Feelings:

• I felt embarrassed this morning when I approached Ara and asked, "Can I join you?" as she would be meeting her tito today. I felt embarrassed because I feel like I was pushing myself to her, insisting on keeping her company, insisting on - "I am giving support!! I am being supportive!!" so I should be accepted. I will be accepted because I am giving a means of support. I am being thoughtful.
  • Ara said, "No." I
  • It made me feel embarrassed about volunteering. It made me think I could have rephrased my question, asking, "do you need company?" but I wanted to prove I was available and that I am making time for her so I decided to go with, "Can I join you?" to impress that I want to be there. My lie backfired. I was secretly hoping I don't have to go. Because I'm also tired. Because I'm also healing. Because I'm also not in a space to give even if I want to. I have little fuel that I keep insisting on using everywhere and on everything.

Hmm, haaa.