apr 2020

• the decay of an illusion is a blessing
• nothing else i wanna do but drink beer on our balcony tonight and watch the midnight gospel (or sister act 2)
• wallowing in this unrequited love for crystal methyd on rupaul's drag race
• it's been a week and my love for crystal elizabeth methyd grows fonder and fonder, my heart is longing!!!
• help me

may 2021

• there goes my plane and here comes the wind and here are our bodies, left to sink. these ideas didn't come from me. i had read plato's symposium the summer before junior year, and he said that human beings used to be completely round, but because we were too wicked, the gods cut us in half, and so we spend the entirety of our lives looking for our other half. the most important figure of western philosophy told me that love made you whole
• i wanna be a conduit for healing
• saw a woman in leopard coat, resplendent like margot tenenbaum. but she can never be margot! in a single glance, her eyes reveal all her secrets
• rewatching the history boys in preparation for french school tomorrow. it's a bit crude but it says some marvelous things about history, learning and education and it's just genuinely a good movie
• i love love love under milk wood by dylan thomas (lol who cares)
• we just finished the circle: france and we miss them already!!! romain and valeria were super cute and i had to rewatch their face à face a couple of times after! espece du patate douce!
• johnny and i cried over the salvador, brazil episode of street food: latin america. the audacity! and in front of our sushi
• johnny bought me a little life in paperback for our 7th year + 3 months, and idk what he's trying to say, does he want me to suffer???
• we attended our scheduled family planning seminar this morning and honestly it could've been a 10-page booklet! i applaud the attempt to "be" progressive but still keeping their traditional belief system and shoving it down our throat is like pushing a book through a keyhole
• bought the rainymood app specifically to accompany this simon and garfunkel song
• come to laugh, come to cry, come to terms

june 2021

• bits of magic: end scene of nights in cabiria, merry go round song in howl's moving castle, a case of you scene in practical magic
• resuscitated my old personal twitter just for writing short metaphors about my day. i'm bad at documenting but i do not want to forget so that'll do
• i'm halfway through my reread of the big crunch by pete hautman and i'm falling in love with wes again, and, for some reason, jerry preuss reminds me of the silly jerry lewis
• we got a stuffed fox today. picked him up and we were emotionally attached almost immediately. we came up with a long list of names and we've narrowed it down to darwin, carrot or cosmo?
• CARROT IT IS
• where do thoughts go when you lose them?
• i think you know how to love better than any of us, that’s why you find it all so painful. damn, fleabag’s dad stuttering throughout the entire show only to gut us in the end
• cleaning the entire house to grupo medusa's album is a new kind of productive. also it reminds me of the craft/ cooking shows on stv6
• finally finished reading pierre and jean by guy de maupassant in french yesterday for practice. took me a while but here we are, suffered in english, suffered in french
• there’s an interesting course on indigenous people’s rights in columbia university that i’ve been eyeing
• got my period and all i wanna do is watch oda mae brown bitch on ghost. also, johnny cooked sopas for me, walked a mile to buy me chocolates and paid for my criterion channel subscription and i get a pms pass for saying his thumb looks like a television from the 60s
• how nice poverty looks in retrospect -art garfunkel
• we finished lupin season 2 today and when jacques dutronc started singing gentleman cambrioleur in the last episode and i kept screaming "jacques dutronc! finalement! c'est parfait! c'est parfait!" i've never felt like such a loser. also, thoughts: the execution was too much but fell flat and underwhelming towards the end. i wanted him to connect his apple watch to a mic so everyone could hear "the truth", i wanted all the info guedira accumulated from the jewish lamp projected instead of him mouthing "the truth", the macho macho fight with pascal was unnecessary and they left things hanging for him and juliette which i'm guessing is an indication that there'll be a season 3. if you really think about it, the final plan sucked, all benjamin ferel did was close the curtains lol. it was just too loose like a sloppy joe instead of a well-assembled turkey sub sandwich oop awful analogy sorry anyway to wrap up, not as good as season 1
• i don't like sexist chauvinist frank sinatra anymore but whenever he sings witchcraft i feel like he's trying to woo me back lmao
• read on reporterre today that an enterprise started making flour out of larvae and use them to feed animals and are now in the process of making them available for human consumption! finally! obviously they're not vegan but it's a much better option, if not for every day consumption, at least for protein replacements (think protein shakes, food substitute for the protein deficient especially in poorer countries, etc.) not only is it the answer to less animal suffering, it's also good for the environment (saves water and significantly reduce greenhouse gas emissions), an efficient feed conversion and rich in protein (think gorillas!)
• understanding makes the mind lazy —edmund brundish, the bookshop

july 2021

• took my herbalism to the next level by weaving it with astrology. this is the only path i see clear
• to rebel against the new storm of tourists and not being able to have a seat at our fave resto, we walked miles and miles and (re)discovered a few things in our city: we found astragalus, crysanthemums and other herbs at a new chinese convenience store, a new chinese restaurant we now love and long for, our old apartment circa 2015 and the new stores surrounding it, our old house where we used to rent a room and seeing the evil omen child we used to live with all grown up, eating sweet chips on a curb an all-time favorite pastime! fun day, i don't wanna forget
• eyes hurt for a week looking at a screen for too long and ended up reading six books! this is my reminder of that week and to always manage digital time
• my dreams have been about childhood longing lately

august 2021

• i lost my instagram account
• shopped this month away, it's ludicrous. and now i lost my herbal groove
• decided to see a dietician to work with my bloating and brain fog
• 28th, we had one of our frolicking around an old neighborhood saturday and we ended up in upper brookside, got stuck in the rain with food delivery guys for a while, climbed up our old residence and saw someone kill a snake with a rock and found ourselves back in my college house where i met a lot of people and i miss it so much and there's a lump in my throat for braving not to cry and we capped it off at 7/11 where i got candied worms for all time's sake
• been spending saturday midnights online with matthew wood!!! learning about herbs and energetics
• also finally started learning the good good with my favorite teacher herbalist, sarah corbett, in her seasonal medicine collective
• decided to exercise one day after a long break from lacking motivation. turned on marshall fitness and just started crying

march 2022

• we got covid in jan/ feb and my anxiety is through the roof i'm taking xanax like a gummy bear now
• this is my reminder that i've had 673 panic attacks in a month and i didn't die, BE STRONG I CAN DO IT
• we've been going to the gym since september, my ass is tight
• just got home from manila after a visit from my sister in switz, so much to say about that trip but right now all i wanna write about is how much fun i've had with the husb during our last night and decided that bgc is too crowded and not to spend so much anymore so we walked a mile only to find a familymart with onigiris and electrolytes and dunkin donuts beside it and we ate on the curb as usual listening to the live music playing at the ampitheatre and then we got a cab back to our cheap hotel and watched an episode of reacher as a nightcap