I want to say, despite it all, You are Loved.

There's a restlessness inside me. Perhaps, a resistance to change.

When I look within, it's like a part of me wants to throw a tantrum. Why? What does it want to say?

"I hate this. I don't like that I have to do, do, do. Why can't I just lounge around and be lazy. Do nothing. 'Wait to be fed by the slaves.' It's so uncomfortable to move. To actually do something. I don't like."

I guess because it's something new, you know? Taking action towards creating the life I want. I remember thinking last year, 'Why do I keep living for others? Why do I keep putting others' dreams first? Why have I been acting like my dreams take second priority?'

So here we are, Aien. Starting to take control. Starting to re-direct our energies. Starting to establish new habits. Starting to get to know how it feels like and how it is like to co- create the life you want.

You asked for this, I was telling myself as I felt fear and complacency creep in as I got a new job, as my work with Cris progressed, as responsibilities came with volunteering for Hey Wildflower.

_"You asked for this," I told myself with the tone that says I can't complain. Don't question what you asked for. Just receive. You are blessed to receive these.

But in truth, I must face the resistance I feel within me head on. So it can be addressed, and before it becomes anything unrecognizable than what it originally is.

I feel resistance...to the new pace of life it could entail. My days won't be less preoccupied anymore. There will be more movement at a pace that is different from what I became familiar with in the last two years.

I fear....does this mean I won't have time for myself? Does this mean I won't have time to do my personal rituals of communing with nature, with self, with my angels, with Divine, with my soul tribe...with mama Gaia?

What does this change really mean for me?

I asked for this change because I wanted a better financial capacity that will allow me pursue the things I want that will allow me to create the lifestyle I dream of being.

This looks like...

• a bike to bring to my travels and to travel with around the city
• an updated phone model to improve my communication skills and assist me in connecting better (in all dimensions)
• not having to rely on family financially to provide for my monthly expenses such as rent and especially insurance
• being able to treat friends and family to introduce discoveries I've made and would love to share with them because I feel they would enjoy it, appreciate it, or resonate with it (food or restaurants, a product or service, etc
• living by the beach for a while :) Maybe in Boracay, maybe in La Union, maybe somewhere I've never been to before

I want to remind myself that, there is reassurance in knowing that I am not creating my life, alone. There is reassurance that I am co-creating this life with my angels, with the Divine, with fellow soul sisters, with everyone and everything around me.

How empowering it is to know that I will always be guided, that I am always protected, that I will not be astray from my path if I keep faith. If I hold faith close to my heart. If I invite it in with every breath, in every inhale and if I release and cast out all my doubts and fears with every exhale, believing that these have no power in my life if I don't give them.

What are my fears?

My fears are, "if I don't have them, what will I have in my life?" If I don't have these feelings of obligation towards others then what will remain?

What will remain is...your authenticity. Your truth. All that is not aligned will fall away. Allow them to do so. Let go without attachment. Breathe. Breathe, Aien. "You will transcend every loss." All that are meant for you, will stay.