Wednesday, July 30, 2025

• My weight fluctuated almost 2lbs from yesterday to today. Is it because I had pickles yesterday? A part of me thinks so. A part of me is just pissed off. I need to start going to the gym. The slower loss is just not where it's at.
• On the other hand, it's okay. I am seeing changes. Other people see changes. I am sleeping better. I feel good. I just have to accept that a slow loss is more sustainable than a fast lost.
• It doesn't mean I like it though.

Wednesday, July 23, 2025

• I still haven't gotten my medicine in the mail. FedEx—specifically the driver, Justin—has failed me. Today will be 2 days late. That's if I get it. Let's see if Geoffrey fails me as well.
• Apparently I'm discouraged. BUT I am still not overeating too much. I'm still logging everything even if I don't want to. My weight has gone down a smidge but I think that's just because without the medicine in my system I use the bathroom more. Haha.
• Seriously though, I am worried about dosing now that my estimated level is 4.91mg. It hasn't been that low in a long time. I looked. It's been since April when I first started titrating up. It is still working, definitely, just not as well. I'm worried if I take my regular dose I'm going to have the worst side effects.
• Geoffrey was a real one. I passed him on my way home. The package was sitting on the neighbor’s farm stand. Okay, not exactly where I wanted it but either way I got it. Five stars to Geoffrey and Justin is a little bitch.
• I’m so happy to be back on track.

Monday, July 21, 2025

• I thought I was doing the best. I thought I had one shot left of my 7.5mg. I did not. I had roughly 2.25mg left. Let me just say that this weekend has been a real struggle. I ordered a new vial on Friday. It shipped on Saturday. I should be receiving it today. I got a 60mg vial. We are not doing this struggle again if I can help it.
• Y'all, I have been hungry. I forgot that hunger can hurt. Or, rather, I perceive it as hurt. WTF? I thought something was seriously wrong with me. Nope, I just have this uncontrollable hunger.
• I have been eating like a mad woman too. I have tracked everything though. Every little bit. It sucks. Today (Monday) I'm eating all the apples and such. I should receive my vial today. You best believe I'll be taking my full 7.5mg dose. I don't even care if it was just the 19th when I took it last. There is no way I can go on like this. I feel gross.
• Self-control? Who is she?

Friday, July 4, 2025

• I have lost 50lbs as of today. I can't believe it. It feels like so much and I do feel like this time (I lost 125 previously and gained it back) that I am actually seeing the changes. I am wearing clothes that fit me properly. I see my shape. I see the changes.
• I took a short walk with F the other day since her blood sugar was up and she was sweating and everything by the time we got back but I wasn't. Not even a little bit. How insane.
• I can't wait to see how I feel when I lose more. I already feel pretty good so I can't even imagine!

Tuesday, July 2, 2025

• I ate fast food yesterday. I had a grilled chicken sandwich with 1 honey roasted bbq sauce and a kale side salad. I just so happened to go up afterwards. Maybe it's a coincidence but I doubt it...

Sunday, June 30, 2025

• I lost 11.6lb in June. I'm so pleased with myself. Would it be nice if it were more? Yes, but it wasn't less so I have no reason to complain! I hope that today will be the last time in my life I will ever weigh more than 311lbs. (Well, with the exception of regular fluctuation in the following week!)
• My goal for July is to get below 300lbs.
• Also, I've noticed I sleep easier. I don't think I have as much of a sleep apnea issue. (Not diagnosed, but I used to wake up because I couldn't breathe.) I'm happy to have this change. Hopefully I'll get back to where I don't snore anymore either. Haha. Have to save J from that.

Saturday, June 28, 2025

• Went shopping with my niece. We had a good time. She started to feel a bit iffy towards the middle of the day, after we went to two shops after lunch. We got a drink and went home.
• I bought myself a digital camera. I have a Canon EOS R5 but I really just wanted a cheap point and shoot. I need to sell my canon and lens. I need to pack them up to put them on eBay.

Thursday, June 26, 2025

• After I left work, a man collapsed in the parking lot at the grocery store. I was taking my earbuds out and saw him go down. I went right over to him. I guess I'm one of those people who act. It's good to know.
• After I went over and started asking him how he was suddenly people cared. They had no idea why he was down but they were saying to help him up. WTF? They didn't take note of him having a cane or anything.
• I handed him his cane and he was lifted by three of us. Some woman appeared and said she was going to help him into the car. She was with him, I guess. I'm not sure why an elderly man falling from the heat didn't concern anyone else. Maybe it's because it's what I do?
• After I got my handful of groceries and was getting in my car he waved.

Tuesday, June 24, 2025

• I've accomplished my first quarter goal today. According to Shotsy, the app I use for my tirzepatide shots:
  • Total Change: -46.2lb
  • Percent: -13%
  • Current BMI: 46.3
  • Weekly avg: -2.9/wk
  • Goal progress: 26%
  • To goal: 133.8
• Okay, it doesn't sound like much when you look at my goal now but it was 180lbs. Now it's at 133.8. That's huge! I'm feeling quite proud today.
• I just read this quote and I think it's a good one:
  • "You can't add days to your life, but you can add life to your days."

Monday, June 23, 2025

• *lol* No I didn't go to the gym.
• I did fill in to a visit at a client's house and when I woke him up he was so excited to see me. He reached out his hand, pulled me in for a hug and gave me a kiss on the cheek. He kept telling me how good it is to see me. It's been a few weeks since I last saw him. He also has a memory impairment that makes him remembering me significant.

Sunday, June 22, 2025

• It's okay to not finish the food. So what if the calories you logged aren't 100% accurate? No big deal. It all comes out in the wash.
• I am giving myself grace today but tomorrow I need to go to the gym. Maybe in the morning?! If I get up at 6am, I can arrive there by 6:30am, work out for 30-45 minutes, and then get home by 7:30/7:45am to get ready for work. It sounds like a good idea!

Thursday, June 19, 2025

• Met up with my middle school / high school best friend for dinner. We hadn't spoken in years. I arrived before her. We met at the door and she hunged me for ages. I'm not really a hugger since I'm self conscious of my size. She was like, "And you're still taller than me." It's not like I was going to shrink, thankfully.
• After we were seated she had to message her wife to let her know I wasn't some crazy person and I was actually me. It was nice!

Tuesday, June 17, 2025

• Oh what a way to start my day! I am down on the scale which tells me my issue was probably water weight from the junk / excess sodium I was eating.
• Also I have a flat tire. Yay! I am sitting in the tire place waiting and they don’t know how long it’ll take. I’m working at the same time. It’s awful. 😂
• I tried on a 4XL shirt I ordered from Amazon and it was snug. WTH? I think I'm going to return it and the one I got that was identical to it. Maybe I got too cocky after LB fitting well.

Monday, June 16, 2025

• I was on vacation from work last week. I didn't eat like I would usually. I didn't lose but I didn't really gain either. I maintained but that's not really the goal here. I'm kinda' disappointed. I don't know what it was that made me so darn hungry! If this keeps up I will be considering uping my tirzepatide. I am currently at 7.5mg.
• My former best friend from high school reached out on FB. She wants to go out to dinner on Thursday. I'm excited! I'm also going to pick up a project with F tomorrow after work. Where did this social me come from?!

Saturday, June 7, 2025

• I am making progress! I'm not sure if my goal is 180lbs or 160lbs. If My goal is 180lbs then I'm actually already 22.3% of the way to my goal. If my goal is 160lbs then I'm 20.1% of the way to my goal. That's crazy.
• If my goal is 180lb then I still have 139.8lb to lose and if it's 160lb then I have 159.8lb to lose. It sounds like a ton but at the same time, I've lost 40.2lb in the past 3 months.

Friday, May 23, 2025

• I have officially lost 10% of my weight today. I'm 19% of the way to my goal. How many days has it been? I checked. 81 days. It has been 81 days of tracking and injections. I feel good. I think I'm doing okay. I think I need to get back to the gym now that the scale is moving more to my satisfaction. I'm happy.
• I won't be making it to 300 by my birthday (a personal goal) but ya' know what? That's okay. I'm going to get there!

Monday, April 28, 2025

• I had a moment last night where it really hit me. All I think I really want from life is to be a mother but there's something about making J a father that makes me feel like it would complete everything. Mind you, we've been together for years. He wants kids. Like four of them and I want at least one. I think that's really the reason I want to do all of this. I want to make him a father.

Saturday, April 26, 2025

• I binged for the first time in nearly two months. I cannot do 7 days between shots. I cannot be trusted at this time. I went to bed feeling so sick. I'm disappointed in myself but I know it will pass and this is just one day.

Thursday, April 24, 2025

• F and I went to paint pottery again today and pick up our last projects. I did the cutest little mug with lavender sprigs on it. I cannot wait to get it back next week. I look forward to this every week. We had the best time.

Monday, April 21, 2025

• I'm at 337.8 today. I'm excited. I wonder if I was holding on to a lot of fluid because of exercising. *shrug* I haven't been to the gym in like a week and I haven't gained anything. I'm sitting in the office and typing away on my computer. Work feels like a lot today and I'm looking forward to being done. Feeling quite hungry today as well which is crazy since I took 7.5mg of tirzepatide yesterday. I should be good to go. Actually, it might be working because thinking about it, I had not even a whole container of cantaloupe this morning for breakfast. Interesting!
• The Pope passed away today. Because of Easter it feels significant. I mean, it's the Pope, of course it is but it feels like "more". I'm not sure if I'm religious. I pray

Sunday, April 20, 2025

• Happy Easter!
• Y'all, we're still going down. Slowly but surely and I'm so, so excited. I also took my first 7.5mg today.

Saturday, April 19, 2025

• WERE GOING DOWN! Again. I'm so, so excited, you can't even imagine. It's only at 338.8lb but it's another day down. I've been stalled for so long that it's really bugged me. And my dad was even questioning yesterday if I'm still losing weight or if my tirzepatide is even working. I explained that it definitely is because I'm not as hungry and I can't eat as much.
• I didn't go to the gym yesterday and I went to sleep at my usual time and woke up at around 6:30am. Maybe sleep is a big deal for me. I'm not as young as I once was and could run on less sleep. Either way!
• J sent me flowers today. They're a lovely blue and white Easter bouquet. I'm such a lucky girl and so loved. <3

Friday, April 18, 2025

• It moved! The scale has finally started to move even if just a little bit. I've decided to try to sleep better/more, eat more home cooked meals, and I'm going to focus on going to the gym every other day for a bit. I think I have to give my body time to adjust? I didn't do that before. But seriously I'm so stoked that my scale has moved. I also ordered one of those smart tape measures where it logs your measurements automatically. I'm going to be logging all the metrics I can. Changes are going to be made!

Thursday, April 17, 2025

• I don't understand. I have never in my life had this much trouble actually moving the scale. I'm stalling in the low 340s. THERE IS NO REASON. I track my calories. I don't just track them I weigh my food to the tenth of a gram. I did go over on Tuesday but that shouldn't have such lasting effects. My weight hasn't moved since April 3rd. Why?!
• A part of me hopes it's balancing out, like I just happen to be moving enough to start building up some muscle that it's causing the scale to stall but what the actual fuck. I know it's just wishful thinking.
• Maybe it's my sleep? I don't know. I'm going to try that and making more of my food at home. Maybe there's just been too much variation. I'm so discouraged but I refuse to quit. I want to live and be a mother. Stopping now won't help me accomplish that.
• I also just realized I should be tracking my changes through measurements too. That's a no-brainer. The scale may not be changing but maybe my body is? I'm ordering a measuring tape.

Wednesday, April 16, 2025

• The scale went up. Not surprised after yesterday. It was 100% worth it, even though I woke up feeling terrible because of what I had eaten. That's okay though. These days will happen. As long as we don't make it a habit.
• J called me his "first and most special wife". It was from a joke where he told a spammer that he was hoping to find his 6th wife. I don't think he wants to get married in the future but I like to think about it... I even have a dress that I always think, "Hm, I'd really like to get married in that dress." It's a size 10. I bought it I liked it that well. Maybe it will be a dream come true? I would like to have someone say, "I want her to be mine always." I'm a dreamer!
• I went to the gym. I walked for 31 minutes. I didn't want to but I did. It's not much but it'll add up hopefully.

Tuesday, April 15, 2025

• Work went well! Everything got done. I got to spend a lot of time in the office with C. and F. It was honestly fun.
• After work F and I went to paint pottery and honestly it was so much fun. We talked and we laughed. Then we went to Olive Garden and I ate way, way too much. We were out until after 10pm. I'm old y'all and I had to work today so that's late. I can't wait to do it again!

Monday, April 14, 2025

• I am still not losing weight this is bullshit. Seriously. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. It is a thermodynamic impossiblity that I am eating in a deficit and the scale not budging.
• Work was horrific. Three people were out. We had to find coverage as best as we could.
• I finally went to the gym. I walked for 30 minutes. It was okay. I pushed it a bit more there at the end and when I was finished I was actually starting to sweat.

Sunday, April 13, 2025

• Went to HomeGoods and Ulta with K. Then we went to Texas Roadhouse for lunch. I got a Rangers Meal with broccoli. I also ate a roll. It was a good, relaxing day. J. and I finished our book.
• I didn't go to the gym tonight.

Saturday, April 12, 2025

• I didn't go to the gym last night (or the night before) so I woke up feeling a bit guilty. I was tired. I slept. It was good. I was 339.4lb when I weighed myself. You know I only weigh myself naked and after I've peed. I was pleased. My weight had been going up for a few days for no reason and I was not liking it. But today I am feeling some relief. I was able to update my Weight Loss Tracker!
• I had a migraine this afternoon. J. told me to go lay down and he'd put me to sleep. He talked to me until I fell asleep and when I woke up 3 hours later he was snoring softly. I am so fucking lucky.

Friday, April 11, 2025

• Today I'm feeling discouraged. The scale has gone up for no reason. I took a day off from the gym yesterday to see if that would help the scale move and it did, it went down 1.6lb. But seriously, WTH? What am I not doing right? I mean, I know logically this happens. I've lost 125lbs before. But this, it feels like it should be easier or at least dropping faster. UGH!