➜ prev list, in portuguese

decided to do it in english this time because why not. my life is extremely uninteresting by the way i'm super duper depressed and this goes way beyond the "list five things about your day" thing sorry

also stuff in italics are probably song lyrics or book quotes

my start date: june 18th, 2023

• june 18th, 2023 · followed some of the instructions the doc gave me for a morning routine, brief panic attack, mom made croissants, i really hope i never lose alicia, read a bit of nelson rodrigues
• june 19th, 2023 · mom woke me up early and i was grateful but felt a little melancholic, made lunch and then slept for a while, watched tlou with luana, made kung pao chicken for dinner, played valorant with her and some of the gang (arthur/yke/carlos)
• june 20th, 2023 · mom woke me up early again and i felt a bit sad today as well, listened to a faye webster album, eye doc on afternoon, ate pastel and chips for dinner, wish i could play valo but got depressed for no reason
• june 21st, 2023 · i want to be friends with her so bad, listened to gal's self titled album, watched tlou with luana after a nap, played valo w her and some of the gang (arthur/yke/kelvin), went to sleep devastated over the same thing again
• june 22nd, 2023 · trying to put an end to this for the nth time, listened to two albums (garbage's self titled and palehound's dry food), no appetite - mom bought me burger king and i wasn't even excited about it, went to the city to cancel that damn card, watched a tlou ep, volunteer meeting
• june 23rd, 2023 · woke up a little happy?? and listened to angèle's nonante-cinq, played valo with luana and alone later, ate lemon cake and chicken pie yummm, began season 2 of kitchen nightmares, drank wine got a bit drunk and very sleepy...
• june 24th, 2023, ali's bday · woke up at midnight and took meds to try and go back to bed but had an awful sleep, drank coffee w cake while watching two tlou eps with luana, ate yesterday's pie (still no appetite i guess), played valo and got frustrated, cael is back i guess and i started bee and puppycat because of them (and alicia ofc)
• june 25th, 2023 · i'm sleeping like shit again, brother had a fucking epileptic episode and went to the hospital, ate fast food while trying to distract myself, feeling unsafe and sad and just miserable overall, tried to play valo but it sucks by the time the act is ending
• june 26th, 2023 · constantly waking up at 3am and i hope it's just pms, watched another tlou ep with luana, played valo w her (and later kelvin, arthur n yke), ate acarajé and chips for dinner, missed a volunteer meeting and felt guilty about it lol
• june 27th, 2023 · yeah sleeping sucks and it's definitely pms, didn't eat shit for lunch, had a fight with my mom because i didn't wanna go out (not as simple as that but meh i won't elaborate), had allergies at night and the meds made me sleepy, feelsbad.png to ignore everyone but i'm psychically baaad
• june 28th, 2023 · woke up on my period and almost passed out from nausea, took medication and slept until it was gone, had lunch at like 3pm? and watched a tlou episode with luana (this series is too much!! we're taking it slow!!), played valo and act beginnings are fun but i was a lil bored, noodles for dinner
• june 29th, 2023 · i don't get why i'm so fucking depressed, had satisfying breakfast for once (no omeprazole left - just praying my stomach won't be a lil shit), went to the bank but saw the long ass line and came right back home (i think i may have agoraphobia?), felt alright later bc of ryan and shane and music. i guess?, i miss sleeping with lina
• june 30th, 2023 · had to go to the bank, fies is still my sleep paralysis demon, had a burger for dinner/lunch/everything, no appetite because i made myself sad (broke nc), ambien for sleep
• july 1st, 2023 · ambien made me really tired, horrible caffeine migraine that lasted the whole day, played valorant with luana and it finally felt fun, had a burger for lunch again, god i'm so fucking insomniac it's hellish
• july 2nd, 2023 · ate grapes and coffee for breakfast, slept for the whole afternoon, watched a bit of youtube (dev, danny, nick), listened to a few short albums (dominic fike's, luna li's), played fun valo with the whole gang (arthur, luana, yke, carlos)
• july 3rd, 2023 · drank coffee on an empty stomach and played a bit of tetris and coffee talk, went to pick up my glasses and i love them so much, had starbucks (flat white and a stroopwafel), long car rides will always be my favorite thing, had a headache again and slept late
• july 4th, 2023 · fell asleep at 4am and got up at 4pm, coffee on an empty stomach again (i deserve to die i swear), valo with the gang (luana, arthur, yke, carlos), late dinner and acid reflux (as expected), watched joel's "pretend that you love me"
• july 5th, 2023 · went to julie's house and ate fandangos and grape fanta (!!!), had so much fun talking to her i love her so much, mom is kinda sick so i just sat and worried for most of the night, ate chinese takeout, reinstalled fucking genshin impact
• july 6th, 2023 · jujustu kaisen s2e1 (insanity), played a little of genshin's new event, drew/kurtis/danny podcast, valorant with the gang (arthur/yke/luana/carlos), noodles for dinner
• july 7th, 2023 · mom's still sick and pissed off, watched jujutsu again with cael, danny's podcast with jarvis and jordan, finally got kaeya's skin, made dinner and finally ate a proper meal in days
• july 8th, 2023 · helped mom with lunch, slept all afternoon, listened to a bit of julie's playlist and a nothing but thieves' ep, ordered pizza for dinner, started reading 'a cheap imitation' (shizaya fic)
• july 9th, 2023 · so tired of waking up late, played valo and among us with the gang (luana/arthur/carlos/kelvin/takashi/ace/tanji), getting back on 'coffee talk', had leftover pizza and bread for my poor excuse of a dinner, ensename by rbd
• july 10th, 2023 · exo's comeback (underwhelming) and a nothing but thieves album (equally underwhelming), got my tickets for barbie w the girlzzz (carmen/ju/maju), went to pick up my medication, slept a bit because i got upset at my mom's screaming, played valo/gang beasts with luana and later dreamlight valley by myself
• july 11th, 2023 · finally woke up at morning!!, wrote alicia's letter and a journal entry, made lunch ate and slept, played a bit of valo with luana/arthur/kelvin, tried the sims 4 for the xbox but i'm still getting used to the controllers
• july 12th, 2023 · listened to "in the court of the crimson king", sad at myself for sleeping all afternoon again, worried about my mom because of my brother, read this article on joy, noodles for dinner
• july 13th, 2023 · had a horrible sleep, didn't wake up on time for making lunch because of that, slept all afternoon again and felt like crap, listened to cassia eller's 1994 self titled, just waited for the day to end really
• july 14th, 2023 · went to the mall with julie to buy pink barbie things, ate popeyes, sat down at the bookstore to look at art books, played awful valo when i got home because i was too tired, had an awful sleep even so
• july 15th, 2023 · made lunch, slept for the afternoon again, watched jujutsu with cael, played the past within with them too, listened to pierce the veil's "misadventures"
• july 16th, 2023 · drew's new video (fun!!), played minecraft with cael, ate brownies to try and fool my stomach, broke nc and got sad until i cried, played a bit of tetrio and valo's deathmatch
• july 17th, 2023 · woke up really depressed, started listening to koi no yokan but stopped midway, read "fail better" by zadie smith, feeling overwhelmed by people, started a creative server on minecraft
• july 18th, 2023 · mom let me have burger king for lunch, still no appetite, sent jen a text (which made me nervous?), drank salvia tea and clonazepam to sleep and it went alright, i think she's finally gone
• july 19th, 2023 · therapy today and i talked a lot, walked back home and the sun felt nice, had lunch early but slept all afternoon, finished a vida como ela é and started pedagogia do oprimido, played a bit of valo with arthur/luana
• july 20th, 2023 · mom didn't go to work and it was such a relief for some reason, my aunt's kitty finally let me pet her (and i teared up a little), listened to carly rae's "emotion", cael bought me chaeya-colored bracelets, being silly for childe's birthday was fun
• july 21st, 2023 · newjeans' comeback (i loved it!!), managed to make my rhinitis act up because i got SOAP INTO MY NOSE (and had to take medicine that made me sleep all afternoon), watched jjk with cael finally, still worried about mom's thingy and feeling weird because of Someone but it's alright, just want to be alone for the rest of the day
• july 22th, 2023 · woke up and played tetrio while listening to cassia eller's debut album, had a lemon pie and coffee for lunch because i hate myself, played valo with luana/arthur/carlos and later 'the past within' with her, ate pastel for dinner (it sucked), getting kind of anxious over leaving the house tmr
• july 23th, 2023 · woke up excited for dressing up for barbie, dyed my hair pink again, went to julie's house to paint my nails and back home to get dressed, the movie was so much fun and i cried twice, slept over at her house as well and we talked w carmen until we felt sleepy
• july 24th, 2023 · missed doc appointment again and idc, watched exo and other silly stuff w the girls until 10am, went home and slept all day, woke up for setting up my new desk and i like it enough, had burger for dinner
• july 25th, 2023 · slept badly but ate proper breakfast (i think...), wrote stuff on my journal, wasn't exactly depressed but not happy either, listened to cassia eller's "o marginal", played tetrio
• july 26th, 2023 · insomnia is truly making me consider giving up on living, watched "life can be so wonderful" when i woke up at 2am, read a bit during morning, tried to make valorant work on cael's pc for tomorrow, had dinner at least
• july 27th, 2023 · still sleeping horribly, listened to akina's "fushigi", sensory overload is still k*lling me (lots of white noise, calm music and earplugs), showered with the intent of washing my hair and? forgot to?, ate a meal at like 5pm, went catatonic until 6am woohoo
• july 28th, 2023 · teeth grinding, irritability, spent the whole day asleep or catatonic, white noise, thought about * but scared myself off because of the *
• july 29th, 2023 · got up at 7 and washed my hair, played a bit of tetrio and read, slept a bit and then read more, pizza for dinner, gonna try melatonin for insomnia today
• july 30th, 2023 · not even worth writing down... faced The Horrors™
• july 31st, 2023 · woke up early and finished jenny's video about the evermore theme park, officially on my 8th week of prozac, drew's new video!! made me try clone hero again, read for an hour and a half, played a bit of valo w luana but it was meh
• august 1st, 2023 · i slept okay??? woke up but managed to fall back asleep, read for an hour, played clone hero (i hate drew gooden..) and tetrio, finally felt fine and maybe the prozac is kicking in, pizza for dinner!!!
• august 2nd, 2023 · pizza for breakfast ofc, actually worked for a good period of time during the morning and the afternoon, played valo w luana and yke and we were awful but it was fun, vampire empire, kitchen nightmares
• august 3rd, 2023 · doc appointment and a LOT of waiting time, saw a funny house and lost my shit laughing (i can't even describe it??), valo (with yke arthur luana) and work yes maybe at the same time, newjeans on lollapalooza made me so excited??, chicken and broccoli for dinner bc i was too tired to make rice
• august 4th, 2023 · made myself sad at morning but pulled through!!!, cooked lunch and ate early, went to sam's club w mom aunt cousin and julie and it was fun (got my stroopwafels and they're so tasty!!), played awful but fun valo w the gang + yke's friend, felt warm and fuzzy by the end of the day
• august 5th, 2023 · went to a vinyl record store with julie, overwhelmed with guilt and realizing the disease, re-listened to 'capacity' by big thief, afternoon nap, ended up not eating + no appetite so i just ate noodles
• august 6th, 2023 · manhãs que eu acordo com seu nome, feeling like the opposite of everything i want to be, read a bit, trying to get back into genshin (childe's fault i hope he dies jk please don't i'll kill myself), chocolate cappuccino
• august 7th, 2023 · been waking up early consistently, yesterday's lunch for lunch, valo today made my stomach hurt from laughing because danilo came back (and got a 4 hour ban), genshin is still tiring but we're getting there, read a bit
• august 8th, 2023 · went to a few places w mom before she dropped off me n julie at carmen's house, schweppes vodka + chips + domino's, music and youtube and videogames, julie's gift for me was insane she's insane actually, slept kind of early because we're #old women now
• august 9th, 2023, my bday · had lunch at carmen's, played videogames (we tried amnesia but got annoyed at the tv's brightness lol), went home to my "party" (good food at least), played a bit of valo with arthur and luana, logged off early because i wanted to play it takes two w cael today as well (and it was so fun too!!!)
• august 10th, 2023 · woke up late and tried organizing a studying plan, read julie's letter, played valo with arthur and luana during the afternoon and later "it takes two" with cael again, godfather came to visit and gave me money (it was awkward as always), ate takeout for dinner
• august 11th, 2023 · slept badly and it ruined my mood because i was doing so well, played half of "inside" i think?, listened to indigo's sparke "hysteria", was half awake until 5pm, had for dinner what was supposed to be my lunch
• august 12th, 2023 · last slice of birthday cake for breakfast, cappelletti for lunch, finished reading "capitães da areia", listened to gonzaguinha's "caminhos do coração", played "it takes two" with cael for the whole night
• august 13th, 2023 · woke up late because i took way too much medication, played "it takes two" with cael for the afternoon (and found out this game is longer than we thought), made them watch spiderverse (2018), noodles for dinner, started reading the poetry book julie gave me
• august 14th, 2023 · had a proper meal woohoo, played inside and tetrio, re-watched spiderverse (2023) with luana, listened to rita lee's fruto proibido, work is boring as always
• august 15th, 2023 · brazil had a major power outage, read all morning, slept until electricity was back, gave "in rainbows" a re-listen, family killed my energy and mood by night time
• august 16th, 2023 · been waking up late and it feels like a day wasted when that happens, leftover pizza, read a bit, videogames with cael, work
• august 17th, 2023 · read a bit of both of my current readings woohoo, made tastyyyy lunch, finished playing inside (what the hell.), listened to a black midi album..?, trying genshin again (someone free me)
• august 18th, 2023 · fish fish fish for lunch i love fish, played valo just so i could buy a yoru card with the free points, hozier's album holy shit, do you know i could break beneath the weight of the goodness, love, i still carry for you?, (almost) cried myself to sleep for the same old reason
• august 19th, 2023 · day 1 of (redacted), woke up early to read and make lunch, played genshin and overcooked with cael, made dinner, kitchen nightmares
• august 20th, 2023 · no lunch only bread and snacks and soda and cappuccino, listened to a really pretty album (hilda hilst's poems but as music!!), finished reading the bell jar (stares.), bought daniel furlan's book because the price dropped finally, day 2 of Whatever was ok
• august 21st, 2023 · day 3 of whatever also okay and i'm happy with that, read a bit during morning, played it takes two with cael all morning and until quite late at night, no appetite and if this keeps up i'm going to physically disappear, overwhelmed by people
• august 22nd, 2023, lara b-day · had for dinner what was supposed to be my lunch, daniel furlan's book arrived, did one of the endings in the kaeya hangout, i think i'm getting a job but i don't want to get excited over nothing, overwhelmed by people again
• august 23rd, 2023 · woke up at 3 am for no reason and later with joint pain, almost done with pedagogia do oprimido, appetite still gone and i'd be dead if it wasn't for mom, day 4 and my self control is admirable honestly, she was heartache from the moment that you met her
• august 24th, 2023 · i'm done with pedagogia do oprimido thank god, went to a "job interview" and i'm probably gonna be a rich woman's secretary, played valo with the gang, watched loud's match, played tetrio
• august 25th, 2023 · i don't know if i'm capable of taking this job and it's making me anxious, slept all afternoon because i felt like shit, played valo, finished watching iu's concert and i love my sea so much, ate lunch for dinner yadda yadda
• august 26th, 2023 · bon odori was so much funnnnnn (tried sake and okonomiyaki for the first time), met carmen's friends, bought cute genshin stuff and a sanrio mug, went home with my voice hoarse from singing and talking, talked to lara until midnight
• august 27th, 2023 · can't get up early so i'm probably going to drop the melatonin for now, played a bit of everything (tetrio, valo, stardew), feeling helpless but trying not to ruin things with someone i care about, ate almost nothing, truly a Sunday with a capital S
• august 28th, 2023 · to the person in the bell jar, blank and stopped as a dead baby, the world itself is the bad dream, can't eat, meeting with the rich woman re-scheduled for tomorrow morning, listened to two albums (slowdive and lucy dacus), empty empty
• august 29th, 2023 · job stuff today and i think i can do it, came home hungry and had lunch which is wowwww!!!, i'm working on being kinder when i'm angry, drew's video with bimbim!! so important, mcdonalds for dinner
• august 30th, 2023 · job stuff re-scheduled for tomorrow, tried venting to someone and felt miserable after, ate lunch for dinner, constant weight on my chest, iu's concert announced for screening in brazilian movie theaters!!!
• august 31st, 2023 · job stuff was just organizing old papers, came home starving and was stressed because i had issues with my uber, played valo with luana and arthur (caught up with tanji too), egg sandwich for dinner, listened to sky ferreira's album (i know i'm late to the party)
• september 1st, 2023 · more organizing old papers, came home and slept for hours, ate the birthday cake and snacks my boss gave me for pseudo lunch, caffeine during the afternoon is giving me heart palpitations, listened to a sidney gish album
• september 2nd, 2023 · officially giving up on prozac (gonna taper off slowly), woke up almost passing out from hunger and i probably would've if it wasn't for mom, tried to rest for the afternoon, played valo w luana arthur n yke and later limbo by myself, turkey sandwiches for dinner
• september 3rd, 2023 · there's a leak on my bedroom roof, played valo with arthur and luana, almost done with limbo, lunch for dinner because still no appetite, cael
• september 4th, 2023 · woke up with a deadly stomach pain, annoyed and angry for no reason, called in sick for work (and i didn't lie did i), read a bit, finished limbo
• september 5th, 2023 · overwhelmingly sad all morning, wrote a page of her letter, my boss canceled on me twice, played valo by myself while working, mcdonalds for dinner
• september 6th, 2023 · felt sad angry n bitter over this job, me and my boss finally managed to make some progress, visited my childhood school (the place is going to be used for one of the projects we're working on), let her buy me and my aunt coffee and donuts, tidied up my room
• september 7th, 2023 · laundry, finished daniel's book and finally got started on mrs dalloway, listened to two albums (boa's no.1 and caetano's transa), played valo with luana, lunch for dinner once again
• september 8th, 2023 · worked from home, organized a few of my future readings on my listo archive, had lunch at a proper time finally (and also dinner!! TWO meals!!), trying to get used to v. woolf's writing, lose yourself from playing games
• september 9th, 2023 · took prozac since i'm not quitting cold turkey and it made me sleep horribly, started a project hehe!!!, played valo alone and obviously stressed myself out, 10 years of am's AM album so i gave it a re-listen for nostalgic reasons, turkey sandwiches
• september 10th, 2023 · finished watching drew on sad boyz, danny's new video, one-sided breakups, played valo on my own, ugly cried myself to sleep
• september 11th, 2023 · took too much medication to sleep so i stayed in bed all morning, played valo with carlos/yke/miyu and this other dude, ate almost nothing but snacks and coffee, got myself addicted to vampire survivors, feeling better than yesterday at least
• september 12th, 2023 · vampire survivors, valo by myself, worked from home, actually ate a meal today, listened to a bjork and a black midi album
• september 13th, 2023 · finally wrote lara's letter this morning, slept too much all afternoon again, valo and vampire survivors, deleted someone's number, mcdonalds for dinner
• september 14th, 2023 · stupid family fights, bought cute stationery stuff for lara's letter, wind of change, made dinner, kitchen nightmares
• september 15th, 2023 · listened to mitski's album, slept a bit in the afternoon and had a dream about balloons in my room?, played valo with luana and arthur joined later, read a bit while working, noodles for dinner
• september 16th, 2023 · vampire survivors, went to a second hand cd store with julie and bought three albums, went to a second hand bookstore too but found nothing interesting, fell asleep early after talking to my friends
• september 17th, 2023 · slept horribly (i'm out of melatonin...), vampire survivors; tetrio; valo - as always (beat gallo tower in vs tho!), listened to a sheena ringo album, homemade pizza for dinner, kitchen nightmares
• september 18th, 2023 · slept late and horribly, procrastinating writing lara's letter on paper, the sims 3 and valo with luana, lemon pie, listened to bcnr's live album
• september 19th, 2023 · insanely irritable, mom lost her wallet so i had to deal with everything that comes along with that, had fun starting out lara's letter decoration, changed the acrylic covers on my cds with new ones, popeye's for dinner
• september 20th, 2023 · spent the whole day in bed, coffee with milk, valo by myself, done with a good portion of lara's letter (god it's so LONG), noodles for dinner
• september 21st, 2023 · had to order lunch but i finally ate a proper meal, slept too much again, played valo with arthur/luana/tanji, realizing just how much they mean to me now, horrible news regarding my aunt's health
• september 22th, 2023 · played vampire survivors and valo with luana at morning, worked until i couldn't, ate lunch properly and it only felt a little bad, was truthful about my feelings for once, i'll pretend being with you doesn't feel like drowning
• september 23th, 2023 · if i lay down on your knee / brush my hair / like when i was young, putt party with tanji and this other guy, can't eat and that makes me even more depressed, empty day
• september 24th, 2023 · listened to a charlie brown jr. album in the morning, ate lunch at lunch time!!!, withdrawal side effects are getting to me, wrote silly stuff
• september 25th, 2023 · slept too much, had a talk with my mom about this job and i'm quitting fuck that bitch, felt depressed but relieved because i have good friends, listened to a indigo de souza album and uhh ?, made dinner!! LIKE!!!!!!!!!!!??
• september 26th, 2023 · i'm tired of begging for the things that i want, got so stressed with my ex-boss i'm ghosting her, job interview tomorrow and it surprisingly didn't make me anxious, worked while organizing listography, ate yesterday dinner's leftovers
• september 27th, 2023 · feeling guilty over always waking up in a bad mood, had a job interview and got praises 🥺🥺, starbucks' strawberry refresher, walked around the mall for hours until my mom and aunt were done with my aunt's doc appointment, bought my green hair dye woo
• september 28th, 2023 · why are 13 year olds like that, ate a whey protein bar and it made my stomach act up lmao, spent hours trying to download iu's concert in 1080p since i only have it in 720p, worked a little, valo with tanji and lulu
• september 29th, 2023 · made lunch but didn't eat, listened to panchiko's demo tapes (how can it be so bad) and morly's discography (not what i expected at all?), played valo with tanji, worked (and i finally have leftover money!!!), pizza for dinner
• september 30th, 2023 · played valo with luana arthur tanji and yke (btw hes making me so upset!!!!), had a discord call with lara to humiliate her in tetrio, we listened to olivia rodrigo's new album and lorde's melodrama together, cake and snacks because i can't stand eating anything, youtube to distract myself
• october 1st, 2023 · slept in, cake and coffee, valo with tanji, listened to deerhunter's "microcastle", made dinner and watched kitchen nightmares + youtube
• october 2nd, 2023 · had an awful sleep (it seems that i still have to take a lot of meds which sucks), lunch at lunch time!!! impressive!!, worked, played valo with tanji, wrote and made dinner
• october 3rd, 2023 · i adopted two yellow kittens and cried like a baby, played valo with tanji, worked, no lunch but i made and ate dinner (had honey chicken yum yum), kitchen nightmares (i'm so excited bc i'm finally nearing s6's finale and YA KNOW!!!!!!)
• october 4th, 2023 · barely slept, worked and bought a few things from my wishlist finally, had to order lunch, valo with tanji, feeling dull because of my psychiatrist appointment tomorrow and because i miss yke...
• october 5th, 2023 · doctor changed my meds and i just hope i'll be fine this time, vented to my friends about what had been happening, slept all afternoon because i woke up at five, don't know how to feel yet
• october 6th, 2023 · no side effects to the new meds!! nice!!, slept okay (woke up once), watched the amy's baking episode from KN and was kind of disappointed??, made dinner, listened to big thief's "two hands"
• october 7th, 2023 · was a zombie today's morning bc i didn't take the meds properly, went to buy new tile flooring for the house w mom, this video made me cry, work, idk what else
• october 8th, 2023 · very sleepy - still trying to adjust the dosage of my sleeping meds, VALO SUNDAY WITH THE GANG, ordered a burger for dinner, kitchen nightmares, tetrio
• october 9th, 2023 · lots of noise and stress because of the new flooring, finally dewormed the kitties, valo with tanji, work, started listening to a bethânia album but couldn't finish it because i can't concentrate
• october 10th, 2023 · i think i'm finally getting the sleeping meds dosage just right, stomachache in the morning made me almost pass out, unsatisfying valo with arthur luana and tanji, mom brought me cake because i was craving sugar, wish i could throw my phone in the trash
• october 11th, 2023 · slept okay!! woohoo!!! improvements!!, the wooden box i ordered for storing my letters in arrived today, i hate my family lol, i'm really hoping lithium will magically fix me, proud of myself no matter what
• october 12th, 2023 · slept fine but was sad because of yesterday, valo with luana before she went to work (bought a skin...), played tetrio while waiting for the Construction Noises outside to finish, sushi for dinner, watched drew on cody's podcast
• october 13th, 2023 · lazy but not depressed-lazy, slept all afternoon, played the bootleg overcooked from discord with lara + putt party (aka festa de puta), valo by myself because the sublime skin is amazing i don't even mind being alone, watched a jonestown doc
• october 14th, 2023 · went to the beach after god knows how long (w/ julie - i like the sea but not the beach experience as a whole), i think lithium is giving me brain fog, slept all afternoon, listened to a wave to earth ep, sugar cravings
• october 15th, 2023 · woke up with cramps, lithium's dry mouth side effect was horrible today, mom made brazilian dutch pie, played valo w luana and had a specifically horrible match but that didn't kill our vibe (sunglasses emoji), went to sleep late but happy...
• october 16th, 2023 · worked a little, ended up not eating lunch (or anything other than a burger and pie lmao), played valo with luana before she went to work, felt unsettled so i just slept all day, got up to take a shower and watch drew on cody's podcast
• october 17th, 2023 · was sad and stressed for the whole morning because my brothers made the house dirty, mouth is still dry as fuck, played valo with luana, ate properly, sugar cravings (left unsatisfied)
• october 18th, 2023 · slept too much, played valo with luana after lunch until we both had to work, went up a rank in tetrio!!, mcdonalds for dinner, i think lithium is doing its job :)
• october 19th, 2023 · went out with mom to shop for a new tv and couch (still uncertain about it), finally able to give my cats their super premium food and i'm a lot more relieved now, supermarket trip (they're selling NARUTO APPLES now), snacks at the bakery, oatmeal
• october 20th, 2023 · woke up depressed and made it even worse by relapsing, when i'm sad i always want to be with strangers, played valo with tanji, listened to basement's album and it doesn't sound as good as it did when i was 17, my sea
• october 21st, 2023 · mom made me coffee and hotel california played on the radio as soon as i got up, ofc she couldn't help but make me depressed, brain fog, completely ignoring my phone, barely ate
• october 22nd, 2023 · watched fantano's interview of adrianne, keep wishing i could write, played valo by myself, ordered pizza for dinner, literally nothing happened and i don't want anything to happen
• october 23rd, 2023 · my brother's on the red again (we went to the hospital twice), bought our new couch and tv, stress cleaned the house, sat staring at nothing for an hour while listening to adrianne's songs, oatmeal for dinner
• october 24th, 2023, mom's birthday · woke up with a sore throat (pretty sure it's just bc of lithium's dry mouth side effect), listened to black midi's schlagenheim, bought mom a lot of sushi with the money i saved!!!, worked, got started on ghost files FINALLY
• october 25th, 2023 · listened to a thundercat album + a chico buarque one, valo with luana and later with tanji, mom bought churros, work, ghost files
• october 26th, 2023 · felt sick all day so i just pretended to exist while watching jenny's videos
• october 27th, 2023 · same as yesterday - finished her vampire diaries' video, had to order lunch, pain medication made me sleepy, ordered burger for dinner, started another jenny video (the dear evan hansen one)
• october 28th, 2023 · finished jenny's video and drew posted one so i win today youtube-wise, i thinking i'm feeling emotionally blunted, played valo with tanji, brownies and schweppes, anxious about tomorrow
• october 29th, 2023 · had an exam early morning - a lot of brain fog after i was done, slept all afternoon until the cats woke me up, feeling guilty because i'm so emotionally blunted i don't wanna talk to anyone, valo alone and tetrio alone, listened to mount eerie's dawn and was underwhelmed
• october 30th, 2023 · this is getting harder to complete everyday, i've been waking up crying consistenly?, bought clothes, worked while playing tetrio, anhedonia
• october 31st, 2023 · every single fucking day i try to roll my eyes and breathe, turns out talking to people is actually? good?!??!?!?, had to order lunch again, played valo (arthur luana AND carlos after so long - not to be cheesy but fuck), noodles for dinner
• november 1st, 2023 · less stressed today, made myself lunch, mom bought acarajé for dinner, played valo with tanji and yke (why do we keep playing this god awful game - yke wasn't on VC but it was nice to play w him), listened to cleo sol's rose in the dark
• november 2nd, 2023 · house cleaning in the morning, valo with luana before we both had to work, started my re-listen of the beatles' discography, coincidentally 'now and then' was released and i cried until my throat hurt, valo with tanji later at night
• november 3rd, 2023 · still on my "i'm working on being kinder when i'm angry" bullshit, slept all day, forgot to work, played valo with tanji until we were on the brink of insanity, made dinner
• november 4th, 2023 · maybe i'll always be a little bit sad. oh and i started watching the baddiesmp streams they're funny.
• november 5th 2023 · bitter i didn't get to do the national exams bc i forgot to enroll lmao, slept throughout lunch, played valo with tanji all fucking day and it was SHIT every single round, grape fanta and chips for dinner, just sat on my lazy ass tbh <3
• november 6th, 2023 · woke up fine and had breakfast, had a sudden burst of anxiety that put me to bed until late afternoon, ate snacks coffee and pudding w mom, stressed out bc of the cats, worked while playing valo w tanji
• november 7th, 2023 · don't remember much just played valo w tanji luana and yke, made lunch, worked, finished a columbine doc (i dislike being into TC now - it makes me way too sensitive - but it's the only thing distracting enough), my reflexes are so slow and i feel like a sloth
• november 8th, 2023 · woke up depressed (read my messages and felt like dying), ordered food for lunch, went to pick up my medication but the place was closed, vented to my friends and fought the urge to not regret it after, worked played tetrio valo yadda yadda
• november 9th, 2023 · watched scott pilgrim with tanji, made dinner, worked, went to pick up my meds, depressed
• november 10th, 2023 · started sending job applications diligently again, worked, gave rubber soul a re-listen, coffee and cake, mcdonalds was my only meal of the day don't look at me.......
• november 11th, 2023 · what even
• november 12th, 2023 · i wish eating was real
• november 13th, 2023 · cookies and coffee, work, red velvet's comeback album (didn't really like most of it sadly), bought a few gifts, valo w tanji

things are tough and writing things every day is getting tough as well! it's going into the archive for now. may come back someday <3 thanks if anyone read my silly little every day lazies