(ALMOST ALL OF MY OCS ARE SATIRICAL)

• szapolyai lászló (from: insanely bureaucratic-realist world / "normal"verse) - a high-ranking táltos who works under matthias corvinus's black army in the year 1480. his serial code in the hungarian necromantic division is #28 (completely meaningless). supposed to be a soldier-noble-dude, common in that era, he is now cursed with the "incurable disease" of being "mythical". laci only cares about his job, and to an extent, protecting his awesome country. he does espionage by spying on nearby states (like the ottomans) with his heightened shamanic senses, making him the professional rival of ocak healer#3, aybike turan. he can summon a steed (táltos paripa). laci's an aloof, stoic, stern, fierce, no-nonsense, literal-minded, fire-wielding, uniform-wearing "military man". he's scarred all over and has fangs since birth, doesn't like to smile due to being secretly socially awkward, making him an unintentional edgelord. motherfucker is almost 2 meters tall and is hideously gruff, the straightest "straight man" you can ever meet. please know that it is near impossible to socialize with laci the táltos, because he cannot understand any metaphors, subtext, sarcasm, and is psychologically unable to tell white lies or be minimally polite / sentimental, or as he defines it, "engage in stupidity". but he can still occasionally be stressed out, and his two most signature acts are: 1. counting with his stiff fingers, 2. pacing around and around in circles with his leather boots clanking loudly on the ground. also a stereotypical istj. honestly i use this guy as my "sona" the most often because he's simply too goofy.
• lechosław X radzikowski, "leszek X" / "super rad leszek" (from: pagan steampunk 1700s / velesverse) - if you see this short lil blond 15-year-old kid in warm clothes anywhere it is probably him. leszek is a mega famous nobleman/szlachcic in the polish-lithuanian commonwealth, and his dad's a hussar rotmistrz that shoots laser beams from mechanical pegasi (kid also gets the "X" numerical as the tenth because one random radzikowski was elected king for...one time). obsessed with "saving polish tourism". you know this kind of character in every story, cheerful, flamboyant, energetic, optimistic, a “ball of sunshine” and “golden retriever”. speaks in slang (yo słuchajcie ziomeczki...). obsessed with butt-kicking stuff like historical epics and legends and all that. has an unhinged imagination and can weaponize iambic pentameters, which is good for branding and blog-posting on the SWW (slav-wide-web). one day kid opened the "boutique of butt-kicking" (BBK) in nowy świat, warsaw with a random peasant girl and a kashub that focuses on letting tourists experience monster-hunting (especially rusalki). despite being young, leszek is actually a master entrepreneur and genius startup owner, the CEO and CMO of this epic business idea. he consciously weaponizes the "idealistic energetic YA anime hero" to get more clout, will definitely pretend to have "growth" and give "fake inspirational speeches" so that people can cash in. even his "flaws" are faked. leszek's actually a technically (technically) perfect, but morally bankrupt and ruthless, full-blown machiavellian. he has done plenty of fucked up things throughout the plot (not ASPD/NPD or anything else, way too emotionally shallow and calculating) and has murdered once. in the end, kid only cares about money. his lesson in the end of a 80000-word-long story with a murder mystery is "please, come to warsaw and buy our shit". appearance is really misleading. an enfp with a severely developed te and self-centered fi.
• szapolyai lászló (from: pagan steampunk 1700s / velesverse) - almost the exact same as the "main" laci, but after he lost his job under hadúr's legendary black hussars due to táltos magic being replaced by the "GhostCommunicator4000" (invented by some guy, nagy istván), he is forced to move to poland and right next to leszek's "boutique of butt-kicking". usually the straight man to balance out leszek's unhinged ideas. bonds more with the other two normal(er) poles (peasant girl grażyna, who is completely normal, and jizydór the kashub).
• jan novák (from: insanely bureaucratic-realist world / "normal"verse) - 16 years old, an utterly generic czech lad who sulks in a panelák. a homage to the doomer meme with his pale skin and black hoodie. online he is the opinionated “JudasN”, core contributor to the infamous “r/atheism” with a bunch of american “platoon partners” that he plays wot (world of tanks) or similar military games with. jan's a sardonic, grumpy, cynical, snarky and intellectually arrogant teenager with dry, morbid humor. he is prone to bathetic logical analysis of “emotional plot points”. almost everything he says is sarcastic wisecracking, delivered in a deadpan tone (eg. religion teacher: “why did you fall asleep? have you been staying up late reading wikipedia pages again?” jan: “yes. because unlike catholicism nowadays, czechia actually needs wikipedia.”). a self-proclaimed “atheist crusader” (rhyming title: “jan novák of the panelák”), militant rationalism and materialism is his creed. he’s on the grandiose mission to disprove all supernatural phenomena (and the usefulness of catholicism in secular czechia). his running gag is forming highly niche fixations from time to time, obsessively carrying out “empirical experiments” in ridiculously specific ways. one of them includes vandalizing a tatra T3 into a “tatra 13” with a sharpie and tracking how no accidents happened on the tram for 52 days, therefore “disproving superstition”. he’s a keyboard warrior with 140 WPM and a debate master of pedantries and "um, technically" gobbledygook. his room is extremely organized, he alphabetically sorts out his biology and chemistry books (which are his best subjects) and he idolizes richard dawkins, owning 10 copies of “the god delusion”. actually does most things to cope with his generic name, becoming a contrarian to cope with a sense of profound existential boredom inside the bland panelák. an exaggerated intj with unhealthy te + in a severe ni-fi loop.