• i went out on friday. not much happened. but i was good for me. as experience and stuff.. i was so shy when i got there. i felt out of place cause there was people there that i wasnt friends with. anyways... singing was awkward too. i didnt want to sing at all. there was a boy who caught my attention he was so fucking funny. like really funny. but idk he might be gay cause he new the lyrics to camp rock songs and disney old princesses movies and stuff. buttttt...... i liked him. but nothing is going to happen thats how things work. ii also realized that, with so much burocracy to be w someone, i might as well invest in a certain person that ive been talking to. but he seems to be angry at me idk. ugh. im angry with one of my guy friends and i want to hurt him. im losing a few friendships too. i feel lonely sometimes. like i dont havge a partner. sometimes i feel like i dont have a partner, sometimes i feel like my only friend is the city i live in, the city of duque de caxias. kkkk... back on friday night. my friend told me today that a guy was flirting with me from another place i was very flattered.. #blessed. but anyways .. having a decent pretty face its not just what counts. i need to be more confident to. but ima fucking people pleaser and im scared to talk to people first. i always wait for them to talk to me. ivve always been like this. but i was worse in the past tho. welllll... i feel like in the past years i had a very immature and inocent mindset. while everyone in high school was losing their virginities i was having my first kiss. ugh. its bothering me now. i feel like people feel bad for me. they reallyt do look down on me. i'm feeling terrible eeverytime i remember how it feels to be looked down at. also .. job, i havent been applying for jobs. i'm asking God how much time this phase in my life is going to last. i just need a plan.. the days are really hot. cant wait for summer to end so i can sleep in peace.

ive been wishing for money lately... i want to buy new clothes and accessories so bad. new tops new pants new skirts new dresses new shoes idk. i would like money. im applying for more jobs tomorrow ................. i wish life would go easy on me at least for a while... but im grateful that i have a decent appearance a good persosnality my family my things my house and food on the table. i just need to get rid of anxiety and then everything will be just fine.