a list about quirk things and life surroundings items why in english? I enjoy writing in english, but not that much. It's just... easier. Like some thoughts of mine flow better, just a little bit. My english is pretty self-taught. I wanted to read some book when I was a child, but it was in english. So I took a dictionary and started... and here I am. I know nothing about grammar and all that stuff, so sometimes I make silly mistakes. I would like to study english seriously some day.

• My father has bipolar and major depressive disorder. His suicide attemps and violent outbursts played a key role in my fear of men, physical aggression and screams. He was, and still is, a weird man. A difficult person. At the same time, I feel love, hate and pity for him.
• I'm pretty much a weak person. I despise violence. People take me as passive, but I don't know if that's true. I only know that I hate conflict.
• I have depressive disorder myself. It's difficult to talk, even think, about it and say sometimes I just don't want to live, like I'm incapable of being in sync with the world. I'm in a better place now, overall, but there's moments when I'm afraid. Afraid that I'll try and try and then the end will be.... just not good.
• I also have obsesive-compulsive disorder and it was even more difficult that depression itself. I've been suffering of OCD since I was like... nine or ten years old and it was hard to accept it. It took me years and I told to myself that it was enough when I started to be motionless. I couldn't get up, make my bed, clean the house, or even take a bath. Life started to be absolutely horrid, like I was just a floating head full of thoughts. Thoughts that would pevent me of doing things and wouldn't make me happy but at the same those thoughts would give me a great sadness if I didn't have them. Thoughts are like drugs. I'm not clean, but I'm trying to be better.
• I'm a lonely person. I think that's natural, like... I don't have great and close friends or super good relationship with family members. Some days are hard, because it is hard to be alone after so many years. I never could open up to other people. And even when other people try to get close, I just can't reciprocate. I think that loneliness has almost eaten and I'm in some place where is difficult to trust others.
• I never had friends. I think that I'm someone that is hard to feel sympathy for. I was severely bullied in kinder garden, school and high school. I've suffered physical aggressions, harassing, cyber-bullying and just some awful things that would left me crying for hours and wishing that I was dead. In class I would feel sick just of the stress of being there. There's just not good memories of all that time, just pain and suffocation. Things started to get better the last two or three years of highschool, but It wasn't enough for me. There was just too much pain.
• When my sister was a teenager, she fell in love with a guy, who was a junkie. She used to run away from home with him. I was a child and I didn't understand what was going on, but I would go out with my parents in her search. At those times I was always scared that we would find her dead. I think... that I was neglected, somehow, and that was a breaking point in my life. I wish my parents had talked to me back then. It was hard for them, I know, but I was a child and it was hard for me too.

(continue this list later...)