Friday, October 10, 2025

• I'm at 282lb! Y'all, this is like 78lbs down. Halfway is 90lbs. I'm 12lbs away from being at 50% of my goal. 12lbs is nothing at my weight. I'm wearing a fitted shirt today that when I got it was tight—I had to wear a cardigan with it. Today, I was looking in the mirror at work and it can move a bit around me. There's some room. Like, it fits well.
• I'll be honest with you, all this feels like magic. Like all I have to do is make good food choices and wait it out and it's just happening.

Wednesday, October 8, 2025

• I need to figure something out. Something needs to change.

Monday, October 6, 2025

• I'm down to 284lb this morning. How? I'm only 24lb away from 100lbs lost. That is insane. Great, but still insane.
• F called me this morning. She isn't feeling well and she sent me a photo. She looks grey. Her mother is going to get her to take her to the Labor Hall to be checked out. This is scary and I'm praying everything is okay. UPDATE: She was fine!

Monday, September 29, 2025

• I started making TikTok videos. The first two are doing really well. It's just like moody aesthetic stuff, I guess. I think it's fun.
• I'm not losing. I think it's because I haven't been super strict with my eating but also yesterday's soup that I made was really salty. Water weight? I don't care. We'll just keep at it until we get there.
• I've also noticed that moving up to 10mg every 7 days is working better for me than 7.5 every 5 days. Funny how that is. I'll stick with the 7 day schedule as I don't get as itchy from all the injections. Although, I will say that this is a new company I'm using so maybe their stuff is just better? It's definitely cheaper!
• I want to note some measurements as well. My hips are at 56.8" as of Saturday, that's -6.2". My waist is at 47" as of Saturday, that's -4.5". And my neck is at 16.2", which is -1.2". I also measured my bust on Saturday and my underbust is at 48". I need to get smaller bras. That's about -4" since I started (adios back fat). I may not be moving much on the scale but boy does taking those measurements make a difference!

Thursday, September 25, 2025

• Went to the aquarium with F. It's her birthday tomorrow. We had a great time. I definitely over ate but we had a great time.

Wednesday, September 24, 2025

• I find myself sitting at my desk and feeling my collar bones. Now, don't get me wrong, they are still hidden under my fat but I can feel them and I've never seen them before. Isn't that strange? I've never seen my own collar bones and I want to so badly.

Tuesday, September 23, 2025

• According to my Shotsy app I'm already 39% of the way to my goal. I'm over a third of the way there. My weight has changed 20%. My starting weight is 360lb and today I am 289.4lb. That's -70.6.
• What is 70lbs equal to?
  • The average weight of a golden retriever.
  • 10 to 11 domestic cats.
  • The standard punching bag.
  • A large bag of cement
  • 14 5-lb bags of sugar (!)
  • The average 11 / 12 year old.
  • 280 sticks of butter.
• It's funny but I can't really feel much of a difference but I can see it in some ways. I do have a sore back today for no reason though. Blah.

Friday, September 19, 2025

• This is incredibly embarrasing for me to put to words but I think I am a food addict who has stopped eating as much and so my "addiction" has transferred to something else. I've noticed I've been spending too much money. Way more than I want to be spending and I've been liking using my credit cards. I need to make changes.
• I am going to make a debt tracker like my Weight Loss Tracker to track paying everything off. I'll keep those under "ongoing".
• I also want to make a tracker to keep track of when I eat out vs. making my own food. That's a huge expense for me too suprisingly.

Monday, September 15, 2025

• I don't know if you look at my Weight Loss Tracker list or my Weight a Minute! list but I'm still losing and I'm happy as can be.
• I went to a client this morning and I was working and he said, "Did you lose weight?" I said,"I have! Looking better?" Which, now that I think of it, is weird to ask a 60+ year old man but he's not that way. He said yeah. He said he's losing weight too and I was sort of stuck there on what to say since he has cancer... He's wonderful though. I was filling in for a caregiver and he said most girls won't get down there in front of me like that (during personal care). I just said, "Now, if I knew you were weird then I wouldn't do it but I've known you for long enough now that I know you're definitely not that way." He just laughed. He said I was the best caregiver he's had in a while. I told him I'm special so they keep me in the office and I only get to come out for special occassions.
• I found out my tiny town that I work in has a small Orthodox congregation. I literally cried. I was always so religious and I felt like Orthodoxy was the true church but we didn't have one around here. Apparently we do now and I never knew it. I am stoked like you have no idea. It's going to upset J but I have to. I at least need to go and try it for myself. I need to see if I feel anything.
• Also, yesterday I went out for some me time to look at clothing since I had a feeling I could go into a smaller size. Well, I tried them and it's not for me just yet. I'm still a 22/24 for now. I could put on the 18/20's at Lane Bryant and they were just more snug than I would like. I ended up buying two pairs of leggings and a Harper Georgette 3/4 sleeve top in Kentucky Blue at Torrid. The top is a 4 (I have one like it that's a 5, it is oversized on purposed but a 3 definitely didn't fit...). I like it for more of a lagenlook type style. I wear it with black leggings and black flats.

Friday, September 12, 2025

• I picked up my bicycle yesterday! She's lovely. I can't wait to go for a ride. I haven't had a chance to just yet but I'm so excited to. I'm definitely going to take at least one ride this weekend. I'm thinking just going down on the road that I live on (I'm out in the country) and riding there might be the best idea.
• I'm also down in weight. I'm not sure why but I'm not complaining. Actually, I do know why now that I thought about it. I started that medicine from the new company and holy shit is it strong. I'm consistently nauseous now. Not like, I'm going to be sick kind of nauseous but my stomach is like, "I'd hesitate to have anything right now." I'm getting full really quickly. I'm not complaining. This is how it was when I first started the medicine so I'm not sure if it's just a different maker or what. Maybe it is? I wasn't really having any side effects before except if I ate too much sugar or carbs too close to bed I'd wake up with sulphur burps. Gross. I know. But true!

Wednesday, September 10, 2025

• I took 10mg yesterday from this new company. I'm nervous but excited. I upped my dose so that I go back to taking it every 7 days. I think that will help my having places on my stomach that are sore and itchy. One of those fun side effects no one tells you about. It sounds worse than it is, it's just irritation.
• My bicycle is finished and ready for pickup now. I'll go get it tomorrow since I finish work at 3pm. Then I'm going to plan to go on a bike ride. Yay!
• I've also decided to start wearing more "British Countryside" fashion. J is really into it and it's probably his favorite style, being British and all that. I'm looking for nice sweaters for the cooler weather and this sort of triggered that. Will I be able to pull it off? Probably not well but it looks cozy and I'm working on my body / health. I hope to be in "normal" sizes soon enough, things you can find in the store. Right now I'm like a 22/24 top and a 24 bottom. I'm definitely turning into a pear shape but that might just be how I'm losing weight currently.
• My weight was the same two days in a row and didn't go up. Hell yeah! I thought it was stalled but if I look back at the data, my weight hasn't been too inconsistent like I thought. It's actually going down but slowly. I'm excited to see how some exercise changes that!
• I forgot to document that it turns out I don't snore anymore. Losing weight made a big difference for me. I guess I am sleeping better overall.

Tuesday, September 9, 2025

• I was supposed to take my shot 3 days ago. I haven't. I thought I had another dose but I didn't. I ordered from a new store that had good reviews but their shipping takes ages. I got 120mg for the same price as 60mg at my usual place. It's worth a shot!
• I still have it in my system but I think I was expecting too much of it before and wanting it to do all the work for me. I am supposed to get my new shipment today and I'm nervous but excited!
• Also, I am in another stall. It worked out okay last time and I dropped about 10lbs in short order. Hopefully that happens again. Especially since I should be getting my bicycle soon!

Wednesday, September 3, 2025

• I did something! I bought myself a bicycle. I have been so jealous of people I see cycling for a while that I finally had to do it. I'm really excited and I'll have to figure out where to cycle. I want to be healthy so fucking bad but I actually enjoy being active and I think I'll be okay on my own. I usually hate doing things on my own but no one else wants to.
• I am doing this for me, and to be honest, I'm kinda' getting into doing things by myself. I went to a museum, out to a book store, and to lunch by myself last weekend and I felt like I was living. I don't know how to explain it but I wasn't merely existing, I was taking an active part in my day. It was wonderful.

Wednesday, August 27, 2025

• I am squarely in the 290's now. It's been a week. Have I gone down? Ha. No. But I'm still under 300lbs! I am looking at bicycles though autumn has arrived. I want to do something active and statistically doing this will increase my happiness apparently. I hate the gym and if I get this I think I'm going to see if I can lose a few pounds or tone up some before winter's arrival.
• I am stressing over the bike though because one, yeah, I want it to be super cute but also I'm a fatty and I don't want to break it. Haha.

Friday, August 22, 2025

• My weight has gone down again and I seem to be doing better. I'm at 295.6lb today. Who knows though? I'm also notably pear shaped now. It's amusing but I also hate it. I never was before. Maybe this is my "grown up" shape or it's just how my body has let go of weight so far. Either way I have less of it on my upper body and that's good for health.
• I'm looking at bicycles. I've wanted one for years and I keep putting it off since I don't have anyone to ride with but why do I need to wait for someone else to live? I don't. How brave and sure of myself I'll seem if I do it all on my own.
• I've been struggling with a lot of depression. I keep feeling like no one is going to save me. I have no one to rely on. I'm just plain sad about it. I feel like I cannot connect with people in the same way others do and it feels like I'm broken. I have considered therapy but I think I'll just try some other things to boost my mood since I am quite self-aware and insightful when it comes to how I feel and why I do things.

Monday, August 11, 2025

• I'm at 303.2lb today. I don't want to talk about it. I'm annoyed. It was poor choices and high sodium food. But either way, wtf?
• Went out all day with my niece on Saturday. We had a great time. Lots of food unfortunately but it was good. I have to make better choices / have better planning moving forward.

Thursday, August 7, 2025

• Oh my goodness. It wasn't a trick. It wasn't a fluke. It wasn't me kidding myself. Today my weight was 299 on the dot. I'm so excited. I'm actually—like for real—below 300lbs. That's 61lbs lost. I'm actually doing this.
• I checked my Shotsy app and I am down 17% with my weight, I'm averaging -2.7lb/wk, and I am already 34% of the way to my goal of 180lbs. It's been 157 days but I feel like it's flown by. I am doing good.

Wednesday, August 6, 2025

• I am working from home today. I have a stomach bug—viral gastroenteritis. I weighed myself at 2am and I was 301.2lb. I weighed myself at 8am and I was 299.8lb. So, you can bet I put down 299.8lb for today's weight. Haha.
• But seriously, if that's correct then I'm below 300. I have no idea how. Well, I hadn't eaten since the day before yesterday. But we shall see!

Saturday, August 2, 2025

• Went to F's gender reveal! She's having a boy. How sweet! Okay, honestly I already knew. She called me on messenger and we found out together on Thursday. Then she surprised her husband later in the day. Was super cute. He was so excited.

Wednesday, July 30, 2025

• My weight fluctuated almost 2lbs from yesterday to today. Is it because I had pickles yesterday? A part of me thinks so. A part of me is just pissed off. I need to start going to the gym. The slower loss is just not where it's at.
• On the other hand, it's okay. I am seeing changes. Other people see changes. I am sleeping better. I feel good. I just have to accept that a slow loss is more sustainable than a fast lost.
• It doesn't mean I like it though.

Wednesday, July 23, 2025

• I still haven't gotten my medicine in the mail. FedEx—specifically the driver, Justin—has failed me. Today will be 2 days late. That's if I get it. Let's see if Geoffrey fails me as well.
• Apparently I'm discouraged. BUT I am still not overeating too much. I'm still logging everything even if I don't want to. My weight has gone down a smidge but I think that's just because without the medicine in my system I use the bathroom more. Haha.
• Seriously though, I am worried about dosing now that my estimated level is 4.91mg. It hasn't been that low in a long time. I looked. It's been since April when I first started titrating up. It is still working, definitely, just not as well. I'm worried if I take my regular dose I'm going to have the worst side effects.
• Geoffrey was a real one. I passed him on my way home. The package was sitting on the neighbor’s farm stand. Okay, not exactly where I wanted it but either way I got it. Five stars to Geoffrey and Justin is a little bitch.
• I’m so happy to be back on track.

Monday, July 21, 2025

• I thought I was doing the best. I thought I had one shot left of my 7.5mg. I did not. I had roughly 2.25mg left. Let me just say that this weekend has been a real struggle. I ordered a new vial on Friday. It shipped on Saturday. I should be receiving it today. I got a 60mg vial. We are not doing this struggle again if I can help it.
• Y'all, I have been hungry. I forgot that hunger can hurt. Or, rather, I perceive it as hurt. WTF? I thought something was seriously wrong with me. Nope, I just have this uncontrollable hunger.
• I have been eating like a mad woman too. I have tracked everything though. Every little bit. It sucks. Today (Monday) I'm eating all the apples and such. I should receive my vial today. You best believe I'll be taking my full 7.5mg dose. I don't even care if it was just the 19th when I took it last. There is no way I can go on like this. I feel gross.
• Self-control? Who is she?

Friday, July 4, 2025

• I have lost 50lbs as of today. I can't believe it. It feels like so much and I do feel like this time (I lost 125 previously and gained it back) that I am actually seeing the changes. I am wearing clothes that fit me properly. I see my shape. I see the changes.
• I took a short walk with F the other day since her blood sugar was up and she was sweating and everything by the time we got back but I wasn't. Not even a little bit. How insane.
• I can't wait to see how I feel when I lose more. I already feel pretty good so I can't even imagine!

Tuesday, July 2, 2025

• I ate fast food yesterday. I had a grilled chicken sandwich with 1 honey roasted bbq sauce and a kale side salad. I just so happened to go up afterwards. Maybe it's a coincidence but I doubt it...

Sunday, June 30, 2025

• I lost 11.6lb in June. I'm so pleased with myself. Would it be nice if it were more? Yes, but it wasn't less so I have no reason to complain! I hope that today will be the last time in my life I will ever weigh more than 311lbs. (Well, with the exception of regular fluctuation in the following week!)
• My goal for July is to get below 300lbs.
• Also, I've noticed I sleep easier. I don't think I have as much of a sleep apnea issue. (Not diagnosed, but I used to wake up because I couldn't breathe.) I'm happy to have this change. Hopefully I'll get back to where I don't snore anymore either. Haha. Have to save J from that.

Saturday, June 28, 2025

• Went shopping with my niece. We had a good time. She started to feel a bit iffy towards the middle of the day, after we went to two shops after lunch. We got a drink and went home.
• I bought myself a digital camera. I have a Canon EOS R5 but I really just wanted a cheap point and shoot. I need to sell my canon and lens. I need to pack them up to put them on eBay.

Thursday, June 26, 2025

• After I left work, a man collapsed in the parking lot at the grocery store. I was taking my earbuds out and saw him go down. I went right over to him. I guess I'm one of those people who act. It's good to know.
• After I went over and started asking him how he was suddenly people cared. They had no idea why he was down but they were saying to help him up. WTF? They didn't take note of him having a cane or anything.
• I handed him his cane and he was lifted by three of us. Some woman appeared and said she was going to help him into the car. She was with him, I guess. I'm not sure why an elderly man falling from the heat didn't concern anyone else. Maybe it's because it's what I do?
• After I got my handful of groceries and was getting in my car he waved.

Tuesday, June 24, 2025

• I've accomplished my first quarter goal today. According to Shotsy, the app I use for my tirzepatide shots:
  • Total Change: -46.2lb
  • Percent: -13%
  • Current BMI: 46.3
  • Weekly avg: -2.9/wk
  • Goal progress: 26%
  • To goal: 133.8
• Okay, it doesn't sound like much when you look at my goal now but it was 180lbs. Now it's at 133.8. That's huge! I'm feeling quite proud today.
• I just read this quote and I think it's a good one:
  • "You can't add days to your life, but you can add life to your days."

Monday, June 23, 2025

• *lol* No I didn't go to the gym.
• I did fill in to a visit at a client's house and when I woke him up he was so excited to see me. He reached out his hand, pulled me in for a hug and gave me a kiss on the cheek. He kept telling me how good it is to see me. It's been a few weeks since I last saw him. He also has a memory impairment that makes him remembering me significant.

Sunday, June 22, 2025

• It's okay to not finish the food. So what if the calories you logged aren't 100% accurate? No big deal. It all comes out in the wash.
• I am giving myself grace today but tomorrow I need to go to the gym. Maybe in the morning?! If I get up at 6am, I can arrive there by 6:30am, work out for 30-45 minutes, and then get home by 7:30/7:45am to get ready for work. It sounds like a good idea!

Thursday, June 19, 2025

• Met up with my middle school / high school best friend for dinner. We hadn't spoken in years. I arrived before her. We met at the door and she hunged me for ages. I'm not really a hugger since I'm self conscious of my size. She was like, "And you're still taller than me." It's not like I was going to shrink, thankfully.
• After we were seated she had to message her wife to let her know I wasn't some crazy person and I was actually me. It was nice!

Tuesday, June 17, 2025

• Oh what a way to start my day! I am down on the scale which tells me my issue was probably water weight from the junk / excess sodium I was eating.
• Also I have a flat tire. Yay! I am sitting in the tire place waiting and they don’t know how long it’ll take. I’m working at the same time. It’s awful. 😂
• I tried on a 4XL shirt I ordered from Amazon and it was snug. WTH? I think I'm going to return it and the one I got that was identical to it. Maybe I got too cocky after LB fitting well.

Monday, June 16, 2025

• I was on vacation from work last week. I didn't eat like I would usually. I didn't lose but I didn't really gain either. I maintained but that's not really the goal here. I'm kinda' disappointed. I don't know what it was that made me so darn hungry! If this keeps up I will be considering uping my tirzepatide. I am currently at 7.5mg.
• My former best friend from high school reached out on FB. She wants to go out to dinner on Thursday. I'm excited! I'm also going to pick up a project with F tomorrow after work. Where did this social me come from?!

Saturday, June 7, 2025

• I am making progress! I'm not sure if my goal is 180lbs or 160lbs. If My goal is 180lbs then I'm actually already 22.3% of the way to my goal. If my goal is 160lbs then I'm 20.1% of the way to my goal. That's crazy.
• If my goal is 180lb then I still have 139.8lb to lose and if it's 160lb then I have 159.8lb to lose. It sounds like a ton but at the same time, I've lost 40.2lb in the past 3 months.

Friday, May 23, 2025

• I have officially lost 10% of my weight today. I'm 19% of the way to my goal. How many days has it been? I checked. 81 days. It has been 81 days of tracking and injections. I feel good. I think I'm doing okay. I think I need to get back to the gym now that the scale is moving more to my satisfaction. I'm happy.
• I won't be making it to 300 by my birthday (a personal goal) but ya' know what? That's okay. I'm going to get there!

Monday, April 28, 2025

• I had a moment last night where it really hit me. All I think I really want from life is to be a mother but there's something about making J a father that makes me feel like it would complete everything. Mind you, we've been together for years. He wants kids. Like four of them and I want at least one. I think that's really the reason I want to do all of this. I want to make him a father.

Saturday, April 26, 2025

• I binged for the first time in nearly two months. I cannot do 7 days between shots. I cannot be trusted at this time. I went to bed feeling so sick. I'm disappointed in myself but I know it will pass and this is just one day.

Thursday, April 24, 2025

• F and I went to paint pottery again today and pick up our last projects. I did the cutest little mug with lavender sprigs on it. I cannot wait to get it back next week. I look forward to this every week. We had the best time.

Monday, April 21, 2025

• I'm at 337.8 today. I'm excited. I wonder if I was holding on to a lot of fluid because of exercising. *shrug* I haven't been to the gym in like a week and I haven't gained anything. I'm sitting in the office and typing away on my computer. Work feels like a lot today and I'm looking forward to being done. Feeling quite hungry today as well which is crazy since I took 7.5mg of tirzepatide yesterday. I should be good to go. Actually, it might be working because thinking about it, I had not even a whole container of cantaloupe this morning for breakfast. Interesting!
• The Pope passed away today. Because of Easter it feels significant. I mean, it's the Pope, of course it is but it feels like "more". I'm not sure if I'm religious. I pray

Sunday, April 20, 2025

• Happy Easter!
• Y'all, we're still going down. Slowly but surely and I'm so, so excited. I also took my first 7.5mg today.

Saturday, April 19, 2025

• WERE GOING DOWN! Again. I'm so, so excited, you can't even imagine. It's only at 338.8lb but it's another day down. I've been stalled for so long that it's really bugged me. And my dad was even questioning yesterday if I'm still losing weight or if my tirzepatide is even working. I explained that it definitely is because I'm not as hungry and I can't eat as much.
• I didn't go to the gym yesterday and I went to sleep at my usual time and woke up at around 6:30am. Maybe sleep is a big deal for me. I'm not as young as I once was and could run on less sleep. Either way!
• J sent me flowers today. They're a lovely blue and white Easter bouquet. I'm such a lucky girl and so loved. <3

Friday, April 18, 2025

• It moved! The scale has finally started to move even if just a little bit. I've decided to try to sleep better/more, eat more home cooked meals, and I'm going to focus on going to the gym every other day for a bit. I think I have to give my body time to adjust? I didn't do that before. But seriously I'm so stoked that my scale has moved. I also ordered one of those smart tape measures where it logs your measurements automatically. I'm going to be logging all the metrics I can. Changes are going to be made!

Thursday, April 17, 2025

• I don't understand. I have never in my life had this much trouble actually moving the scale. I'm stalling in the low 340s. THERE IS NO REASON. I track my calories. I don't just track them I weigh my food to the tenth of a gram. I did go over on Tuesday but that shouldn't have such lasting effects. My weight hasn't moved since April 3rd. Why?!
• A part of me hopes it's balancing out, like I just happen to be moving enough to start building up some muscle that it's causing the scale to stall but what the actual fuck. I know it's just wishful thinking.
• Maybe it's my sleep? I don't know. I'm going to try that and making more of my food at home. Maybe there's just been too much variation. I'm so discouraged but I refuse to quit. I want to live and be a mother. Stopping now won't help me accomplish that.
• I also just realized I should be tracking my changes through measurements too. That's a no-brainer. The scale may not be changing but maybe my body is? I'm ordering a measuring tape.

Wednesday, April 16, 2025

• The scale went up. Not surprised after yesterday. It was 100% worth it, even though I woke up feeling terrible because of what I had eaten. That's okay though. These days will happen. As long as we don't make it a habit.
• J called me his "first and most special wife". It was from a joke where he told a spammer that he was hoping to find his 6th wife. I don't think he wants to get married in the future but I like to think about it... I even have a dress that I always think, "Hm, I'd really like to get married in that dress." It's a size 10. I bought it I liked it that well. Maybe it will be a dream come true? I would like to have someone say, "I want her to be mine always." I'm a dreamer!
• I went to the gym. I walked for 31 minutes. I didn't want to but I did. It's not much but it'll add up hopefully.

Tuesday, April 15, 2025

• Work went well! Everything got done. I got to spend a lot of time in the office with C. and F. It was honestly fun.
• After work F and I went to paint pottery and honestly it was so much fun. We talked and we laughed. Then we went to Olive Garden and I ate way, way too much. We were out until after 10pm. I'm old y'all and I had to work today so that's late. I can't wait to do it again!

Monday, April 14, 2025

• I am still not losing weight this is bullshit. Seriously. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. It is a thermodynamic impossiblity that I am eating in a deficit and the scale not budging.
• Work was horrific. Three people were out. We had to find coverage as best as we could.
• I finally went to the gym. I walked for 30 minutes. It was okay. I pushed it a bit more there at the end and when I was finished I was actually starting to sweat.

Sunday, April 13, 2025

• Went to HomeGoods and Ulta with K. Then we went to Texas Roadhouse for lunch. I got a Rangers Meal with broccoli. I also ate a roll. It was a good, relaxing day. J. and I finished our book.
• I didn't go to the gym tonight.

Saturday, April 12, 2025

• I didn't go to the gym last night (or the night before) so I woke up feeling a bit guilty. I was tired. I slept. It was good. I was 339.4lb when I weighed myself. You know I only weigh myself naked and after I've peed. I was pleased. My weight had been going up for a few days for no reason and I was not liking it. But today I am feeling some relief. I was able to update my Weight Loss Tracker!
• I had a migraine this afternoon. J. told me to go lay down and he'd put me to sleep. He talked to me until I fell asleep and when I woke up 3 hours later he was snoring softly. I am so fucking lucky.

Friday, April 11, 2025

• Today I'm feeling discouraged. The scale has gone up for no reason. I took a day off from the gym yesterday to see if that would help the scale move and it did, it went down 1.6lb. But seriously, WTH? What am I not doing right? I mean, I know logically this happens. I've lost 125lbs before. But this, it feels like it should be easier or at least dropping faster. UGH!