✧ — a lot of this is out of context but i think that makes it funnier. from the archives of my personal discord channel, # nyc-sewers

• "little monkey calms down" me when i eat my first meal of the day at 4 pm and suddenly my existence is no longer irreversibly cursed and scorned by god
• l + ratio + no jewel-encrusted epilogue outfit that costs 7007 souls + can't shapeshift + no political sway or great wealth + shooting blanks + docile
• email anxiety is crazy because why am i google translating merci beaucoup before i send it to my quebecois professor
• case of the day is this guy who was at a hockey game and got mad so he threw a jar of peanut butter he had for some reason at the ice but he couldn't throw it hard enough and it hit a woman in the front row
• babe are you ok you're looking at the faithful dogs page on wikipedia again
• bro named and gendered his motorcycle. modern men long to be a salty seadog with their named vessel cruising the high seas saying "thar she blows"
• dude sorry to hannibal post on main but this show is so crazy one second you're like "aw hannibal petting a sheep thats nice" and then a guy crawls out of a dead fucking horse
• yk the character design is fire when one of the first autofill results is character name gender
• (gif of paddington bear in the rain sniffling) me arriving at my 8 am psychology exam walking in the rain running on a cup of instant coffee and a singular bite of oatmeal
• men driving around in circles art #slay
• my brother and i were playing this horror demo yesterday and while we were split up in a dark building i heard him in the distance on prox chat going "AAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAA—" and at the bottom of my screen i just see new creature discovered!
• is somebody gonna match my freak (putting my middle-aged law prof onto deftones)
• "based socko" average lecture with my intro to criminology prof who is very bad at concealing the fact that he's a socialist
• silence wip, new art idea is talking
• i find the saddest wettest man in any given piece of media and stick to him like glue
• in a truly unsurpassed display of clownery i just realized i wore one half of two different pairs of combat boots today
• i feel like the duality of man is well described by me reblogging gifs of tyler durden and then writing an essay analyzing him as a physical manifestation of the id in freud's psychoanalytic theory
• ethical dynamics of looking fly as hell
• (picture of my hamster looking very cute) the beast is demonic in nature
• idc if you said you want a c+ on this project i will DRAG US kicking and screaming to an a+
• shout out the dude taking a nap on a couch on campus at noon with a paper coffee cup in hand. same lil bro
• i fuckign love nine inch nails i want to (blender gif)
• 1261 words deep, tears running down my face, biting and chewing, punching holes in the wall, ripping my hair out . but we ball
• i am waiting for the day that god will humble me for my hubris-fuelled procrastination and thus far that day has not come
• in my restless dreams i see that dog (i was, in fact, referring to the dunkaroos kangaroo which i couldn't remember the origin of)
• my friend is telling me about how one of her friends likes whiplash and he listens to like trap remixes of the audio with his pfp as andrew neiman yelling so "we might get along" like idk how to explain to you i like that movie in a depressed music nerd way not in annoying sigma dude bro way sry

bonus:

• s: "why must we die" because the finite nature of our lives makes these special moments more worthwhile "what, uno?" exactly
• s, overtaken with rage: "YOU HAVE NOT BEEN THOROUGH IN YOUR ANALYSIS!!!"
• a: "in my ford f150 in my ford f150. it's like one of them matroyshkers"
• j: "i'm really proud of how i killed that child."
• (sounds of semi truck approaching) s: "my son? my son? MY SON? MY SONNN?!!??!!
• a: "you must wallow." I MUST SWALLOW??? SHEEEEEESH "WALLOW."
• j: "cease the jizz."
• ahoy ladies. j: "set sail for pussy"
• what are the hear me outs that are not human. i'm scared. f: "an awful lot of fish." s: "also a car." OKAY, WELL. have you never looked at a car and ... i'm gonna stop. fish is fucked tho. s: "vel's hear me out is a laferrari. we gottem"
• s: "those are clothings mayneeee"
• stardew valley random name generator is not sending its best. (screenshot of the name box saying "boners") m: "YES it IS"