i'm starting my letter by not knowing for sure to Whom i must talk to. God or Jesus. or God and Jesus. either way, i know that, one of them, is reading my letter. my faith is shaken. for months now, i prey in a vey hopeless way. in my mind, two things cant coexist: a loving and mercyful God, and a God that allows tragedies to happen in the lives of the innocent ones. i never fully accepted or comprehended the suffering in this world. i've always been in denial. and He knows that. that's the reason why my faith is shaken. but this is also controversial, cause when i say "my faith" i mean my own personal relationship with God himself. it's like, eveytime i see a tragedy happen, i get confused to the point when i can't say i love him with all the honesty in the world. so, this trade between Him and i, becomes something that's not pure or honest. it's like i try to be a better person just by the fear of the justice of God coming to me one day; i avoid lying, i feel guilty for no reason, i never break the rules and the list continues. i believe that, the perfect faith, comes from a place of giving without recieving. making people happy without expecting that they'll do the same to you. the purity that comes in a spontaneous way, not in a performative way. making good actions just the show how amazing and kind of a person you are. making good actions just to push away all of the unfortunate events that might happen one day. i have to mention that this is difficult to put in practice, with all of our flaws. but i can say that i try.. with all of those circumstances. another thing that i want to say to God, is that i always found hard to interpretate signs and have this constant feeling of missing out. what if i'm not suposed to spend money on my treatment? what if i'm not suposed to be angry at my father? what if i should apply for more jobs so God can act? how do i know the timing? how can i tell if what i'm doing is right or not? how can i interpret signs? how can i listen to His voice? it all seems impossible sometimes. i can't even say if i'm praying in the right way or not. but i need to ask something to God: i'm asking you, Father, to help me and my family in this time. i'm asking you to give us some answers of what we should do in every aspect of our lives. watch over us, protect us, give us health. and the most important thing: thank you for all of the blessings.