- i don't know if you ever knew how i felt about you. maybe you just thought i was being weird for no reason. at that stage of my life people were an enigma to me and so were you but i knew how i felt about you. you were a first and i will always remember you for mostly that. i feel like, later on, you pretended you didn't know me, never knew me. i wish you didn't, but i can understand why. i hope you're having fun.
- you now, were The first. it felt odd and like a fair ride to me. that's just how it is to be together at that age, i guess. dizzy, innocent, smiling and laughing and worrying that you might puke. it all seemed to happen so naturally and i don't regret any part of it. i'm glad to still hear from you and i wish we hung out more.
- i don't know what to say to you. i was lonely and unwell and i think you were too (maybe not as lonely). i'm sorry for saying the things i did. i'm not sorry for trying so hard. i wanted you to love me back honestly. i wanted it so badly. i hope you're doing better. i hope you reconciled with yourself. i hope someday you can feel good about who you are. you made me feel better during some of the hardest times of my life.
- i'm still sorry. there's a lot of things i could say and explain and i don't know where to start or which things to say. i hope you know i always did love you. you were never too much. i had so much fun and didn't want it to end. i think on the time i spent with you fondly. i was terrified of hurting you. i hope you find somewhere comfortable in life and someone who can love you how you need to be loved. please quit smoking.
- aren't you the exception. i like to think i learned a few lessons along the way and finally found out how to apply them with you. although of course it had to 'end' eventually. we were like a fire out of control. i fear we burned down and away a lot of important things to make room for 'us', the flame. and burned away parts of ourselves as well. but you know now that's why i put it out. now we're trees in the forest.
- you. you... i know you know. i don't know if you know how much. if you know i still do. in some way, i guess. i forced myself to feel differently. but i can't ever make my feelings do what i want, even now. i couldn't tell you why it had to be you. i asked myself that a lot. it's just- god. you would glow before me. despite everything. you drove me crazy. it felt so good to love you. warmth in a way i had never felt before. i know it never could have worked. it still wouldn't. i've made my peace with that. i always hope life would treat you better.
nov 2 2025 ∞
nov 2 2025 +