..Hmm, no. I feel like it's more of realizing, oh yeah. The world doesn't revolve around me and what I'm going through.

Others are continue to live their lives, in love and in joy, the same way I am trying to live my life to the fullest and brightest that I can.

Also extending myself the grace that's needed because...you just went through something, Aien. I feel that you took the time that was needed and necessary for it to unravel and take place. We can't always self-isolate when we're going through stuff. We're experiencing things as the world progresses and moves too.

Pabagalin ang pag-iisip. Magdahan-dahan. Huminga. Mag-tiwala. Hindi lang sa iba... pero higit sa lahat, sa sarili.

🙏

~~~

I feel like social media has given us so many access to ways we can edit and tweak how we present ourselves that it takes out the candidness, and vulnerability that comes with the most natural way we can show up at any given moment.

~~~

I want to hiiiideee, because I'm not used to being seen.

Re-patterning, Aien. Re-patterning, huhu.

~~~

Kaninong boses yung nanghuhusga? At bakit siya nanghuhusga?

~~~

Was I reverting to the voice of self-pity?

~~~

I've built so many rules around my ways of expression, I've forgotten which ones I'm breaking, hahaha.

~~~

Hello, the old urge to run away from discomfort. Welcome to the table.