- the check-up went relatively well. i just need to stop holding back because i walk away from it thinking i could have said 484493873922 things but couldn't find the voice to
- it SEEMS like fleur's parents like me. a bit. um. i can't read elderly people at all to be honest. beverly and graham. beverly and i had a chat on the way to pick sy up and i kept starting sentences with 'um...' because i freaked out a bit. but i think it went oooookay
- I WEIGH 66KG BY THE WAY WOW. i am lowkey happy about that. and my height is 166cm. hmm....
- my bmi index was considered normal but yes i could stand to lose a few. the normal spectrum is '18-24' and i'm 24 which is...great
- i see natasha tomorrow in the city
- then on wednesday it's grandma
- thursday i have a bra fitting
- ...
- it all sounds so scary and confronting when i write it out like that. kind of makes me want to cry. having to do so many things myself. but i signed up for this and if i want to keep putting on a brave face even though i don't feel 100% inside, it's my own fault. i should be okay
- i'm freaking about about seeing nan though...god i really, really wish i wasn't so damn awkward. it ruins everything
- i need to stop feeling like i need to cry all the time
- i am so goddamn affected by sho's dating thing. it had me all shaken last night and i don't really know why. i'm pissed mostly. to think he's been dating for the past five or six months in secret and it wouldn't have killed him to give us a heads up and stop being so sly about it. see if i found out these things via the person himself (or the agency) it wouldn't be so bad. i could deal with it and be happy for him. but to think he assumes he has to go behind everyone's backs until, hey there, paps snap photos of him and his girl walking away and travelling to each other's apartments, well. that won't leave me very happy, sho. and i'm disappointed in you mostly because you have mislead me all this time. still feeling the aftershocks
- i may have committed the biggest mistake of my life this morning
- positivity is dangerous
- positivity + wishful thinking + sleepless mind + little thought = some giant fucking decisions in my case
- i sent a message to william and he actually replied in the afternoon
- i lost it when i seen it. no really. i had to climb off my bed and walk in a few circles to calm down
- turns out he does not hate me, and that is the tl;dr of the story so far
- ali told me today that three people donated money so i can afford a bra (none of them really know what they donated towards because...personal) and that michael was one of them. i just. i was floored but i couldn't show it because we were sitting in the middle of a doctor's waiting room. that man is just so kind and selfless, i can't even
- again why do i deserve any of this?
- william wants to be friends. i said it would be nice and he said it would be fine. oh god. idk what i've done but it's something right i guess. am i going to wake up and regret this tomorrow?
feb 27 2017 ∞
feb 27 2017 +
feb 27 2017 +