This Week's Highlights

• The "struggle" of receiving thanks.
  • Particularly from Ara? Instances: through chat, in person (GH trip), hug from Ergoe through Ara. / The 'instinct' or reflex reaction to runaway, deflect, 'panic' when I am being seen.
  • I'm thinking maybe it's coming from a place of feeling unworthy and also not fully owning up to the 'power' I hold - that is, trusting what I bring to my relationships. Trusting what I can gift the world. Trusting the space I occupy or am made to occupy in this world, in this lifetime.
  • "I am life-giving." (Affirmation.)
  • Trust what you can give (gift), Aien.
• Being invited for a paid trial for the job I'm applying for.
  • Aah, I almost forgot the high of receiving this news! It arrived unexpectedly as I originally received an email saying I didn't pass the Day In The Life Test. It gave me hope and seems like a promising job prospect!
• Ara's been very expressive of her love lately, saying 'I love you's and giving hugs.
  • I'm not quite used to it and I felt a little unsure how to receive it or respond. (That instinct again to deflect, huhu).
  • I felt very happy though and treasured it!
• Job opportunity with Jaja
  • A passing thought - no heavy attachments to the idea of helping out with Hey Wildflower
  • Gave it a try. Speaking up (not shushing an idea but actually speaking up about it - asking Jaja what she thought. Sharing my side which is I'm considering working for Hey Wildflower and then giving room for the other party to share what she thinks also).
• shifting the old belief / habit of not going deeper in my relationships - keeping it at a safe distance. Noticing how I feel afraid of asking more, of going deeper especially when someone is going through something. I feared making them uncomfortable or if I was being too personal / impolite...but it was also me not trusting myself to be able to hold space for what might be uncomfortable or unpleasant.
  • Shifting the perspective to, "how other's respond is more of a reflection of who they are than who I am". I want to be able to hold space, not just for my truths but also that of others' - while remaining centered and grounded to my core, while being compassionate and loving.
• Acting on last week's reflection and intention to nourish the relationships that matter, more. That is, relationships that have stood the test of time. Relationships that have been present for a while in my life and especially this pandemic. Expanding my and acknowledging the resources (primarily relationships) I have for receiving love, affirmation, validation, and support.
• Arriving at Day 30 of 30 Days of Move - Yoga with Adriene.
  • Aaah, that moment when we ended at the same time, bowing to each other - no words spoken, just gestures. Meeting each other at the exact time after a beautiful quiet practice. Glorious. Momentous. Meaningful. Touching.
• Being able to pay for rent earlier than I expected!
  • I was worrying about how and when I'll be able to pay for the rent of this month (due end of Jan). I thought that most likely, sa end of the month pa but I was able to settle it this week! YAY! I calculated housemate debts and had a receivables amount that is enough to pay due rent and to meet my basic needs for the month! Thank you!