assorted thoughts from yours truly

• Jack Thorne is the king of trash Harry Potter fanfiction. I know because this entire play is trash Harry Potter fanfiction.
• Albus Potter and Scorpius Malfoy are gay. I have no doubts whatsoever. They are meant to be.
• Albus and Scorpius are also not Slytherins... at all.
• WHERE IS ROSE GRANGER-WEASLEY? I wanted my trio, damn it.
• Ron Weasley is not an idiot.
• Hermione Granger would not become a grouchy ass teacher and torment children because she never married Ron. What the actual fuck?
• However, I am a passionate supporter of Hermione Granger as Minister of Magic.
• Theodore Nott, my trash son, I always knew you would be a shady little shit.
• Delphini is the fucking Moon Moon of Harry Potter.
  • Literally why would J. K. Rowling allow the mental image of Voldemort and Bellatrix having sex to be seared into her readers' minds forevermore?
  • Delphini is the biggest plot hole in this fiasco of a story.
  • The second biggest plot hole being the fact that Delphini was born in Malfoy Manor and the Malfoys didn't know about her.
  • I do not believe for one millisecond that Narcissa did not know her sister was pregnant, nor do I believe for one millisecond that Narcissa would have allowed her orphaned infant niece to be raised by Euphemia Rowle.
  • This character is an absolute disaster. Even worse than Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way because she's real.
  • Delphini should have been the kindest soul ever to walk this earth. And best friends with Teddy Lupin and Victoire Weasley.
• Time traveling Malfoys? Gee, where have I seen that before?
  • I still don't know what I found most horrific about the alternate timelines Albus and Scorpius created. Cedric becoming a Death Eater? Snape being so abysmally out of character? The slogan 'Voldemort and Valor?' Umbridge levitating because she's so full of Dark magic?
  • Lucius Malfoy possessing the last Time-Turner is definitely a shout out to StarKid, right?
• Not a word on what Lee Jordan, Blaise Zabini, and Dean Thomas are up to these days.
• When and where can I read the memoir of Rodolphus Lestrange? That dude has seen some things.
• Scorpius Malfoy is the saving grace of this play. He is the only character, new or old, with a consistent characterization. Also he is an absolute darling.