~ Girls I have liked (a lot) ~

• After Uni
  • E Yeah, okay, this one was embarrassing, but she was really nice and her tattoos were hot af. (25)
  • Hayley Kiyoko This is in part because of her book, which made me feel all the feelings and I love her for that. She's just so goddamn beautiful. She makes me happy. (24)
  • Rachel don't have the words for this yet. this person is so fucking beautiful i can't deal. (24)
  • 'Genevieve' i don't know her real name, but i called her this after the hailey knox song. (24)
  • Esther To be honest, I think I was just really struggling with lockdown at this point. I was really isolated and hadn't met any new people in ages. (23)
  • Ashley Frangipane (21-always)

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• Uni
  • Laura i don't know if it was the blue hair or if she is actually one of the most beautiful people ever? (21)
  • Chiara what is it with me and musicians? i don't know, but somehow she was really amazingly incredible. (20/21)
  • Felicity easily the best part of those renaissance lit classes. i literally used to check the door to make sure she was coming, otherwise there wasn't much point to me being there (20/21)
  • Anne-Marie Nicholson I guess this was the first time I really allowed myself to have a proper celebrity crush. I was actually pretty obsessed with her. I took up singing and briefly even karate because she did those things. I was definitely more into the singing than the karate. To be honest, I can't really see what I liked anymore. I guess my tastes have changed. (20)
  • That Girl Who Sat Opposite Me In That Really Boring Office i don't know, i think i was just bored. I just made up some stories about me rescuing her from her boring life. I didn't find her that attractive, but I guess she kind of intrigued me. I really didn't have that much else going on except sorting through paperwork, and that made it a little more fun. (19)
  • Liv effortlessly cool, and pretty. probably the weirdest love-hate relationship i've ever had with anyone. still kind of into her to be honest. (18-20)
  • India i only realised this was a crush years later, and maybe it was just because of the forehead kisses, but she was still special. (18)
  • Delfina Blaquier Honestly, I was more attracted to her lifestyle than her at the time, so I don't know if this one was really a crush. What I do know is that while my friends were obsessing over Nacho Figueras, I was obsessing over her. (18)
  • Maeve i thought she was the coolest girl i'd ever met. in reality i was just young and clueless and she was young and stupid. still one of my biggest crushes ever. (18/19)
  • Juliet honestly so beautiful, although she thought i didn't like her because i was super nervous around her. (18)

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• School/College
  • J God, this one. didn't know it at the time, but this was probably my first real, uncontrollable crush. Unfortunately, because of unhealthy coping mechanisms and my messed up attachment style, the feelings I had for this person still exist. I'm just trying to deal with that the best way I can, and learn how to stop it impacting future relationships. (10?-15)
  • My GCSE Geography teacher :P What? She was kind of hot (14/15)
  • Cheryl (9/10)
  • Olivia She was the first girl I ever referred to as my 'best friend'. (6-10)
  • Samantha This was the older sister of some girls in my class at primary school. (4-7)
  • Emma Watson Pretty sure this was my gay awakening, back before I even knew what being gay was. I was particularly obsessed with her throughout my time at primary school, as I was a big fan of Harry Potter when I was a little kid. I wanted to be just like Hermione, but it wasn't just that. I found her beautiful. I had a poster of her which I slept with in bed every night, until it quite literally fell apart. I guess I was around 6/7 at the time. (4-11)

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~ Times I thought I liked boys XD ~

• After Uni
  • None. Probably ever again. But I won't rule it out completely.

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• Uni
  • Toby kind of cute, we went on a couple dates. cowboy hats will always remind me. I guess this was the last time I ever thought that I had feelings for a boy. Pretty long ago now. (21)
  • Tim the first guy i kinda loved, but he turned out to be really confusing and we just couldn't communicate. (20/21)
  • That Guy In The Library Who Looked Like Taylor Lautner He also looked a bit like Anne-Marie. name unknown, but that face made me melt every time i'd see him. (20/21)
  • Luca seemed cool, and gorgeous, for about a week. i still love that song i first heard in his car, though. (20)
  • Tiger he made us tea + we pretended to be a duke and duchess. sort of wish things had ended better. (19)
  • Lorenzo tall, dark and handsome. everyone loved him for a while. (18)
  • Tom Another guy I met early on at university. We went for a meal together because we were both on our own. I liked him because he studied Geography + Maths, which I thought was interesting. But mainly all I remember about him now is that he used to collect colourful paper napkins. How f**king random. (18)
  • Johannes that german politician guy that my friends loved for some reason, although i was the only one who ever met him. literally the opposite of the kind of person i'm into now. At this point I can't really imagine having less in common with someone who was devoutly Catholic and an aspiring politician. Heck no. (18)

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• School/College
  • Finn seemed like the dream guy. the sort of boyfriend i really wanted when i was 16 but wasn't confident enough to actually chat with him. (14-17)
  • Ed This guy was in my A Level Geography class. I liked him because he was kind of quirky and he came to classes on a skateboard. He also looked a bit like this other guy, Finn. I just thought he seemed cool, to be honest. Looking back, I think I wanted to be him, not be with him. (16-17)
  • That Guy Who Used To Walk The Same Way As Me I used to walk to college and this guy often walked the same way as me. I thought he seemed kind of cute. (16)
  • Kenton Duty This one is sort of funny. I really wanted to have a celebrity crush like other girls my age. They were all into Channing Tatum, but I didn't get it. So I looked up male celebrities online and settled on this guy. I think it's because he looked kind of feminine in some of the pictures. I was just trying so hard to be straight, and it was not working. (15)
  • Harry I met this guy at church and thought he seemed nice and would be a good boyfriend. My mum used to joke that he'd make a good son-in-law. In reality, we didn't even talk that much. I was very anxious and he was more outgoing. We didn't really get on. A rumour went round my school that he was gay, and I cried. At the time I thought I was crying over him, but I think I really wasn't. (14-15)
  • Ray Quinn I think this might be the closest I ever came to actually being attracted to a guy. This is when he was on Dancing on Ice, we went to see the live show and I couldn't take my eyes off him. I thought he was so beautiful. I remember my parents getting all excited because it was the first time I'd really show interest in a guy. Haha. (10/11)
  • James My primary school boyfriend. Obviously we were just friends, but we used to send each other Valentine's cards and gifts, and hang out at each other's houses. As a kid I thought we'd get married and run a farm together. Simpler times. (4-10)