- since the night that i drank with the girls i got terrible anxiety and went out feeling a little bit nauseous too. i'm glad i went anyways cause ive recieved many gifts and also bought some stuff..........................................nothing nwew.
- ive been living by the same expectations and nothing really special happened/changed.
- i saved my ex friends number again and now i can see what he's up to. and feed his memory in my mind.. until i'm ready to delete it again or he magically talks to me. theres some boys tryna talk to me but i think they'll give up quickly. i don't seem very interested while im talking to them nor say hi to them first. plus, the person that i like is quite inacessible but that doesnt make me give up on him yet. i have a fixation on him, something that i didn't thought that would happen since, someone that i can't mention, left. even though that ''someone'' still haunts me COMPLETELY.. i do think im ready for a strong bond. if its him. that does not makes sense since i havent spoken to him. so its kinda impossible for me to be in love with someone that i barely know. maybe i only like him bc i'm sure he wont tallk to me or like me back. and i dont know if he has a girl or not. that being said, not gonna happen. but i dont know iffff i believe in coincidences. and i like to distract myself.
- the girls from my home are almost filling the void that some of my former friends left. i'm truly grateful to have them, even if its a shallow relationship.
- i still feel lonely and with no direction in life. i dont have motivations too. i'm positive about it tho. at least, today im positive about it. i hope that things will change for the better and i'll finally have my victory memory.
- plus, ofc i have many things to be grateful about, stuff that i said here already.
- i havent seen my dad in a while. he spend the weekend in my favorite in the world and didnt invite me. cant force people to do what they dont want to, so i understand. but i did felt very jealous of him. he was flexing his money i guess. the fancy hotel he was staying at and stuff. he havent spoke to me in 2 days but thats ok i guess. ill get used to it eventually. and yes, i do have a victim complex.
sep 12 2022 ∞
dec 4 2022 +