i have things i want to talk about. i know deep down i'm a talented and creative person. but i don't know how to use my iq to put this is practice, nor have the work ethic or mental state to execute my ideas. i not in a good phase. but i will not give up. i will work with what i have. i'll at least try. i have worth and i'm a smart girl.. i've been feeling in a sort of brain fog and even dizziness. i'm not sure of the cause. i don't know if i need to eat better or something. my sleep schedule is also very messy... i'm grateful for not having to leave the house by mere obligation these days. i want things to work for me.. i want it so bad. i've been feeling more specific with things i want lately. money would give me a lot of comfort, and i know i shouldnt be stuck to material things nor this is what God wants me to worship, but money indeed gives us more comfort. i want the comfort. i want to be able to live in a nice house, to turn on the ac without worrying about the energy bill. i want to go to the market and buy expensive food and drinks. i want to sleep in my own bed.. i want to buy the clothes i would like.. to fully express myself. not worry about if we'll be able to pay the credit card bill and stuff. i know that i have some prejudice whithin me . i think that having a connexion with somebody wealthy and with good and caring character would be good. my wishes are deeply ingrained in luxury and comfort and money, and i've never talked about this with anyone. i'm not saying that i would go against my morals, and boundaries to get what i want, and i mean, having a relationship with someone if this is the only reason i'm with them: the money.; no, i wouldn't never act like this, this is just not my heart and how my mom raised me. i would never sleep in peace i acted by this motivation. and i know this is not the most important thing at all. i know that. i'm just saying: it's a wish; something i would love to have. and i'm sure a lot of people want this.. most of people actually. no idea of what i'm going to do with the next yyears of my life. i know i don't want to waste time, i wont be pretty and youthful forever. but i dont know what i can do. i want to know how can i be perfect... im in this battle with myself. if i became wealthy, i would value the comfort i didnt have before. i know i have everything, but its in the human nature to want more and better things than we have. it gives us motivation in life. so...