FREE PALESTINE

looking to the past to understand myself in the present is my go-to method of healing and has never failed me.

learning about narcissistic abuse made me feel seen, heard, validated, and understood, and it explained my pain like nothing else i had ever come across. most importantly, it empowered me to stand up to my abusers and get free when there was no other option to save myself. i know there will be others like me who need this, so I share it here:

look below and see if you relate to what is described, esp. if these are constant patterns or trends in your household. i focus on parents, but this can be relevant to any kind of relationship. also political oppressors and systemic abuse !!

(generally...) domestic violence, and physical & emotional abuse:

• witnessing, or being a part of, fights, or emotional volatility at home
• having a parent/ carer who showcase irrational, explosive, and perhaps also violent rage
• feeling silenced, powerless, or like you have to walk on eggshells to avoid getting in trouble
• being guilt-tripped, criticised or nitpicked, and shamed, either constantly, or when they are in a bad mood
• being shouted at, bullied, manipulated, controlled, and forced to do things against your will (emotional abuse that can cross over into physical abuse)
• being physically abused, i.e. hit, smacked, kicked, and hurt in other physical ways
• feeling like maybe you were unsafe, or couldn't trust your parents/ carers
• parent/ carer who suffers from dependency issues, like alcoholism or drug-taking (abuse/ neglect is likely to occur, but I think in itself this is a sort of domestic violence)
• living with diagnosed or undiagnosed mental illness in the household (abuse/ neglect is likely to occur)

(generally...) CEN (childhood emotional neglect), adultification & other forms of emotional and physical abuse:

• having to intervene, mediate, or peacemake between adults in a fight
• feeling alone, and having to take care of yourself or others
• feeling like you had to be your parent/ carer's emotional or physical support
• feeling like YOU were the adult, and they the child
• being made to feel like your needs were a burden to your parents/ carers, or being made to feel guilty for having needs
• feeling like it was unsafe to be yourself around your parents/ at home
• not being praised, supported, cuddled, communicated with, or paid attention to enough
• having a parent/ carer who is NEVER wrong, apparently, and is unable to communicate with you when you bring up an issue (direct example of a narcissistic parent/ partner)

look into:

• narcissistic parents
• vulnerable narcissistic parent
• grandiose narcissistic parent
• borderline personality disorder parent
• toxic parents
• emotionally immature parents
• dysfunctional families
• child-roles in dysfunctional families
• scapegoat child
• flying monkeys
• childhood emotional neglect (CEN)
• emotional incest
• CPTSD (c stands for complex)
• gaslighting
• enabling
• manipulation
• DARVO: deny, attack, reverse victim and offender
• ACES (adverse childhood experiences)
• attachment styles and theory
• latchkey kids

some links to get you started:

• (part 1) 25 characteristics of narcissistic parents and dysfunctional families: https://psychcentral.com/blog/psychology-self/2019/04/narcissistic-families-p1#1
• (part 2) 25 characteristics of narcissistic parents and dysfunctional families: https://psychcentral.com/blog/psychology-self/2019/05/narcissistic-families-p2#1
• the 12 rules of a dysfunctional narcissistic family: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-narcissist-in-your-life/202003/the-12-rules-dysfunctional-narcissistic-family
• the real effect of narcissistic parenting on children: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201802/the-real-effect-narcissistic-parenting-children
• the roles of the children: https://luckyottershaven.com/2016/07/17/child-roles-in-dysfunctional-families/comment-page-1/
• self-identifying as an adult child of narcissistic parents: https://themindsjournal.com/self-identifying-adult-child-of-narcissistic-parents/
• 12 life-impacting symptoms complex PTSD survivors endure: https://themighty.com/2017/08/life-impacting-symptoms-of-complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/

online forum to hear from others in the same situations: https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/

abuse victims' feelings and experiences are valid, period. looking into this area is an act of trying to understand the trauma you may have experienced, what happened, why, and how what you went through was, and is, real and valid. it's learning how what happened to you wasn't right. you deserve to heal and live a life that is healthy, good, safe, free, and happy. everyone does.

simply calling it 'abuse' or 'emotional abuse' does not open up a floodgate of essential information for a victim, that is otherwise found when looking specifically into something like "narcissistic" abuse. access to this information is vital for victims to be able to fight for their freedom and justice, and to heal from their wounds and become healthy, independent individuals who live safe, peaceful lives, and can recognise and save themselves from abuse when and if they experience it.

until all aspects and details that exist within 'narcissistic' abuse are present and accounted for under new terminology, i will continue to use this terminology as it is vital to saving a victim's life.

an important lesson in this, one that humanity are struggling to learn, is that you can't put the abuser's needs before the victim's. we're seeing this now in other parts of the world, i.e. palestine. FREE PALESTINE and all victims of oppressive and abusive systems and situations.

as a victim, it isn't our responsibility to save our abuser, and our feelings, experiences, and lives are worth no less than theirs.

love and healing to all. may justice and humanity prosper.