you know what. stop being so hard on yourself. not that you're beating yourself up all that much these days, but if you stop to think about it, daddy would be so proud of you, okay? for a number of reasons:

• you got out of that hellhole
• you have a job
• you're slowly working on going to study
• you're accepting of everything (even though it sometimes backfires on you later on OH WELL)
• you're SAVING YOUR MONEY (this is a big one. he would be so proud, knowing you have this much money and that you're not going to touch it or spend it impulsively on stupid things)
• you're learning to cook (slowly)
• you're opening up to the idea of friends (but because life is stressful and busy sometimes you neglect them and that's okay, right?)
• you're happier in yourself
• you (occasionally) have confidence
• you've changed. and you're willing to change even more

i miss you, daddy. i wish you were here, that you could see what i've accomplished in the space of nearly four months. i know it's not much on the surface, but when i take a step back, i can see how much things have improved in every sense of the word. and i know there's a few key things i have yet to do, but this is progress. i'm so much happier. and i'm trying to help everyone i can.

i think my psychologist said to me today that, unlike shon and jay, i had another influence in my life. i took what i learned from you (the good and the bad), and i've absorbed who you were. i've gotten all of that from you. i hope you notice that. i ignored the genes i got from mum, and i completely took your wholesome, kind personality. people around me have recognised that i've chosen to take after your good heart. that makes me tear up a little.

still, i will always be sorry for things that were out of my hands. and some things that i could have changed, but because of my own idiocy, i chose not to. i'm sorry. i miss you so much. and i love you.