i have a cold can't stop sneezing.. i woke up very early today, at 5am. then went back to sleep and woke up at 10am. was pretty tired. my mom is making pizza rn.. i didn't eat much today. i did my nails and then went to the grocery store. just another day in my life :) .. sometimes i catch myself feeling all of this emptiness and ask if it's just too much free time.. maybe it's just boredom. but there's also a possibility that this is just the way i am. often wondering if he comes back one day. and i start my diary talking about him. coming back. but i don't want to be hopeful. it's not good for me. i also think that if he does come back, part of this feeling of emptiness will go away. then fear will take its place. which one is worst? emptiness and sadness... or fear and anxiety? face the harsh reality... or.... feeling loved for a moment and being lied to?