⠀ i suddenly feel very alone

• i don't know...
• english is not my first language and my verbal skills kinda downgraded over the years so grammatical errors are inevitable and everything is incoherent. sorry. and because of that i convey my feelings and emotions through borrowed pictures #imagehoarder. and i google (word) synonyms all the time
• maybe i copied your aesthetic — forgive me if i find you so cool i'd want to integrate a part of you in myself — i dont have a personality, i only pretend, im not cool, im basic, my life is so boring, my developmental years were wasted on church activities and working at an early age
• i daydream a LOT. i talk to myself a lot
• your secrets are safe with me because (1) i was in my head most of the time and (2) i don't remember what you just said and (3) i have bad hearing from sleeping with my headphones on all night listening to pop music when i was in highschool
• if a genie appears in front of me i'd wish to be a hikikomori for lyf without being a liability — yes that's basically me saying im selfish and a slob ♡
• i am a horrible person. at school, i took out my personal problems on my "friends". i try to be bossy with them, make them do things i want, make them comply and obey to everything i say. i am my father's daughter, unfortunately. and if something doesn't go with what i desired, i hate, i radiate an enormous amount of loathe and rage. eventually, people stay away from me, and they talk bad about me, and they'll hate me as much as i hate them. i am a hater through and through. which is embarrassing for me to say because if i was other people id hate me a lot. currently, i am still a horrible person. so, whenever i meet new people my mind automatically assumes that they hate me. #copingmechanism
• i feel shame every single day. as in, i can't walk properly if i feel like there are eyes watching me (there's nothing) #femalebody #religioustrauma
• i ruined my life, so who needs enemies when my #1 enemy is myself. kind people will tell me im still young but im already grieving about all the time i had lost. you see, im just a ghost with a hard flesh
• i dont like meeting new people in real life, but im fine with meeting people online. are y'all even real?
• i prefer pain over itch. i got that from my aunt, see, i like copying people. once, i hated a local actress so much because my mother didn't like her
• i always lose track of time
• i had a reall good sense of humor when i was young, but i lost it somehow. i can't even speak properly when i am in a group of people.
• i hate it so much when other people say that they're a "loser", but they know what they or have lived the most of their childhood and teenage years or have a degree or well educated and well read and well spoken and have lots of friends and are well loved or living comfortably or have goals and dreams and aspirations or doesn't procrastinate and rot in bed and doomscroll or have good parents or have good relationship with people or have future prospects or can get whatever they want. being temporarily stuck in life because you have to choose between choices that'll provide a positive outcome either way doesn't mean you're a loser. stop trying to change its meaning so you can roleplay being pitiful, you attention-seeking fucker
• i n v u
• i am not family-oriented. so, no, don't talk to me about your own values of prioritizing family, or tell me "they're still your parents/relatives" because i will not take it. you are an ick for me if you talk about how you love your family, idc and i will die on this hill. also, if you're too moral, ill hate you too. if you grew up in a loving family and a loving environment dont talk to me about your principles because i will hate you. dont tell me about what's good or bad, what's right and wrong, you know what just shut the fuck up.
• + it's like: i hate shiho's character so much but i adore yutori