i do not allow myself to be any more than in the middle because losing people does not hurt as bad if you do not fully let them in.
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that is the thing about picking yourself up out of your own personal hell. no one sees how hard it was except you. all they see is that you, “finally got your shit together.”
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there is only so much healing i can do in this space that does not allow healing at my own pace, and only, “hurry up and just be ok.”
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i think it is ok to be a little bit selfish. you do not have to share your hopes and dreams. you do not have to share where you plan to go or what you want to see. it is ok to trust your gut and protect your heart. it is ok to be a little selfish. it is your life. do not forget that part.
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second chances exist, but i stopped handing them out to the people who kept coming back for the third, fourth, and fifth time. and still expected me to welcome them with warm arms and an open mind.