20th // I just realized that with the amount I'm writing per day as an entry, I should probably just make a new note for each instead of stacking them up as a complete week (though that's easier to look back to).

I missed yesterday's post. Another day unwritten. It was a start of a new work week and I wanted it to end as soon as it began. I found myself wanting to cry and again, I was not being as productive at work as I used to be or wished to be. I ended the day crying to Ara, venting out how I've been feeling and then we went to Trinoma for some retail therapy. HAHAHA. Just kidding. We went to buy Nat's gift, though I did buy shapewear undergarment to wear to Jel's wedding today. We went home past midnight and I drank a bottle of beer before sleeping.

I woke up today with a sore body, colds, and sore throat. I felt too tired so I called in sick at work though I already switched my day off for today instead of tomorrow naman. I didn't feel like going to Jel's wedding too in the evening. I just wanted to stay in bed. I cried more this morning because I wanted to have nothing to do with work anymore. At least, not for a while. I cried to Ara again. It's not even just thoughts of resigning and transferring to another job (though that's a highly practical thing to do). I just wanted to.stop.doing.work. Thus, I finally made the decision to inform my boss of how I've been feeling - how my mental health has been suffering. I researched a bit for ways to disclose mental health issues with your employer and then I came across "burnout" which after looking upon, sums up how I've been feeling.

It made me tear up again, reading more about it. It saddens me that I have ignored most of the symptoms that have been present for a while now and it had to reach this point before I did something about it. :( It's just that, it reminds me of how I've almost always never listened to my warning signs. Not back in high school, not back in college, not in most of my experiences after college. And it has been a habit long developed and now, its effects are taking their toll on me. It's difficult because I feel like this is a struggle that I shouldn't be having at 25 years old? That at this time of my life, I should have at least developed some skills in being able to counteract situations that make me feel this way...

Anyway, I digress. I ended up deciding to got Jel's wedding tonight and the dress I initially planned to wear wasn't as baby pink as I imagined (color palette was baby pink / baby blue) so...I had to cram a pink shift dress in a few hours' time. Hahaha! It was difficult to book a ride and I was already running late as it is. I missed the ceremony and arrived during the photo ops afterwards. I found myself under dressed for the event!! For some reason, I imagined that it will just be a small group of relatives and friends, a cozy intimate dinner buuuuutt nope! It was floor length gowns, tulle, lace, and some glitter! Deeeemn. :o HAHAHA It was okay though, I didn't feel too self conscious. Iana spotted me and I sat next to her.

It felt so good to see a couple of high school friends again! Joy, Iana, and Iya, to be particular. Mara wasn't able to make it unfortunately due to a work shoot she had. I'm glad that it felt comfortable catching up with each other despite not talking to each other that much on social media nor meeting up as a group.