i'm sorry. for not realizing what i had and what i had lost. merely blinking at your lost. phone calls connecting us countries away were awkward, my words failed me, and i stuttered because i didn't know what to say. it was almost like we were strangers, but you cared about me, loved me, prayed for me, when i didn't even give you a second thought. the wails of grief and pain coming from the bedroom, instead, i played that song you liked on the piano. all this time later, i can't think about you without getting emotional. how could you leave me? there was only one month left!! you had to hang on, just a little bit, just a little bit more, just for me. the granddaughter who you named, the one who played piano for you every time you called, the one who promised to work hard just for you. how could you leave me alone???? i miss you. i truly do. i'm sorry for being selfish, i guess i didn't see how hard you were hanging on. sometimes, the hardest thing to do is just letting go. i try to forget about you because you've left a permeanent ache in my heart that aches a little more every time i'm reminded of you. the first time i truly saw you was in a video celebrating your life. your body in that clear casket, a shell of a human, but you looked at ease. i'm sorry. for taking you granted and not being able to piano for you, one last time. where ever you are, i hope you're at peace. i hope you're singing in the heavens above, smiling down, as i play the song that you liked, one last time.

-s

jul 5 2022 ∞
jul 5 2022 +