Dear Mother,

Aaaah, my winds are chaos, my thoughts feel turbulent.

I observe that a part of me...feels condition to criticize me and I project these onto others a lot of the time. I almost always think / wonder about the words others would speak about me if I did this or if I said that - how they would judge what I do or say, how they would look down upon it and decide it's not worth a chance or think I'm all fake and insincere. :(

I get so scared about being judged for my wishes and desires that I morph them into what I feel like would please others and along the process...I deform the purity of my ideas, my visions, my creative invitations. :( At the same time, an energy within me that seeks to disprove all of these preconceived judgements. I always feel like I'm farther or further from my heart the more I try to get closer to it...

Lately, I've been practicing sitting with just exactly how I am at the moment. In my discomfort, in my pain, in my..."non-positive, therefore not-Spiritual being". I know I am yet to understand how even in my shadows, I am Love.

I get impatient. I judge. I push away. I ignore, I neglect. I get angry I reject...

When all along the invitation is to... witness, observe, Love, open up to...

Aaaaahhh, Being is challenging mother. 😅